Husband scammed. Change house to my name?

[Sunnydaysaregreat]

It's looking very likely my husband has invested tens of thousands of pounds (turns out most of it is his family's as they thought he knew about money) in a scam investment. Spoke to FCA and Fraud Action already, both brilliant and gave help.

Although I'm shocked, I'm being calm with my husband and intend to talk about how we go forward, and pay back his family (I've been advised we're unlikely to get much money back). I'm trying to keep it together but the red flags were so clearly all over these companies, it's actually worried me so much that he is a liability for our financial safety (we have young children).

AIBU to tell him I want to house transferred into just my name? Obviously there's a huge trust issue in that he was doing all of this investing without telling me, but it's husband judgement I'm most concerned about. I'm going to talk to Citizens Advice tomorrow to ask about how this is done.

Advice appreciated as while I am being sensitive to the fact that he has absolutely been scammed, his judgement makes me feel unsettled.

Also, the nail in the coffin was that he was initially upset but then the next day started defending himself abd saying I wouldn't understand the 'entrepreneur' style of businesses he was dealing with, and said I was catastrophising because we might get some money back. Far from being angry, I closed down because I know he's still under their influence and can't see/accept what's happened which is what Victim Support told me might be a problem.

So he's decided not to discuss his "investments" and now thinks you're too stupid to understand.

You've definitely made the right decision to LTB

@Sunnydaysaregreat Well, while that’s obviously sad, I do believe things happen for a reason and maybe this was your moment of clarity to decide on your future. I strongly believe it’s never too late to start over. I’ve done it twice and I’m better off for it. Financially and emotionally. I wish you all the best. 💛

100%.

and then if not already separate bank accounts and maybe just a joint one to put money into for bills and outgoings for direct debits and standing orders

Perhaps you should lock your cupboards, refuse him access to your food and starve your children's father to death as well? Doubt you would be protected by transferring the house anyway. Any creditors could come after it. You don't own half a house. You both own the whole house. Anything transferred after the date that his debts were accrued can't just be vanished away.
Whatever happened to love and understanding that people make mistakes? Get others to lean on him to try and make him see sense. Call a family meeting? Discuss and help him come up with a plan. People get duped. Even intelligent people. Your post suggests that you are more interested in protecting yourself than his mental well being. Sorry but that's how it comes across to me.

@Tokerers Yes, protecting my children's future security is incredibly important to me, probably the most important thing. I experienced poverty as a child and i think that's why fear totally gripped me when I found out. Also, he's not secretly invested a bit of money in these scams, he's put in a life changing amount. However, his mental health is my concern too, which is why I'm posting on here because I am being so calm and supportive with the consequences of this with him. In fact I had to call all the necessary numbers first for him. As I said, I'm not throwing our marriage under the bus at the moment, I'm going to wait and let this initial dust settle. If you read my earlier message, he also had an affair, and I believe we all get to make a mistake, but what kind of idiot would I be if I stay with someone who breaches trust on every level. It's not right and goes beyond love and understanding.

This is also my understanding. I bought a house with my ex when we were married. It was only in my name as he didn’t pass credit checks. That bit wasn’t an issue at the time as bad credit was due to a company wrongly adding something and we didn’t have time to have it rectified before losing the mortgage deal. Was advised we could add him on later. We tried but it was going to cost a lot so planned to wait til we remortgaged. By the time we came to remortgage we couldn’t as house had gone into negative equity so had to just say on the same variable deal at the time (luckily it was going down not up). We then separated and I was advised to get a divorce asap as he was also a bad spender with quite a bit of debt and I could be liable for the bailiffs if they came knocking as we were still married. The negative equity was no one’s fault. The house prices plummeted literally weeks after we bought. It took me a while to get his name off joint accounts etc. we did a clean break type divorce with me keeping the house as selling it would have caused us both debt to repay. He took his debts with him and I took my name off the joint account and just kept my own accounts.

Perhaps you should lock your cupboards, refuse him access to your food and starve your children's father to death as well?

Given that he previously had an emotional affair and is now maintaining OP is just too stupid to understand his grand financial schemes, I'd say that's about the level he deserves.

There's not a chance in hell he would willingly let you take his name off the house, so it's a good thing that you've decided you need to leave him.

He's given you concrete proof he's not reliable or trustworthy now, especially after the affair.

If you have the house transferred just to your name you will have to prove to the mortgage company that you can afford it on your own, that's if they agree, which they probably won't unfortunately.

Only if he agrees. He has a contract with the mortgage company.

The guy sounds like an incredibly stupid knob, especially if he kept these 'investments' secret fom you. You should seek advice to preserve your assets a consider divorcing him. He is ibvioysky very stupid and not to be trusted.

The only thing I'd advise now is to Divorce as soon as you can. You don't want him squandering absolutely everything then wanting half of your money in the financial order.

Do it! This will protect you from potentially losing your home to creditors. If he is still working he can stand guarantor for your mortgage if your salary is not enough.

Why are you asking your dirty linen in public…..disappointing

Personally I would divorce him asap!

"Asking" it what?

You are not being unreasonable however I think it is a bit over the top to want to legally separate or divorce.

The truth is anyone can fall victim to scam. You’ve definitely been through a lot with the infidelity and now this.
But marriage is tough which is why you take vows … this is the trying times of it.
If the roles were reversed, not even scam but say you sunk in money to what turned out to be a bad investment it won’t be nice if he decided to leave.

If at all you were to divorce it’s the infidelity that would have gotten to me.

Even if you were to transfer deeds to your name it honestly wouldn’t make much of a difference as you don’t have a prenup in place so technically your assets are still intertwined if it came down to divorce.

Have a conversation first but give it a day or so for you both to calm down, don’t come off condescending or mean either. I know it’s hard but you just have to speak to him from a place of reason.

If he is willing to make things right speak to a lawyer first on your own to see where you stand and then together. I definitely will be looking at getting a post nuptial agreement in place so that in the event of the worst happening, you will at least be protected.
Now if the title of deeds are changed to your name and mentioned in your post-nup it should hold in court.

Also pull out of joint accounts. No more joint accounts.
Get him to carry on paying his share of bills and you do the same.

Have you got a Will that explicitly names you children as benefactors of your entire estate? Whilst your married he has a significant interest in your estate if you die.

Moving on, I'd consider breaking financial ties via a divorce even if you remain a couple and I would make clear to him that these investments are his burden. HE owes his family, not your family pot. HE gets a job to earn and repay those debts. No using joint accounts and repaying if he wants to stay together. You need to consider legal risks of staying married vs risks he will never pay it back if you split.

If he had an affair and hes spending your money:

1. He isnt married to you emotionally. He isnt making mistakes, he is being selfish, as he probably always was but you overlooked it and he was probably a bit more covert about it. Now he knows you'll.stay through cheating, why even put up a smokescreen of being an honest man?
2. he may be trying to move money pre divorce.

@Sunnydaysaregreat a couple of weeks ago I found out my 21 yr old has been scammed out of thousands of pounds ( University maintenance loan he had accumulated over 3 years). It was invested in a similar 'scheme' as you mentioned. The scammers drip paid him interest for 6 Months and now have stopped all payments taking with them all the lump sum.
I do not know what to do. I have managed to find the person online but then once done a companies house check he has many dissolved businesses.
I can't believe my Son has been so gullible. I have gone through all the emotions shock, disbelief, anger and sadness.

@CommentNow I actually considered your second point tbh
Especially with his lack of remorse and nonchalance about the situation.

My mum’s sister went through something similar where he was the main bread winner. He wiped her completely clean before divorcing her. It was so brutal!
After years of court all she was able to get from the divorce was the house and car.
He already had another woman who he moved in with during their divorce.

If you’ve watched the Betty Broderick story, that’s exactly what he did to her plus the little savings she had, he “borrowed” it from her in small installments to invest back into his business until she had nothing left. Did everything possible to manipulate and drag their divorce.

My mum as well went through something similar 😂 luckily she’s the main bread winner. As soon as my dad started moving mad with money she completely got out of their joint account. Legally divided their assets.
He just made a very poor decision and wanted to make the marriage work. With years of counselling they ended up being okay. Which is why I was leaning more towards no divorce but I mean…

I guess OP has to kinda figure out what he is playing at.
Is he being financially manipulative or was this a genuine mistake?

But don’t stall on retaining a solicitor and a forensic accountant in particular. It’s a small price to pay for your financial peace of mind.

Several things:

1. if you have that kind of money to invest and a mortgage then with the current mortgage rates he should have just paid off some of the mortgage rather than invested
2. if family gave him money to invest then it is there problem if he lost it, he shouldn’t have to pay it back
3. You have bigger problems in your marriage if you are coming on here to discuss this, he made a mistake investing this but you are not being trustworthy coming on here

but he also made a really bad decision a few years ago (emotional affair) and I have realised I can't live life always looking over my shoulder.

Exactly this. You would be a sitting duck waiting for his next left of field move. You cannot build or move forward in a marriage where one of you has shown themselves to be deeply untrustworthy and on more than one occasion. He's now shown that his judgement is fundamentally poor which makes him unreliable. If OP stays in the marriage she would be building their family's future on quicksand.

It also doesn't matter whether the investment comes good or not: it was a huge amount of money, it was very risky, it looked like a scam, it involved money from other family members, it wasn't discussed with OP and it has put the family home at risk. Even if it came good to some degree, I'd still leave him for those points alone.

I have no advice but felt the need to give you all my love and wholehearted hope that you will all come through this stronger and tighter... I've been there and it's made me, I hope a better person. It takes time and self belief but you will get there.... 🤗