To ask if you have ever grieved for someone who’s passed away who you have never met?

[Acapulco12]

It seems strange, I know. I don’t think this has ever happened to me before, but at the moment, I think I’m feeling all the usual stages of ‘grief’ for someone whose death I read about in the news and who I’ve never met. It’s very strange and unexpected. I just wondered if anyone else has ever had anything like that.

The only one who has affected me more than usual, more than I expected, was Olivia Newton John!

I grew up in the 70s and she seemed to always be on the radio and TV, first with Cliff Richard and then all kinds of weekend chat shows/variety shows, and then Eurovision.

I rediscovered her accidentally around 3 years ago when I subscribed to Spotify and started making play lists, which led to searching for Youtube videos of her in the US, Australia, etc., doing concerts, TV shows, chat shows, etc., and I discovered dozens of her songs I'd never heard before and I was hooked. Then I discovered all her good work, charities, environment/animal campaigns, etc.

It was public knowledge she was unwell after her cancer came back for the third time, and she'd disappeared from the media, so it was obvious the end was nearing, but it still hit me like a train when her death was announced on the news, and unusually for me, I was blubbing like a baby. Even now, I still well up when watching certain videos of her. Completely irrational, but it must be something to do with growing up to her soundtrack and then rediscovering her just before her death.

When the Queen died I felt grief my upbringing was unpleasant my adult life hasn't been much better tbh my life has felt directionless I felt tossed around like a boat with no oars at times the Queen has always been there on a stamp on a coin on the TV logically she couldn't last forever but I was still upset she was like a lighthouse in my constant rough seas my family were (and still are) unreliable but as long as the Queen was on the throne I felt like at least part of the world fitted as it should

Sigh 😕

I feel very sad when people die whose lives influenced mine.

When Jeff Buckley drowned, I remember it hitting me harder than anything else had up to that point. I was in my mid twenties and was completely obsessed with his music.

I was already a fan of his father's music, so when Jeff started making music and showed the same prodigious talent his father had, I just fell in love.

My then husband worked in the industry and so I met him a couple of times and had been to the gigs he did in London in 1994.

His death was pre internet and social media, so details were sketchy and rumour was rife. I can't explain how I felt but it was just so intense. I was heartbroken. Even now when I watch footage of him, the sadness I feel is disproportionately deep.

Really sorry to hear this, Theunamedcat 🌺🌺❤️❤️

I have been very sad indeed at the deaths of a few people but I wouldn’t claim it is grief. That seems odd to me and rather disrespectful to people who have lost people they actually know.

Watching someone on TV or reading about them in the news or online doesn’t mean you know them. You can’t ever know what a stranger would want or think, and claiming actual grief falls into that category of delusion.

I remember Princess Diana’s death vividly.
It was shocking.
Maybe because she was a young, healthy, fit woman with dependent children I don’t know.
I do remember feeling horrified by it and so, so sad for her children.
I also cried when the queen died. Maybe because she had always been their and was so very public.
I haven’t felt like that for anyone else.

God I’m really sorry @Nanny0gg, I didn’t think about the spoiler! My apologies. Anyway it wasn’t and she didn’t and I don’t know in any case. Lawks.

The murder of the two Nottingham students hit me hard. My DS is at the same uni and lives in the next street. The cctv of them innocently walking home moments before makes me cry.
I wouldn't say it's grief though. Just very sad.

Kara Mirza is the guy I was thinking of. I read today that his wife had been in conversation with David Cameron. I find it interesting that Putin seems to dismiss his opposition as non entities, yet still feels heavily invested in silencing / killing them. What's your problem, Vlad?

I completely agree with your point about Putin. I hope that the opposition leaders who are still in prison (Vladimir Kara Murza, Ilya Yashin and all of the others) will survive Putin but I’m not sure. I really do hope so though.

According to the Washington Post, a mildly oppositional candidate Boris Nadezhin has been barred from running as a presidential candidate due to "technicalities". This guy is so "inoffensive" he even has a presence on Russian state media, yet has still been shut down. I have so much respect for the ordinary people in that country who are willing to put their head above the parapet. They are so brave.

Jesus. This makes me think more and more that Navalny was killed precisely because of the elections coming up and because Putin thought that Navalny would pose a threat to him despite being in prison.

I’ve been thinking exactly the same as you about the bravery of Russian people who publicly oppose Putin. I’m in awe of them. I think that’s why Navalny made such a massive impression on me. If I was Russian and living in Russia, I’m not sure I would have been brave enough to pay my respects at his funeral last week. I think their bravery is astonishing and really inspiring.

I also read in a couple of newspapers recently that Russia is close to becoming a dictatorship, or perhaps it already is one. I don’t say that lightly at all. I don’t have the words to describe how atrocious Putin is behaving. This is horrifying.

You're forgiven!

Thank you. Fabulous user name btw!

I completely agree with you. Russians who are willing to speak up are literally putting themselves on the line. I am an average Western numpty who occasionally mouths off about politics. Someone in my position in Russia could possibly find themselves in prison. I totally agree with you re the bravery of Navalny, Kara Murza and all the brave Russian dissidents. I hate to say it but if I were in their position I would probably keep my mouth shut. All power to them.

I’ve just been watching an Instagram post by Navalny’s wife, Yulia. She is incredible too - so strong and resolute. I wish I knew Russian so I could fully understand what she is saying in the Instagram video. I hope we hear much more from her (and Navalny’s children, if they wish to speak out as well) in the coming years. I know that Navalny’s daughter has spoken about her dad in public a few times now, but I hope we carry on hearing more from his family in the years to come.

A musician, Mark Lanegan. He was the singer of Screaming Trees, one of the earlier Seattle bands tagged as grunge. He went on to record a huge body of imcredible, highly acclaimed work both solo, and with other artists such as Queens of the Stone Age and Isobel Campbell.

He had absolutely debilitating addictions to alcohol, heroin & crack. He got clean in the early 2000's, and had just moved to Ireland with his wife and sounded to be settling in to a quiet and contented life, when he got Covid so badly he spent months in a coma. He seemed to be on the mend, and then he died.

His memoir, Sing Backwards and Weep, is one of the best things I've ever read, in turns heartbreaking and hilarious.

Anyway, he died just over 2 years ago and I grieved, and still am grieving. I'll wake up in the night crying and feeling sick to the stomach. I know it isn't normal. But shortly after he died I was diagnosed with incurable cancer. I'm sure a psychologist would say I'm actually crying for myself. I don't know.

Other deaths have upset me a lot - Kurt Cobain, Taylor Hawkins, Terry Pratchett, John Peel, Amy Winehouse, David Bowie - but not on the same level.

Navalny's family are exceptional aren't they. I'm going to see if there is any campaign going on in the UK, where British people can add their voices to the fight. It's not much but I'd like to feel like I can contribute, even in a small way.

My goodness, I’m so sorry @OldMrsHempstock ❤️🌺🌺

I absolutely agree. I feel exactly the same.

I’ve written to my MP to ask if they can do anything to put greater pressure on the Russian government to release Russian political prisoners and to allow Russian people who want to pay their respects to Navalny to do this without being intimidated or sent to prison.

In my letter to my MP, I’ve also asked if the British government could do anything to recognise Navalny for the bravery he showed as an opposition leader. I know there is a street in London named after Boris Nemtsov, an opposition leader killed by the Russian government in 2015 (Boris Nemstov Place, in Hampstead) and I wonder if we could do something similar for Navalny. Of course, it won’t bring him back, but it will keep his name and memory alive and hopefully it will help spark conversations about political rights, democracy and human rights etc.

Also meant to add - @Ginandpangolins, please do keep me posted if you spot any campaigns on keeping Navalny’s fight going and continuing his legacy. I haven’t seen anything yet, but I’ll keep my eyes peeled.

I just wanted to add on Vladimir and Putin - I am old enough to remember when
Mikhail Gorbachev was president between 1985-1991. He bought Russia into a world of freedom, follow by Boris Yeltsin continuation of it..

When Putin took over everything they had built changed. Mikhail Gorbachev, passed away last year a broken man. He knew Putin as a young man who he helped counsel.

Mikhail Gorbachev couldn't get over what Putin has slowly done to Russia. When Putin declared war in Ukraine that really finished him. Yes Gorbachev was 91 so it was his time however he was indeed broken by what Putin had done.

Incidentally: The Norwegian Nobel Committee awarded the 1990 Nobel Peace Prize to Mikhail Gorbachev, for his leading role in the peace process which characterized important parts of the international community, he served.

Depending on who you read Gorbachev was/is a hero and to others he was and is too liberal/a nuisance.

Regarding Yeltsin, he stood as an independent as he had resigned from Mikhail Gorbachev party. Yeltsin continued the period of stability before he unexpectedly stook down making way for Putin and we know what has happened with Putin regime

Shocked/sad, never grief like I have felt for lost loved ones.

My child has only ever had 1 grandparent and I feel sad for the deceased grandparents who would have absolutely loved her, had they met her. I never met my DP's parents and I'm not particularly sad about that for myself, but I do think about how my DD has missed out on unconditional love from 3 people, which makes me sad.

A couple of family ones, yes.

My mother found out in her 50s that she had had a half-brother, but that he'd died a few years previously.

And DH was sent a photo via Ancestry that had his uncle in it, who died at 19 near the end of the war. He'd never seen a picture of him, and they were the image of each other. Again, it was a sort of grief that he'd missed so much of life, that we'd never had the chance to know him, and we'd never known how FIL felt about raising a son who looked so like his brother.