I need to rant because there doesn't seem to be another solution

[Redruby2020]

So I have lived where I live now for a couple of years.
Long story short was friendly with neighbour, there are two flats.
But we fell out over a few things.
Plus as time went on, they were too in my face, nosey etc.

I also had issues myself and wasn't dealing with my child's behaviour well.
When my child used to have a tantrum the neighbour used to ring my bell to 'quiet/calm child down' and give me a break 🤦‍♀️🤣

I shouldn't laugh as I was struggling.
Then things worsened and one day with both of us making a racket, I was having a rant and in the middle of getting dinner ready banging a few cupboard doors as I went along, next minute my bell rang and the front door being banged loudly.
Note this is the one day out of very few, that usually when anyone bangs the door they take it as a reason to go out to answer. Even if only my bell has been rung.

On this occasion not.
It was the police, now I am in a better place and having got some advice, i really should have handled the situation differently.
Anyway, i explained a few things to them, and I also got some support following that visit.

Neighbour a few days later when the postman banged on the front door and we both came out, said with a very smug face 'i thought it was the police' now why would you say that, if you are not the one who called them.

There are a few times where a courier has banged the door and we've both come out. And she has been grinning.
I don't find it funny at all, as what that event done to me noone can understand.
And i live in fear now of what i say and do, incase it doesn't suit.
My anxiety is not good.

So, the main reason for this post, is that when my bell goes my neighbour will answer it, fair enough there are times when it's for the opposite flat.

But many times when it has not been, and they are not waiting for anyone or anything.
I get anxiety going downstairs because often they will come out.
Their 8/9 year old child also gives the mother an account of what I am doing I have heard with my own ears.

On a few occasions they have said their youngest was sleeping or it startled them.
Acoustics are bad there, but that is still an excuse.
There are two flats and two bells.

Yesterday because it had rained when we got back from school I left my flat door open whilst we ran up to get wet things off.
When they came home, and then my bell went a little while after I think they flew out to answer on this occasion, because they might have thought my door was open so that i could answer easier.

Often they will be on the step smoking, so people turn up and they have to clear off back inside.
They have a garden to do this in i don't see why we have to suffer. Especially in the winter with the stink and the cold.
But if i don't get downstairs before my bell goes then they will fly out.

When my child went with a relative and they knew they were coming back because always the same time.
They would go and answer the door and say she is just coming, but in a voice and way like they are front of house/concierge 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣🤣 or something like that.
I am aware that person had mental health issues as they mentioned it especially at times it would cover them. And said they took themselves off of medication. So I'm just wondering if that is also a reason they act like this.

I wanted to speak to 101 or something but I know it's not something they will be able to do anything about.
I spoke to them previously because after a row neighbour nearly took the front door off when they slammed it.
And I told them not to do it again, to which they replied I will do the F what I want.

So since then they had gone on to do it to their own flat door.
I spoke to the police as it was several times an hour, and also because I felt very angry about the fact when the police were called to my flat banging doors had been mentioned.

I said anyone in their right mind is not going to suffer what I did, and then someone is going around doing whatever they want that's an insult to the whole situation.

Last Sat my bell went as I had a takeaway, I was on the phone as I came down my stairs to answer the door, neighbour had flown out, despite my bell just starting ringing, then as I came out said to the driver oh it's for the neighbour upstairs.
Driver then apologised I said no it's ok you rang the right bell 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

To be honest if I heard shouting & banging with a child in the house/flat I'd of probably called the police too! That's terrifying for a young child.

I would have called the police too OP. I hope you are getting help now.

your only option is to move I guess

If I were you I would not look them in the eye even if they are outside, you must be looking to see if they are grinning. just completely blank them and get on with your own thing as if they were not there. Don't even look in their direction.

Alternatively you could try to talk to them gently and just say you apologise for any noise that you were going through a rough patch but getting help now and could you both move forward and try to get on

If they are harassing you, record things on your phone such as voice recorder and put up a camera door bell. Police won't do anything unless there is evidence

I wish I'd not of said anything now. People try to pretend like things don't go wrong in their lives or stuff doesn't go on in their homes.

Plus the same neighbour does the same to their children, but those children don't say or do things often to have to do it, so is it better if a child stays quiet or responds to being shouted at or spoken to nastily by doing as told and being quiet.
In my experience that comes out in other ways or later in life.
If shouting at a child is abuse then shouting at a baby 1yr old definantly is!
But these are the kind of people who have a very arrogant attitude that they can do whatever they like. That what they do not approve of where others are concerned is ok for them.

Basically when their children are quiet or well behaved, they are fine.
When they play up or get upset or are demanding things etc then they do exactly what I did if not worse on some occasions.

How would you feel if a neighbour did report you but does the same theirself?

I don't think some of my post was read properly.

Well if someone needs help and support that is not the way to do it, but thanks for your reply.

.

Sounds like you are trying to minimise the impact you have had on them.

It's always someone else's fault.
If I come out of my flat door to try to get to the flat door they are right there in front of me, some of the times I refer to is when I still used to speak with them.

I'm trying to answer the door because my bell has been pressed and they are there answering it to see who it is.
Do i not have any rights either.

Minimise the impact I have had on who?

What i should have posted is the part about I can't answer my own door bell but being straight as I am I went in to detail about other things.

My issues have nothing to do with them answering my bell for me.

This is because they know i don't like it, there is no privacy.

@missmollygreen do you realise we can see the unedited post even after you’ve edited?

OP maybe the comment about the police was lighthearted to try and diffuse what was an awkward situation at the time? Although the carry on since is not great.
I’m glad you are in a better place now, just ignore the neighbour and live your own life. Let them crack on, you can’t change people, you can only change your reaction to it all.

Noise, well a child is a child. So for that part what can I say.

The same as theirs crashing up and down at 11pm.

Thankyou so much for a positive reply.

I did wonder what the edited post was, there is just a dot showing under the posters name, so I dread to think what it said.

I will try, i just see that there are people in life who could cause others a lot of issues/problems.
Who are very good at knowing how to talk and lie.

Can you not change the bell so you canhear yours but they can’t @Redruby2020

I did wonder what the edited post was, there is just a dot showing under the posters name

Tbf, nothing too horrendous, it just reads as a snarky post. If you click the ‘edited’ next to the full stop in the post it all shows up. I just find that a lot of people don’t seem to be aware that editing doesn’t erase what they’ve actually written!

You said you did get support as a result of that visit, so it was the right thing to do?

I'm having issues with a neighbour as well op. Having the police round on Saturday had enough.

I'm not sure if this is right but they open their door every time your doorbell rings? That sounds weird and intrusive, do you have identical sounding doorbells? If so, disconnect yours and let your visitors knock.

Well knock me down with a feather - I assumed once a post was edited the original was gone!

You need to ignore them OP

Apologies but I'm a bit confused, how can your neighbour answer your doorbell?

Well police aren't exactly covert so even if they didn't call them, of course they would have known the police were there.
I think you're expecting too much privacy living in a flat, yes it's annoying that they answer your door and want to pry, but it is harmless. Just ignore them. You get curtain twitchers everywhere.

Is your bell so loud that your neighbour hears it and is then a busybody responding to it?

If so, I'd see if there is a way to reduce the volume or insulate the sound so you hear it and they don't.

If they are still answering the front door when it is for you, I would say to them (once) that they don't need to do that. You will answer when you can and when you can't, the caller will have to come back/whatever.

If they keep doing it, then ignore them, don't be involved in their business and ignore if they are trying to get involved in yours. Of course if you suspect they are mistreating their kids and need to involve social services or police in an emergency don't ignore that. But ignore day to day funny looks from them.

I'm glad you have some support now and ways of dealing with stresses.

Get what you are saying, I suppose if a neighbour reports noise from a toddler that's pretty ridiculous. I'm just reading a post I don't know you or the whole story or the ins and outs so was just trying to be helpful to try give you suggestions! Sorry it wasn't helpful

Thankyou someone who is getting what I a saying.
Our bells are totally different, theirs is a sing song type. And mine plays all sorts of songs 🤦‍♀️ not my choice it's what was here when I moved in.
It is very intrusive.
Today we went to go out as in myself and child, they were on the door step area outside smoking, did not move we had to try to get out and squeeze around.
Before anyone suggests we say excuse me, they know we are coming out.
Absolutely no need to be there 4/5 times an hour as they have the back garden.