How do you and your partner split up the household chores?

[Mumbunz]

Chores and housework seem to be never ending and who does the most and who often can lead to many a relationship row.

In your household who does the chores?

If you share - how do you divide them up fairly - who does what and why?

If you have ever rowed or felt fed up about doing the lion's share of chores how did you tackle this issue and how best did you talk about and come up with a way to get more help from your partner?

Do you get the kids to help out? If so what system/rules do you have over household chores?

DH does:

• cooking
• washing up/ stack dishwasher (I would do this and sometimes to do, but I get fed up the HUGE mess he makes when cooking)
• kids lunch boxes
• some laundry
• mow the lawn
• bin day

I do:

• pretty much all the tidying
• cleaning
• laundry folding and putting away
• sorting kids clothes for school etc

I think we both are quite happy with this. He loves cooking which is why he does more of that. We used to split it more but since having the kids, I found it more difficult as they always wanted me when they came home from nursery etc. So he often cooks while I’m keeping kids happy! He is a great cook so works out well for me!

We try to get kids to help, particularly with tidying - varying levels of success! Older one does feed the cats though.

Generally I cook and clean the bathroom.
Dh washes up and irons.
The kids are responsible for keeping their rooms reasonable and clearing their dishes.
Everything else just gets done by whoever is free to do it. There's no list or rota.

Interestingly injury has brought about change in our house. Previously I did almost all (largely sahp, some wfh hours, sen child who needs significant handholding).

I've somehow messed up my back, can't lift anything, overstretch/reach anything. So I can't do everything anymore. It's been hard redistributing and kids 10/14 are pushing back hard... but we are making progress. Especially with the things that instantly affect - eg. Where is my PE kit? Did you put it in the washing? No.. well its still in your bag then... but I have PE today and its dirty...

We each do the ones we mind doing least. I clean the bathroom, dust surfaces, and do laundry. DH cleans the kitchen, cooks (I don’t think I’ve so much as switched the oven on in about three years) and does functional garden jobs whilst I do decorative garden jobs. I service our cars. He mainly sorts groceries. We have a robot vacuum cleaner. The little stuff that takes a minute like taking out the trash, it’s just whoever gets there first. We’re both very disciplined about putting things away so neither of us ever actually “tidy” per se, we just make sure everything has a place and put it back there every single time we’ve finished using it - it makes life a whole lot easier.

Ultimately I think that if you argue with your partner about chores all the time, your problem isn’t the chores themselves but a fundamental lack of respect and care for each other that really needs addressing holistically. Everyone would much rather be sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine than scrubbing the shower or folding the laundry, but when you care for and respect the people you love you do your share because it’s the fair thing to do.

DH:
Grocery shopping
Cooking
Bins
Log burner
Half the laundry

Me:
Tidying
Cleaning
Vacuuming
The other half of the laundry

I don’t work and my husband works 7 days at week most weeks. I do all the household chores. The teens do keep their rooms tidyish but they both go to college and work part time too so I’m happy to do the lions share.

We have never rowed about it. I appreciate he brings the money in and he appreciates me too.

We both do our own laundry.

Cooking is divided fairly evenly, we meal plan together but DH does food shop usually.

We have a bathroom each and clean our own bathroom, although DH needs to be told. We share cleaning of the kitchen. It is mainly me that dusts and vacuums the rest of the house. I do most of the general tidying up.

DH does bins and cat litter trays. DH does most of the dog walking.

@ComtesseDeSpair sounds very similar to us! I often have friends who are amazed at how much DH does. Feel bad for them.

I don't work, but I am attending college 3 days a week, and I do the lions share. The kids are meant to keep their rooms tidy, i go in, and do it once a month, they also wash up after themselves.
We meal plan together, we both do the food shop ( I can't drive), he will cook maybe twice a month, and he does all the DIY stuff, I do all the decorating. When it comes to the garden, we both do our share.

It's nice to see that most of you have divided the work nicely, and the kids are helping too. However, in my case, I think I end up doing the majority of the work, except for DIY or garden stuff, which my hubby does. Just wondering, does anyone have a cleaner on a weekly or monthly basis?

@ComtesseDeSpair We are also thinking about buying a robot vacuum cleaner, but I'm a little skeptical. Does it really work? Which one do you have, and are you happy with it?

Me
All cooking
All food shopping
All washing, drying, folding and putting away
Some gardening
Dishwasher - half and half

DH
The bins
Outdoor sweeping
Outdoor paintwork
Some gardening
Dishwasher - half
The bills and filing thereof

All of us
Keep things clean and tidy - the house is always tidy, kitchen and bathrooms always immaculate.

The cleaner
The cleaning - full clean with paintwork twice a year

The heavy gardening
The gardeners

DH has always worked far longer hours than me, so I do more.

We have never argued about chores or money. I was tempted to say that none of us rows either. One of DD's boyfriend's parents did, nationally and internationally

Husband -
1/3rd of shopping
95% of washing up and dishwasher stacking
Drain clearance
99% of cleaning
10% cooking

Me -
2/3rds Shopping and 100% planning
5%of washing up and 99% of switching on dishwasher and unloading
100% laundry
95% bin putting in and out and decluttering
90% cooking

Gardening - joint undertaking
Big projects planning and organising - all me but I run everything by him for joint decisions

I do the cooking, the general tidying up, and manage the household inventory (we go shopping together, but I'm tracking what we need etc). DH does all the washing and ironing, the gardening, and the bins. He generally drives if we're going somewhere. We split dishes, one person washing and one person drying.

We do a big house clean at the weekend, usually the bulk done by me as my work is super flexible and I'm generally finished everything by early Friday afternoon. DH helps when he can, but is often working until 17:00/18:00 whereas I'll usually be finished at lunchtime and have the cleaning basically done by the evening so we can enjoy the weekend

Ofc we're pretty flexible. I had horrid cramp the other week, so DH went shopping himself. Sometimes I drive if he's going to watch football with BIL and fancies a pint. Or if I end up having a particularly busy Friday, we just split the household clean on the Saturday instead.

Both work full time, no kids (as all grown up)

DH

• Friday, changes the bed, cleans bathroom
• Cooks every night
• Shops for said cooking and everything else
• Puts his clothes away
• Irons, his clothes (I don't iron mine)

Me

• Friday, hoover and polish the whole house after he has done his bit
• Responsible for the washing and hanging it up
• Fill and empty the dishwasher, mostly

Although we just help each other out

Cooking - my husband enjoys it so mostly cooks - I do the roast on a Sunday. I wash up after his cooking :)

The rest we both adults if something needs doing then do it - my husband can see a filling up laundry bin so will put a load on. He knows we change the bedsheet on a Wednesday before the cleaner comes, if I haven’t stipped the bed he will do it. We both have access to the online shop - we do meal plan together. But anything that is needed each of us can add to it.

yes we have a cleaner.

We also have a robot hoover that keeps on top during the week.

Bins - inside are all our responsibility but my husband job on a Tuesday! I’m more than capable but it’s something he does!

We both work full time & we both live in the house and we both made our children so we both need to work together.

I do everything except bathroom and lawns, plus he cooks half the time.

We have the Eufy 15C Max and I really rate it. It’s great at getting into the corners and tightly around table legs etc. Before this one we had a very basic early Eufy model and that was really good too although it didn’t have the room mapping function and so just wandered around at random which drove me nuts if I had to watch it!

We have hardwood floors and no pets - I can’t speak personally for if it has to tackle carpets and dog/cat hair, although friends who have pets have vacs with pet functions and rate them. You do need to have clear floors and obviously still have to have a small handheld to do the stairs and in small gaps.

We both work FT but me from home.

He does the ironing and cleans up after dinner.

I do all the cleaning and washing and shopping and cooking.

he’d happily do more but I’m not going to ignore some mess or something that needs cleaning just to ask him to do it at 7pm!

We have a cleaner and have done for years. It was very noticeable when we had a break between cleaners when our old one retired.

She comes once a week and alternates between upstairs and downstairs.

We got one because we both work full time, we had DH's kids living with us a lot and while they are tidy I wasn't going to clean up their bathroom, we have a dog who I'd rather be walking than staying in and cleaning the house and pets also create mess.

We also have a robot vacuum and a robot mop (the latter not a great success).

We are also relatively tidy and one of us will clean up the kitchen at night, generally whoever hasn't cooked.

Dh is tidier than me and will have a blitz most weekends. I do all the gardening.

Laundry is usually him, sometimes me.

We share cooking and shopping.

Dh:
Cooking
Washing up
Bins
Folding up washing and ironing
Mowing lawn
Bathrooms most weeks, although I sometimes do this
Sweeping and hoovering floors
All food shopping
Emptying and washing up lunchboxes and water bottles
Making the kids sandwiches in the morning
Cleaning the car

Me:
Dusting
Pet care
All other gardening
All laundry
Loading dishwasher
Cleaning kitchen
General decluttering
Mopping floors

Kids are expected to tidy, hoover and dust their bedrooms every weekend.

I was previously in a relationship where we had lots of arguments about who did the most housework and imo, one of us was definitely doing much more than the other one 😉. I would recommend a cleaner if you can afford it because neither of you are ever going to win this argument.

Me:
Cooks
Food shop (online)
Some laundry
Finances
Gardening (fun bits like planting and hacking stuff back)

Him:
Washes up and tidies kitchen
children’s bath and bed
Some laundry
Bins
Cat litter
Packs nursery bag
Gardening (putting stuff in bags to take to the tip and tidying up after me!)

Cleaner:
Cleans house
Changed beds

Me:

• cooking and meal planning
• ironing
• cleaning, other than floors
• sorting supermarket delivery
• tidying
• changing bedding

DH

• hoovering/mopping
• dishwasher/washing up
• laundry
• bins
• most gardening

It’s largely based on preferences (I’d rather scrub a toilet than wash up, DH doesn’t care what we eat and I do) and skills (DH can’t get the duvet in the case properly, I’m incapable of remembering to put the bins out on the right day). We did have a cleaner (which I definitely recommend!) but she’s taking a few months off for caring responsibilities so this is what we’re doing at the moment.

I think you start with available time and things you either enjoy (I like cleaning bathrooms) or things you don't mind.

But I think it is really important to start the children off when they are toddlers and build on that for housework stuff. A toddler can put their clothes into a laundry basket, not hard. They can also help load a washing machine so they learn how clothes go from being dirty to being clean, they can try to match dry socks if that is easy. Then helping tidy up whatever they have got out, hang their coats up when they come in from school because they hang their own coats up at school.

I say this as a long term sahm who never wanted our sons to see women as the cleaner/cook etc of the house. Dh is fully hands on though, he cooks, hoovers, he bought himself a cordless shark which he declares is far superior to the cordless Dyson I prefer and so whips that out all the time to hoover. He does the gardening because he enjoys it, I decorate because I am skilled at it and enjoy it. As the person not working I do a lot because I have the free time.

Ds1 is away at uni, Ds2 is year 13. The dishwasher is on a rota, Dh doesn't normally empty it but now Ds1 is at uni he does 2 days of what would be Ds1's, I cover the other. The children do their own laundry and they empty the kitchen and bathroom bins on a schedule. They both used to cook together on a Friday night for the family.