I need to rant because there doesn't seem to be another solution

[Redruby2020]

So I have lived where I live now for a couple of years.
Long story short was friendly with neighbour, there are two flats.
But we fell out over a few things.
Plus as time went on, they were too in my face, nosey etc.

I also had issues myself and wasn't dealing with my child's behaviour well.
When my child used to have a tantrum the neighbour used to ring my bell to 'quiet/calm child down' and give me a break 🤦‍♀️🤣

I shouldn't laugh as I was struggling.
Then things worsened and one day with both of us making a racket, I was having a rant and in the middle of getting dinner ready banging a few cupboard doors as I went along, next minute my bell rang and the front door being banged loudly.
Note this is the one day out of very few, that usually when anyone bangs the door they take it as a reason to go out to answer. Even if only my bell has been rung.

On this occasion not.
It was the police, now I am in a better place and having got some advice, i really should have handled the situation differently.
Anyway, i explained a few things to them, and I also got some support following that visit.

Neighbour a few days later when the postman banged on the front door and we both came out, said with a very smug face 'i thought it was the police' now why would you say that, if you are not the one who called them.

There are a few times where a courier has banged the door and we've both come out. And she has been grinning.
I don't find it funny at all, as what that event done to me noone can understand.
And i live in fear now of what i say and do, incase it doesn't suit.
My anxiety is not good.

So, the main reason for this post, is that when my bell goes my neighbour will answer it, fair enough there are times when it's for the opposite flat.

But many times when it has not been, and they are not waiting for anyone or anything.
I get anxiety going downstairs because often they will come out.
Their 8/9 year old child also gives the mother an account of what I am doing I have heard with my own ears.

On a few occasions they have said their youngest was sleeping or it startled them.
Acoustics are bad there, but that is still an excuse.
There are two flats and two bells.

Yesterday because it had rained when we got back from school I left my flat door open whilst we ran up to get wet things off.
When they came home, and then my bell went a little while after I think they flew out to answer on this occasion, because they might have thought my door was open so that i could answer easier.

Often they will be on the step smoking, so people turn up and they have to clear off back inside.
They have a garden to do this in i don't see why we have to suffer. Especially in the winter with the stink and the cold.
But if i don't get downstairs before my bell goes then they will fly out.

When my child went with a relative and they knew they were coming back because always the same time.
They would go and answer the door and say she is just coming, but in a voice and way like they are front of house/concierge 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣🤣 or something like that.
I am aware that person had mental health issues as they mentioned it especially at times it would cover them. And said they took themselves off of medication. So I'm just wondering if that is also a reason they act like this.

I wanted to speak to 101 or something but I know it's not something they will be able to do anything about.
I spoke to them previously because after a row neighbour nearly took the front door off when they slammed it.
And I told them not to do it again, to which they replied I will do the F what I want.

So since then they had gone on to do it to their own flat door.
I spoke to the police as it was several times an hour, and also because I felt very angry about the fact when the police were called to my flat banging doors had been mentioned.

I said anyone in their right mind is not going to suffer what I did, and then someone is going around doing whatever they want that's an insult to the whole situation.

Last Sat my bell went as I had a takeaway, I was on the phone as I came down my stairs to answer the door, neighbour had flown out, despite my bell just starting ringing, then as I came out said to the driver oh it's for the neighbour upstairs.
Driver then apologised I said no it's ok you rang the right bell 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Who or where did it say they thought I was hitting or abusing my child, that's not what was said at all, omg I wish I'd not said anything now.

@WeekendFreedom The difference is it sounds like that poster has already spoken to the police as in they know they will be round and on what day.

OK, that must be quite annoying. In that case, given that you can't change the noise problem, and you can't change the neighbours, the only thing you can do is to change yourself.

Be a bit more zen. If you know you're shouting a lot at the kids, reflect on why that's happening, and if there's a better way to solve the problem than shouting (sometimes shouting is the only answer!!). If you're struggling with your own mental health, look into medication, and take up some mindfulness activities at the same time if you can. Accept that you're going to have to keep saying excuse me to the neighbours.

Your post is muddled and hard to read. Why were you ranting and banging around?

Children need calm, stable homes, it doesn’t sound like you’re providing that.

@PonyPatter44 Thankyou for your reply back.
Yes it is a bit annoying, I'm not sure what it's like in other houses that have been made in to flats, as i don't really know many in that type of set up. It would be interesting to hear what the sound is like etc.

Yes I had just started medication then, changed things a few times since then.
I can back up again why people don't reach out or admit things are wrong, because there is a very mixed outlook on things.

I was once told in a general chat with a Health visitor, that Social workers always support the mother unless depressed etc, and i thought wow o wonder so many don't come forward.

Okay Thankyou for your reply, social services obviously thought otherwise, but now there will be responses most likely saying they get it wrong a lot.

That is saying every other home is calm stable, no problems no stress no depression noone ever shouts.
That's reassuring to hear.

My grandparents lived in a flat that was the upstairs of a house, and I've lived in two similar set-ups (always upstairs, oddly). Its not uncommon in the area of North London where I grew up.

With the advent of Ring doorbells etc, it's much easier NOT to hear the neighbour's doorbell, but invariably you can hear traditional doorbells. Usually there are different chimes for upstairs and downstairs flats and most importantly, normal people mind their own business, and dont answer the neighbour's doorbell!!

This post screams council estate 😂

Do you have to try hard to be a dick, or does it just come naturally to you?

Tbf it's a bitchy comment but I live on a council estate and it pretty much sums it up. A bit less flying and a bit more fishwife in the street.

It sounds like you have nosy neighbours OP who were once concerned for your kids welfare. Now they're just nosy and meddlesome with not much of a life of they're always poised to come out of their flat. I'm assuming you live in a converted house. Theres nothing much you can do other than ignore them or move.

😂🙄

@gamerchick Thankyou.

Although some of what I have picked up in replies is like the two go together, that they had concerns and therefore this is now why they are allowed to continue on as they do/or gives a reason as to why they do it.
But without the first part, the second part was still going on.

Her bf who doesn't live here apparently, he also answers the door for me lol.
But out of two of them, one can't get to the door late at night when they have ordered a takeaway 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄

I'd also like to add, that to anyone who thought I was saying well they do it so it would make anything I did ok. No not at all.
But I'm sure anyone would be infuriated amongst many other descriptions, if someone took it upon themselves to put their nose in to things, when they do the same things.
It's hypocritical at least.

This person came from temp accommodation and I've heard a few stories. Plus they had their own main door, so perhaps they find it hard the change.

1. Get a ring doorbell.
2. Stop banging and ranting around your children. They must be scared when you're like that.

Just get a ring doorbell that way they won't know there's anyone at the door for you. It must be frightening for your child to live in a home with shouting and banging going on. Having depression and anxiety is no excuse- I have bipolar so am well versed in it. I never slammed and banged around my kids 🤷‍♀️

There isn't shouting and banging going on, this goes back quite a while.

Then there are some who say sometimes you have to shout 🤷🏻‍♀️ then you get some who say well occasionally is ok, so have we got to go by what everyone else thinks then or rather what is right and what is wrong.

I didn't say depression etc excuses anything.

You are fortunate then, as I've seen and heard different accounts of what has gone on with others with Bipolar, one person in particular who made others lives a misery and caused lots of trouble.

This is mumsnet, where apparently everyone is a saintly parent who never ever shouts at their kids.

What's your setup, OP? Are you renting, are they renting? Can you move at all?

I would just avoid them as much as possible, avoid all non-essential contact. My philosophy is to be polite to neighbours but never to become friends.

The doorbell system does sound like it needs replacing.

Let's not pretend there's not a vast range between being a "saintly parent who never ever shouts at their kids" and shouting, banging and 'ranting' to the extent that the police need to attend.

I don't know, it's hard to judge OP's behaviour as her neighbours sound a bit nuts, and they seem to be trouble-making in other ways. Shouting a bit and banging a couple of cupboard doors shut as a one-off or occasional thing doesn't sound police-worthy to me. I have a particular view on this because while it hasn’t happened to me, I live in a block where people have called the police on each other for honestly ridiculous/malicious reasons. It can happen.

It's a bit hard to judge this thread.
I'm not saying OP is wrong about any of this as I have had neighbours who have called the police on me maliciously (among many other things) so I can see it from that side I guess.
But I can see why posters are questioning her being right from how she comes across on the thread sometimes.