To ask how often you ignore someone calling you

[Biggybigbiggles]

I quite often see a friend /family member calling and just not pick up, usually because I can't be fucked to speak. Is this normal? 😬

I always pick up to DP as he's the only person I have energy for all of the time. But sister, mum, friend etc. Will probably get my answerphone more often than not. Am I a complete twat? I still speak to them a few times a week through text.

My phone is on silent all the time unless I'm expecting a specific call at a roughly specific time. I don't actively ignore all calls but in practice I mostly don't notice them (and I wouldn't pick up if I was in the middle of something else). Not that anyone calls anyone any more. Messaging is the quickest and easiest way to reach people if you actually have something to communicate with them.

If I’m at home I’ll usually answer, but if at work I won’t. I’ll always return the call though - I think it’s rude to completely ignore it.

All the nice news comes via message (have been the recipient of all of them).

I don't think on a daily basis that I have to be prepared for bad news, no. You'd have to be very anxious in general to gear your life around maybe getting a call that someone's had a serious accident (unless you had a loved one who was at higher risk of this). I have actually had the dreaded call that DP had collapsed at work though. I was on the tube with no signal so his colleague had to message me anyway. Which is absolutely normal and made no difference to any outcome.

I always answer my phone. I always answer the door too.

One particular friend used to try ring me almost every night, especially over the lockdown period and a couple of years after. She'd ring anytime between 9 and 11pm and try keep the conversation going to between 1 to 2am. When I'd try to end the call she'd have a new subject change to another mini crisis in her life or bring up something sad that had happened to her. I often felt trapped and suffocated by her calls and would ignore them on occasions until I inserted boundaries. Since doing so we have thankfully drifted and aren't as close as she made out we were.

I'm not a fan of phone chatting at all tbh, much prefer text or WhatsApp or email.

Text isn't the same as speaking though

I do with my Dd sometimes. When I am short on time/ just about to leave the house/ go into a work call and I know she's going to go off on one or start asking to be able to do something she knows I will say no too and then have a meltdown. I ask her to message and reply immediately instead.

I’m going through an unusually very busy period atm, so rarely answer the phone (unless it’s our kids).

Does your mum ring you approximately 10 times a day, to tell you she is reading the paper, or the cat meowed or ask where you are, who you are with, where your children and spouse are etc etc? When you see her in person about 3 times a day?

I always answer the phone to my wife/dad/best friend because they only rings for actual reasons.

I answer the phone to my sisters about 50% of the time because one will be on for hours and the other only rings when she wants something.

This- I don’t spend my day worrying about bad news coming.

If it’s something like the kids school ringing obviously you answer because that only happens when something bad has happened, or say a family member you don’t speak to much- if they call it’s likely to be for a reason and you know that that might be serious…

but the people I ignore I see daily and they ring me 100 times a day seemingly just to drive me nuts.

No because my mum is dead. When she was still here and not well I would happily answer the phone to her 10 times a day.

I ignore if I am work but otherwise would answer. TBH mostly everyone i know just text so a call would be a surprise.

But I have some family members who actively screen - then never get back to you. My aunt says quite openly it's because she can't be bothered. I've mostly stopped bothering with her now because you just feel like if you are clearly not that important to her why pursue it?

Everyone’s mother will be dead one day. That doesn’t make them perfect in life.

I didn’t say my mum was not well? She is in fine fettle in my back bedroom, having breakfast in bed like every day.

Her plans today are online shopping and planning what to take on her 3 month trip to her second home.

So far she has seen me twice and rung me once this morning. She has also seen my kids, my dad and my DW.

She has 5 siblings, 4 children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, as well as nieces and nephews and talks to them regularly.

She just wants to discuss every thought that passes through her head with me because I’m her favourite!

I only answer always my DH or one of my kids. Everyone else it’s based on my energy levels (which are usually low). Family though if they called it would be an emergency as we only speak on birthdays so I probably would answer.

There’s always one…

People don’t really phone me, mostly message. I don’t really phone others either unless it’s something time sensitive I need to get hold of them about.
I do answer my phone when it rings unless it’s an unknown number, I never answer my phone to an unknown number, every time I have it’s been spam. The only caveat to that is if I’ve called the doctors in the morning they will ring back with an appointment and the number is always withheld.

I quite often see a friend /family member calling and just not pick up, usually because I can't be fucked to speak. Is this normal?

It's mean and horrible. I wouldn't bother with you TBH.

Having said that I'm not in the habit of randomly calling people. I always message first to ask if they are free.

DD lives and works over 100 miles away, and she rings me most days when she is walking home from work. She lives on her own and feels more secure when she is walking home in the dark when she is on the phone to me. She also likes to have a bit of a rant about work because she has no-one at home to rant to.

I never ignore a call from her. The only other person who rings me regularly or a chat is my cousin, but it is only now and again, and I like talking to her.

Other occasional calls I get would be from the GP or the car dealer where I get my car serviced, so ignoring calls from them would be stupid.

Friends and family - almost always

My ex- never. He will call, and if I don't pick up, he will ring repeatedly, sometimes 40 times in a row. It's his one remaining way of trying to bully me so now he's on silent and I don't pick up at all. He can send me an written message and then I'll decide whether to engage or not.

Work calls - I scan calls. It depends.

I never answer to family members. They are usually calling to ask a favour and can be quite unreasonable. For example, I’m the only driver in my immediate family and DF or siblings frequently expect me to do airport runs when they go on/return from holidays even though I’ve explained I can’t drive to Heathrow at 5am as I have to take DC to school. Plus I’m bitter as haven’t had a holiday abroad in 5 years and they go away annually😭

My friends only message. We never call each other.

The only people I would pick up to without a moments hesitation are my DC.

For everyone else, there’s WhatsApp.

I always picked up my mums calls as she lived alone.

My sisters, nieces/nephews don’t call often so I would pick up to see whats going on. They usually call for a reason.

My brother doesn’t call often either but when he does it is an hour or more talking about himself so i pick and choose when i answer. Usually when i am driving, or waiting for a takeaway so i have an excuse to end the call. Still feel bad about it as I think he feels disconnected from having a family unit since our parents died as he lives alone.

i have a headset and usually put that on and do something while chatting.

Why not tell them you dont want to chat and you will call them if and when required. 99% of the callers/people would get the message

We only get a few calls a month from siblings and we are aware who chats long or not. If we are eating and call is not at an unusual time, we will call back after eating.

Let us know how you get on having told them as above. I', pretty certain it will do the trick ie tell them. But you may find most of them may not to answer your call.

My sisters, nieces/nephews don’t call often so I would pick up to see whats going on. They usually call for a reason.

I'm with you on this. As so few people ring me because they usually message instead I would pick up a call as it would be becasue it was something that needed dealing with straight away.

Do the people who ignore calls ever message the caller to find out what they wanted?

I only answer calls from DP, DCs or GP/dentist. I have zero time for pointless chit chat. Also, I don't open the front door if were aren't expecting anyone. We can see people walk up the drive (or park on it) so we have some warning. It's perfectly acceptable not to fit in with everyone else's schedule.

Im constantly on phone at work..and ignore some calls when home and get back to them another time

@Biggybigbiggles yes! All the time, I just find it suffocating to be honest. I’ll text them if I’m busy and will call them back. Sometimes I just want to chill and I don’t want to get into a conversation. It’s not a summons and just because the phone is beside or even in your hand does not mean you are obliged to answer. My parents could call me 4 times in a row for something really trivial. It’s tiring. I have a call twice, “then text rule” if it’s important. If not I just call once.
I rang my mum once the other day to say hi and ask a quick question and when she answered she said “ I’m just doing handover at work, can I call you back?” In my opinion there was no need for her to answer in the first place (not to mention rude to those around her!) but that’s the mentality a lot of people have these days and they don’t even realise it.