Husband scammed. Change house to my name?

[Sunnydaysaregreat]

It's looking very likely my husband has invested tens of thousands of pounds (turns out most of it is his family's as they thought he knew about money) in a scam investment. Spoke to FCA and Fraud Action already, both brilliant and gave help.

Although I'm shocked, I'm being calm with my husband and intend to talk about how we go forward, and pay back his family (I've been advised we're unlikely to get much money back). I'm trying to keep it together but the red flags were so clearly all over these companies, it's actually worried me so much that he is a liability for our financial safety (we have young children).

AIBU to tell him I want to house transferred into just my name? Obviously there's a huge trust issue in that he was doing all of this investing without telling me, but it's husband judgement I'm most concerned about. I'm going to talk to Citizens Advice tomorrow to ask about how this is done.

Advice appreciated as while I am being sensitive to the fact that he has absolutely been scammed, his judgement makes me feel unsettled.

Absolutely take control of the house and any other financial affairs. Remove any financial links with him, such as joint accounts in both your names. You know he takes risks with money, and he owes a lot to his family. Putting aside the fact he could get scammed again, he could try to pay back those he owes with what he has access to.

Make sure he cannot access any money or credit in your joint names, be that savings, mortgage, credit card, overdraft or loan. Have your salary paid into your own account. Make him give you money for the bills and take responsibility for those. Do not trust him with money, he may not have done it on purpose, but he is a serious risk to your families financial security.

Once you've protected your family financially, have a think about what this means for your future together. He has made a huge mistake, you'll necer fully trust him with money again. Believe me when I say different attitudes to money can and do destroy marriages.

No they're not - totally normal everyday transaction (ex mortgage broker and building society mortgage adviser and financial adviser here) as long as the affordability is there then it's fine. It does involve a solicitor but the costs are minimal.

Forgot to say, get a credit report to make sure he hasn't done anything in your name or jointly that you don't know about. If he has you there are ways to deal with it officially.

Was it a scam or a very poorly judged investment?

If an actual scam is there any legal action you could take? How did the scam work?

Do you have joint bank accounts or do you have your own money somewhere he can't access

Changing the house ownership seems like a drastic first step if he was the victim of a scam

Yes Shoppingshamed it would be drastic but it was such a huge amount invested (he got sucked into a "guaranteed" high return for lump sum investments) and I should add he was going to invest more. It was simply me finding out and contacting FCA that stopped him putting even more money in. I absolutely feel so sorry for him because he is a proud man which is why I'm being very calm with him and talking about ways forward. But to be honest, my protective instinct has gone into overdrive to make sure my children are financial secure.

@missmollygreen As far as I can gather, he used family money (his extended family and also his shared money with OP) without telling her. Do you not think that is wrong?

Did you not make financial decisions together? Especially big ones.

I absolutely feel so sorry for him because he is a proud man which is why I'm being very calm with him and talking about ways forward

It's good to stay as calm as you can, but you might want to be careful about this "pride"

It can so quickly turn to arrogance, and the fact he didn't even discuss this with you would worry me greatly

My exhusband was an accountant . He invested hundreds of thousands for friends of friends he was introduced to at posh dinner parties. The money was lost in a scam. They sued him. He lost.The marital home had to be sold and his half paid off the debt. His wife has divorced him and is now living in the tiny house she bought with what was left. The marital house was in her name because of previous financial twattery on his part.It was jointly owned at the time of the scam so it was the asset that paid the debt. The judge was very unimpressed that they had transferred an asset in an attempt to avoid losing it.

As a married couple all big financial decisions need to be made together as a couple.

have you asked him why he did this without telling you?

Putting it in her name won't make any difference if they get divorced as it would still be considered an asset of the marriage but it will mean he has no right to take loans out against it. If he won't cede financial control to op they should get divorced anyway for her own protection. They can still live together as a couple it just means he can't gamble away her half of the money or at least not without committing fraud. And she won't be liable for his debt.

How did he have access to this family
Money in order to invest? Did he convince them to hand it over?

I had to do this as my deceased dh made such poor financial decisions.
He left a lot of unsecured debts when he passed away and would have probably cost me around 20k if he'd still had a share in our home.To have added this to the funeral costs and other additional expenditure would have crippled me.
Think of your family and secure their home.

Aside from the finances, which you’ll deal with practically, you’re being incredibly calm about a huge betrayal.

He’s recklessly put you and your children’s home and livelihood in jeopardy, and the money he will be giving back to his family will be coming out of your own family coffers. This not wanting to punish him thing, I don’t get it. He’s literally tipped your life upside down and reduced your standard of living while you scrabble around looking for ways to stay upright. He’s not a good man/proud man/super dad whatever, he’s arrogant and deceitful. To not tell you and to go and do this, I’m furious just thinking about it.

@Sunnydaysaregreat: 'I absolutely feel so sorry for him because he is a proud man which is why I'm being very calm with him and talking about ways forward.'

That's all very well, but he was leaving you up shit creek without a paddle, to use a colloquial phrase.
Absolutely get the house put in your name if you can. The way he's going, you might end up with nothing left - sorry.
And then, he needs to run each and every financial decision by you before he acts on it. If he doesn't, you can't trust him with anything.

I think you also need to check all the finances to make sure he's being honest about the amounts lost.

You're keeping calm about a massive betrayal! Many wouldn't
I think you'd need to see a financial advisor rather than CAB
Do whatever you can to secure you and your DCs future
Please check your credit score( Experian or Credit Karma) immediately
You say he is a proud man, but that can morph into arrogance
Does he acknowledge what a shitshow he has caused?

Give over 🙄

Thank you so much, your replies have kept me sane this evening and I've got so much to think about.

To those of you asking about betrayal, yes I think that is starting to sink in after the initial shock of it all. I'm not going to rush anything at the moment as I just need him to contact the bank, FCA etc to start to sort this out but my blood genuinely ran cold when I found out because of the fear of my children's happiness and security being in jeopardy. I know this might mean the end of our marriage if I can't feel safe or trust him again.

Losing tens of thousands and hiding it from your wife or partner goes abit beyond a mistake 🤣 it’s pure stupidity. Those kinds of transactions should be discussed

F

Was it a pyramid scheme??

I'd leave the bloody imbecile.

Even if you can't take on the whole house could you do the tenants in common thing so you do own a good portion of the house? Even 70/30 in your favour would be better than joint.

My understanding is that as the debt was incurred whilst the house was also in his name, his creditors can come after the equity in the house. Putting it in your name protects you to a degree from his future financial errors though it doesn't protect you from the chaos and upset of the fallout from those errors. I completely see why, if it was such a glaringly obvious scam, which indicates next to no judgement on his part, you are left wondering if you can have a future with him.

So very sorry, it must be shattering for you.

You're married.

Having the house in your name does not make it safe.

Whilst your married you essentially have no way of ring fencing the house.

Run for the hills now before he takes you down with him. There is absolutely no way of you being financially safe while you are married