How do you and your partner split up the household chores?

[Mumbunz]

Chores and housework seem to be never ending and who does the most and who often can lead to many a relationship row.

In your household who does the chores?

If you share - how do you divide them up fairly - who does what and why?

If you have ever rowed or felt fed up about doing the lion's share of chores how did you tackle this issue and how best did you talk about and come up with a way to get more help from your partner?

Do you get the kids to help out? If so what system/rules do you have over household chores?

Me:
Washing up
Putting out rubbish and taking cans and bottles to recycling station
Washing car
Changing sheets
Hoovering
Drink shopping

My wife:
Meal planning
Cooking
Food shopping
Putting on laundry
Bills, insurance, similar tedious life tasks

Shared:
Cleaning bathroom
Hanging out laundry
Bringing in laundry

When everything is in English, I will do more of the tedious life stuff, but when it’s all in het language it saves time if she does it.

I hate cooking, so I’m so so grateful that my wife likes it.

All in all, it works for us.

We seem to have adopted quite a traditionally gendered divide

He:
Earns pretty much all of the money
Sorts bills/insurances/other financial stuff
Does the diy
Does the gardening (we don’t have much of a garden but he deals with what we do have)
Cleans the outside of the windows
Cleans the car (or doesn’t, mostly)
Does any maintenance on the car
Does half the activity runs

I:
Do the cooking (including meal planning and grocery shopping)
Do the dishes/dishwasher/kitchen clear up
Do the cleaning
Do the laundry
Do the school runs
Do half the activity runs
Do most of the childcare
Clean out the animals
Gather up the bins from around the house on bin day

The teenage dc are meant to clean their own rooms and put the bins outside on bin day.

The younger dc are meant to tidy up their own stuff and help clean up after dinner (putting their plate in dishwasher, wiping their place, sweeping up anything they dropped)

There are fewer arguments if we each know exactly what we are responsible for rather than trying to share tasks. It’s mostly fair although he does get more leisure time and his jobs are a bit more defined with a clear end (eg today he is painting a door and once that’s done it’s done whereas dishes, and vacuuming, and laundry seem to need doing on a constant loop). It’s partly my own mentality though, if I know something needs doing around the house I feel like it’s my duty to do it but actually I could choose to sit down and read a book instead if I wanted to.

My DS (14) helps a lot and gets pocket money for it. I also WFH whilst DH works 50 hours a week with a small commute so that does make a difference as I think it's only fair I do more as I work 10 hours less a week.

I do:

All washing, drying and putting away.
Most of the tidying and cleaning including the main bathroom
Some of the cooking
Online shopping

DH does:

Most of the cooking
Washing pots and pans nightly
Wiping down the kitchen / diner every evening
Cleaning of downstairs loo

DS does:

Vacuums the kitchen / dining room after dinner every night
Loads / unloads the dishwasher
Puts bin out / brings back in weekly
Puts own clothes away

Im retired and DH still works long hours.

I do:
All the shopping and cooking
All the laundry and ironing
Kitchen cleaning

He does:
All the gardening
Any car related things
Washing up after dinner
Emptying bins
All the household finances

We share:
Hoovering
Dusting
Bathroom cleaning
Bed changing
Dog walking

The balance seems to work for us.

DP: All the cooking, gardening, DIY.
Me: Washing up/dishwasher stuff, laundry, putting out the bins, bill-related admin.

Hoovering and bathroom - probably 75% me, 25% him. Depends on my work schedule which isn't fixed, sometimes I have very slow weeks and sometimes I'm snowed under.

Grocery shopping - I tend to start an online order and he'll finish it. If he's doing a big batch cook that will take all afternoon, we'll plan the shopping in the morning and I'll get the ingredients while he gets started in the kitchen.

Any tidying outside the kitchen and my office is done by him as he enjoys neatness and I don't care for it.

We don't have a car, children or pets.

Neither of us do ironing unless it's a rare formal occasion in which case we both realise neither of us knows where the iron is even kept.

We’ve shifted the lions share depending on who was working, so when in mat leave I did most but then I went back full time and DH went part-time so he did most.

These days we are both working full-time so it’s even again.

We have a cleaner which really helps because life is busy and we’ve 2 kids, voluntary roles, hobbies, friends and 3 parents between us that need increasing support.

I plan meals and shopping list and he shops

He does all the breakfasts and lunches (inc packed) every day and 1 or 2 meals at night - I cook proper meals from scratch 5 nights (including when we host guests)

He washes dishes/tidies kitchen every night though I might do that occasionally

I do all the laundry, any ironing and putting away

He does bins/recycling/tip trips

He does all basic DIY and I project manage, book and oversea any decorating / renovations using tradespeople.

He’s in charge of kids dentist and medical appts and I’m in charge of haircuts, new clothes and what’s on at school

We share the gardening - he usually mows every week and I weed and take care of the plants

Our youngest has some issues (awaiting ASD assessment) and needs help at bedtime which usually takes 60-90 mins. We alternate this as much as possible given other stuff going on.

I feel we operate as a team and it’s equal with no resentment.

Get a cleaner

I do
2 school drop off and 3 collection a week
Laundry 4 days a week and uniform ironing
Bath and bed times 6 days a week
Dinner 3/4 nights a week
All weekend activities with DS swimming tennis birthday parties etc
Unloading the dishwasher every day
All night time wake ups
Most morning wake ups

H does
3 school drop offs and 2 collection
Will put laundry in washing machine and dryer during the week but will not fold. Will put away own clothes.
Bath and bedtime 1 night a week
Dinner 3/4 nights a week
Loading dishwasher- most nights
Food shopping online

We have a cleaner every week who also changes our sheets.
We both neglect the garden.
We both work full time. I wfh 2 days and he wfh 3 days.

H feels very hard done by.

Oh and taking the bins out is pretty 50/50

DH:

All of the cooking
Washing up
Cleaning the kitchen
About 60% of vacuuming
Bins
Cutting the grass
Cat stuff (changing litter, flea treatment, etc)

Me:

All of the laundry
Food shopping (although sometimes get a delivery when I cba)
General tidying and the rest of the cleaning
Driving (DH doesn’t drive)
Finances
Life admin and organisational stuff (kids appointments, new uniform, managing the diary, booking stuff, etc).

We both work a similar amount, although I’m upping my hours slightly after mat leave. Childcare is very 50/50, DH does more school runs and I do more evenings + bedtimes as he works shifts. We both suck at DIY and avoid at all costs bar very basic painting walls etc.

I do almost everything when my husband is working 12-14 hour shifts but on his days off he will do loads. He also does all the gardening in summer

My DH works from home, so does most of the cooking, plus clearing up afterwards, all the washing , Ironing and hoovering, bins.

I clean the bathroom, dust , change the bed ( all kids grown and flown) cut the grass, all gardening, although he helps under supervision 😂

It works well for us, it's not a fixed list by any means, I like to clean the cooker as it's new so don't trust anyone not to scratch the hob,

He has always been hands on, whereas I waited hand and foot on the children ,so the only chore I asked of them was to keep their rooms tidy, but I would clean their rooms. I never had to do any chores when I was a child, so was happy to do the same for my DC, they all have their own homes and keep very clean and tidy houses, so I don't think it did them any harm, and they could see that keeping house wasn't just a "womans " job.

We both work full time my days off are Saturday and Sunday DHs days off are Thursday and Sunday.

There is no my chores / his chores… both of us on day off will do what needs doing in terms of cleaning / shopping etc

if one of us notices a wash needs to put on they will do it, or if bathroom needs cleaning or hoovering needs doing etc

cooking is whoever fancies doing it that night and the other washes up / cleans kitchen.

DS13 has to cook and wash up at least once a week (not on same night) and has to keep his room clean - including hoovering and dusting - if his stuff isn’t in wash basket it doesn’t get done - he is also capable of putting a wash on if he wants to.

generally works well - if one of us has a busier week at work then the other is happy to pick up extra that week to keep things ticking along.

forgot , he also does the main food shop,

I probably do 85% of the household chores (I WFH with complete flexibility, he works long hrs out of the house).

We share dog duties, I do mornings, he does evenings, and we share cooking/grocery shopping (we only cook 4 or 5 nights, leftovers of take out the rest of the week).

I usually set him a task/errand on his days off.

We never argue about chores, what's the point?

Jobs are split by gender and playing to strengths:

Man:
Mowing the lawns
Cleaning the cars
Chopping, spliting, lugging logs and cleaning log burner
Removal of dead vermin
Heavy lifting
DIY
Ironing
Most food shopping
IT stuff
Bins
Vets

Woman:
Hoovering (he misses loads)
Dusting (he misses loads)
Bathrooms (he misses loads)
Laundry
Shooting the vermin (he misses loads) 😎
Most other shopping
Planning DIY/home projects and holidays
Paying bills from joint account

Joint/whoever has more time:
Cooking
Washing up/drying
General gardening

I do everything in regards to cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, life admin etc

DH does the bins

During week
me
Cook dinner
walk dogs daily
laundry on and dry laundry in
whip round with Hoover probs once a week
general tidying
clean bathroom
Grocery dashes

DD 11
hangs wet laundry
feeds dogs on evening
makes her pack lunch
puts away dry dishes from night before

partner
feeds dogs on morning
puts bins out
Washes dishes and cleans kitchen every night

weekend
me
Top and bottom the house
take over laundry
full grocery shop
clean car

partner
walks dogs
cooks
mows lawn

DD11
responsible for cleaning her own room
strips her bed
might help me with steam mopping or vacuuming

partner often works weekends too as cash is tight. We’re both full time during week.
I feel resentful at times of doing the lions share; I also do all finances, school and dance runs, general organising, planning etc. he’s happy to sit around with piles of stuff everywhere and I feel much more settled when things are clean and tidy. Therefore I end up doing more by default because he’s often at work later and at weekends and I can’t walk past the mess.

I fantasise about having a cleaner.

I do the ironing, bills/admin
DH does pretty much everything else.
We do food shopping together.

If I'm on a day off work and I notice that something needs doing, then I'll do it. I also do the occasional clothes wash.

It's not something that we discuss - it just happens.
No DC at home

We have never really talked about it, but we never argue. I like planning, shopping and cooking so I do that. DH does hoovering and mows lawn. Laundry split generally. It's only us two so very easy to keep on top of.

I do most of the cleaning as I’m a sahm. DH cleans the bathroom. After dinner one person cleans the kitchen and does chores while the other does bath time.

Children are young (yr 3 and nursery) so they don’t clean but tidy up - (bedrooms in the morning and playroom in the evening for the robot vacuum) empty school bags and put water bottles/lunches boxes next to the dishwasher, put their dry washing in the basket, folded clothes into their drawer, plates next to the dishwasher. I should probably get the older one to do more.

Post maternity leave when I was working DH and geeked out and made a spread sheet of daily, weekly and monthly chores and how long they take and divide the tasks up.

We have a cleaner and everyone does their own laundry from age 13.
children do dishwasher from a similar age and chores are linked to pocket money, no chores no pocket money. I do almost all the cooking because I enjoy it, DH does the bins and finances which we then look through together, everyone is responsible for their sides of the families birthdays. We have a steamer for clothes and do our own if needed.

We have a robot vacuum and we have never been people to amass a huge amount of stuff. When MN was going wild about Maria Kondo I took a look and thought well that’s always been my philosophy shame I didn’t point out the obvious and sell it as an idea, props to the woman for sure.

My dp has printed a chore sheet and we sign which tasks we have done ( this is after I argued with him that I do the lion share of household chores) this week he has made it a point to do the chores but we’ll see how long it lasts.

When I was teaching full time and doing tutoring so out of the house 8-8pm I got a cleaner as couldn’t cope mentally. I had to work when I got home for another 3-4 hours. DH moaned about cost I said I would pay him the same to do it. So the cleaner stayed.
now I still work full time at 37 hours and tutor. It feels like PT but lower salary meant no cleaner so it has fallen to me as he just doesn’t see the dirt. Nobody would clean bathroom

DS makes his own packed lunch and has done since y3 when he came off free infant school meals. I said I would pay for hot dinners or he could make it. He does recycling and his own clothes washing. I’m not touching teenager laundry 😂

I haven’t owned an iron for at least 20 years. It’s a waste of my life. I buy clothes that won’t need ironing.

women carry the mental load though as DH cooks all our meals but I need to say what to cook.