I need to rant because there doesn't seem to be another solution

[Redruby2020]

So I have lived where I live now for a couple of years.
Long story short was friendly with neighbour, there are two flats.
But we fell out over a few things.
Plus as time went on, they were too in my face, nosey etc.

I also had issues myself and wasn't dealing with my child's behaviour well.
When my child used to have a tantrum the neighbour used to ring my bell to 'quiet/calm child down' and give me a break 🤦‍♀️🤣

I shouldn't laugh as I was struggling.
Then things worsened and one day with both of us making a racket, I was having a rant and in the middle of getting dinner ready banging a few cupboard doors as I went along, next minute my bell rang and the front door being banged loudly.
Note this is the one day out of very few, that usually when anyone bangs the door they take it as a reason to go out to answer. Even if only my bell has been rung.

On this occasion not.
It was the police, now I am in a better place and having got some advice, i really should have handled the situation differently.
Anyway, i explained a few things to them, and I also got some support following that visit.

Neighbour a few days later when the postman banged on the front door and we both came out, said with a very smug face 'i thought it was the police' now why would you say that, if you are not the one who called them.

There are a few times where a courier has banged the door and we've both come out. And she has been grinning.
I don't find it funny at all, as what that event done to me noone can understand.
And i live in fear now of what i say and do, incase it doesn't suit.
My anxiety is not good.

So, the main reason for this post, is that when my bell goes my neighbour will answer it, fair enough there are times when it's for the opposite flat.

But many times when it has not been, and they are not waiting for anyone or anything.
I get anxiety going downstairs because often they will come out.
Their 8/9 year old child also gives the mother an account of what I am doing I have heard with my own ears.

On a few occasions they have said their youngest was sleeping or it startled them.
Acoustics are bad there, but that is still an excuse.
There are two flats and two bells.

Yesterday because it had rained when we got back from school I left my flat door open whilst we ran up to get wet things off.
When they came home, and then my bell went a little while after I think they flew out to answer on this occasion, because they might have thought my door was open so that i could answer easier.

Often they will be on the step smoking, so people turn up and they have to clear off back inside.
They have a garden to do this in i don't see why we have to suffer. Especially in the winter with the stink and the cold.
But if i don't get downstairs before my bell goes then they will fly out.

When my child went with a relative and they knew they were coming back because always the same time.
They would go and answer the door and say she is just coming, but in a voice and way like they are front of house/concierge 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣🤣 or something like that.
I am aware that person had mental health issues as they mentioned it especially at times it would cover them. And said they took themselves off of medication. So I'm just wondering if that is also a reason they act like this.

I wanted to speak to 101 or something but I know it's not something they will be able to do anything about.
I spoke to them previously because after a row neighbour nearly took the front door off when they slammed it.
And I told them not to do it again, to which they replied I will do the F what I want.

So since then they had gone on to do it to their own flat door.
I spoke to the police as it was several times an hour, and also because I felt very angry about the fact when the police were called to my flat banging doors had been mentioned.

I said anyone in their right mind is not going to suffer what I did, and then someone is going around doing whatever they want that's an insult to the whole situation.

Last Sat my bell went as I had a takeaway, I was on the phone as I came down my stairs to answer the door, neighbour had flown out, despite my bell just starting ringing, then as I came out said to the driver oh it's for the neighbour upstairs.
Driver then apologised I said no it's ok you rang the right bell 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Good move, and if the police are coming then there is a good reason for that as in obviously something they can help with, goodluck.

So someone needs help and support to cope with their issues and child, and the police are there for that? That could of had worse consequences. Also there is then a note of that. So if my child is upset or making noise or if I choose to tell my child off, and this doesn't suit those around me, I could get a call out again, so again this won't be supportive.

1. I would change my doorbell or even turn it off
2. Do you own your property ? if so I would consider selling/moving
3. If you rent from a private landlord ? I would consider moving
4. If you are in Social Housing I would look at Home Swapper.

Can you purchase a doorbell where the ringer goes off in your house. Put your flat number clearly on it. These are really cheap. It seems like you and neighbour are making eachothers lives difficult. Please fully ignore eachother. Unless you want to go down the restraining order route?

I dont understand why everyone is banging and flying.

Can you put a camera door bell up or just a camera?

I don't understand why you need to come out the flat to answer the bell downstairs? Or have I picked that up wrongly?
Could you get a video doorbell and answer on that?

They are allowed to smoke on the front step.

I don't understand how they can answer your doorbell. Surely if it is inside your flat they can't hear it?

If you are not getting on with them, the best solution is to move.

I would also have called the police if I heard you having a go at your child and banging cupboard doors etc.

You both sound batshit

It sounds as if you've had a hard time. I hope things carry on improving for you.

I would just say 'thank you for answering my bell' to your neighbour. Don't let them see it bothers you. Try and view it as a positive: you actually don't have to rush. You have a door answering service! Fir free!

Maybe if they see it doesn't upset you they might get bored of it. Just tell yourself they are trying to help (even if you don't believe it).

Everyone in this tale sounds awful. The poor children caught up in it.

“Before anyone suggests we say excuse me, they know we are coming out.”

But did you say excuse me? That would be incredibly rude of you to expect to just barge through them without saying a word.

When making orders for delivery could you try adding a note saying ‘do not ring doorbell call 07*’

So hold on? Someone is standing in a communal doorway smoking, when they have a back garden to do that in, and we are supposed to ask to get past, lol unbelievable.

🤣🤣

In a communal area with the front door open letting all the smoke back in and freeze the house out, ok.

Yes there are people like that who think they have the higher morals. But shout at their own children and not very nice at times. Like I said, they said they will do the F what they want.

When they first moved in and my DC was having a tantrum etc, they were ringing my bell, what for? If any child does these kinds of things apparently they must have a problem. They are just fortunate they have girls who they can shout down and it works.
When they had their nephew over they do the same as my DS used to do more, and said they couldn't cope.

I couldn't afford that personally but a good idea.

Could you change to a different doorbell? Maybe one that sends an alert to your phone for example rather than rings through the house so that your neighbour can’t hear it?

I can't move it took me so long to get this and been homeless through DA etc. I couldn't cope having to go through it all again unless it was desperately needed.

If someone can hear your bell does that mean they have to answer it then.

We can't change the fact that this is most likely not a proper knock through conversion.

If anyone is standing in your way in a shared space, OP, the right thing to do is to say "Excuse me!" with a polite cheerful tone. Wherever they are.

Partly because we are all humans at the end of the day. And more importantly because if they are trying to annoy you, it will annoy them more if you don't respond to it!

It also gives them no more ammunition to make life hard for you. They already have called the police to say they thought you were hitting or abusing your children. Be incredibly careful. You've said it caused you anxiety - it could get a lot worse if they start a sustained campaign against you.

Try and scrape together the money for a video doorbell, and try and avoid them.

"When they go low, you go high".

Does everyone just leave their manners in their flats to avoid being used in communal areas? You say excuse me, they move, you say thank you is how it normally works regardless of if someone has a garden to use or not

You do see the irony here don’t you?
You also had the police called on you….

It sounds like things are quite complicated for both households. It might be best for you to try and at least be civil (say excuse me if they are blocking your way, etc), and see if there is a way you can fix your doorbell so it doesn't ring in their flat!

Well I feel very sorry for your child, who has apparently already left one DV situation only to be living in another, where you are shouting and banging and being aggressive to him so frequently and severely that on more than one occasion your neighbour has felt obliged to come round and "help", and on this one occasion even call the police, who agreed it was problematic and followed up with family support. Maybe the neighbours are awful and nosy; but you seem completely unwilling to accept that the atmosphere of frequent scolding and shouting and banging doors you're describing is abusive and frightening for a little child. Your only retort seems to be "well they do the same or worse" (no excuse) or even more worrying and bizarre, you have to be more aggressive because he's a boy and not a girl???

Forget the neighbours, have a long hard look at your parenting, and seek some support on how to cope more maturely with your son's behaviour.

No i did not say that you have to be more aggressive because of a child being a boy or a girl.
They didn't come around to help they are nosey, hence the getting to the door before me.
I should have left out the other parts, because other things have been dealt with since.
And made the post about the neighbour situation.
No actually the police did not say something like that unless you was involved. I actually asked for help, but Thankyou for your reply.
I have read a lot worse on here where there then seems to be some reasoning in peoples responses or some support, as people often come on here for, but I guess it just depends post to post.

It doesn't ring in their flat you can hear both bells through the building 🤷🏻‍♀️ that's because the sound travels easily.