Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

[Kenthighst]

I know all state schools produce well rounded children eg those kids that are academic, musical, sporty, confident, excel at drama & can try their hand at anything.

But private schools churn out well rounded kids so aibu to wonder if it is the actual school who produce these kids or is it parental input?

OFSTED is absolutely toffee if you don't mind me saying. It's about 'distance travelled' which actually means a school that used to be a total dump and gets terrible progress 8 scores will be 'outstanding' and another school that has never been terrible remains 'good'. State schools and the provision they can offer has been exacerbated by Labours acadamisation of the UK school system. Which saw responsibility for our schools removed from local authorities and given to organisations (owned by Tory donors like Mr Carpetright). It's a disgusting shambles.

‘As someone who went to state school, I think it is a shame that those who are strong proponents of the state sector come across badly on these sorts of threads. Inverse snobbery, lazy generalisations, narrow minded, using derogatory terms and seeming like they have a massive chip on their shoulder’

💯. These days, I just don’t talk about private school (apart from here). There’s no point. The judgment and inverse snobbery from some, is palpable. Especially the chips on shoulders.

That's great then I'm very happy for you and him. Our choice was to do something different and put our spare cash into the education of our daughter rather than lots of holidays/upgraded cars or other materialistic things which we probably would have spent the money on.
Is private education for SC with SEN but no EHCP who are unable to cope in mainstream schools ethically indefensible? Is it indefensible for DC of army parents who constantly move and uproot their DCs education? Is it indefensible for those DC who are on full bursaries ie parents on very low wages?
Or is it just indefensible for parents who can afford to pay the fees and choose not to send DC to state?

Agree.

Parents underestimate the difference that the time and interest they give their children will make to their ‘roundness’. Cultural capital, listening to them read, being interested in them, giving them your time, playing with them goes a long way in developing‘roundness’.

Good grief. Listen to yourself.

I have 2 at secondary school, 1 at an independent and 1 at a state school. They were allowed to choose whatever school they wanted.

They are both as confident and well rounded as each other but I have to put in a lot more effort for my one at state school.

He is a member of the local cricket club, the local tennis club, he does boxing, and is part of a theatre company. All of this is outside school and I’ve had to get him onto waitlists, have to drive him around to all these activities etc.

With my daughter in private school I don’t have to think about any of this. She does sport daily in school, is in the A teams for all the sports, is in the drama club and debating team. She is in school generally from 8am to 5pm every day and plays for the teams every Saturday morning with all transport provided by the school.

So what I guess I’m saying is that you can produce confident well-rounded children regardless of which school they go to but the parent needs to step up and fill the gaps from a state education.

It often seems to mean "nice manners". Which are good things to have- but say nothing about what sort of person you are except that you've been taught to have nice manners.

Exactly I see nothing wrong with people being aspirational & ambitious for their children. If ones own parents has no vision or aspirations for them what hope do they have?

Having aspirational, ambitious parents worked out rather nicely for Kate Middleton 😁

Oh I feel for you! Yes completely agree they have nothing more beneficial to say but their self assurdness, pronunciation, accents & little pauses for dramatic effect can convince most they have the answers to world peace.
So I turn they are taken more seriously.

oh yes becoming a real princess nothing tops that

Two of my children went to private school.
Because ( I suppose) of class sizes ( 12 ) it did not feel like ' school' -when you was inside the building. More like ' family'. Emphasis on ' manners'.

Something which made me chuckle one day : One of the pupils was taken home afterschool curled up in a pushchair ( sucking her thumb) ..she was ' Head Girl'. Ha ha ha ironic.

Those ethics are completely different to mine. I think it’s ethical to do the best you can for your children. I don’t think it ethical to intentionally do less than your best for your own children because other children won’t have the same. If you feed your children healthy food when some can’t access this or read them a bedtime story or take them on holiday or to sports clubs or help with homework or even just play with them and spend time with them you’re giving them an “advantage” because a lot of children don’t have these things and they are hugely beneficial. I don’t see how private education is any different except that it’s linked to financial resources rather than time etc. (That isn’t to say that private education will always be the better choice for a particular child or family - it’s a very individual decision and parents will use their resources in different ways but most parents will do so in the way which most benefits their own children).

And when I read to my child or choose a school for them or make any one of a thousand other decisions you make as a parent, I don’t do it on the basis that they might end up doing “better” than other children. I’m just thinking about what’s best for my child.

Given the choice of a graduate from a private education background or one from a state school/ WC background I’d hire the state school candidate EVERY time.
Because I know they have worked harder to get to university and graduate, and are likely to have more actual life and work experience.
And they’re more likely to get in well with a mix of backgrounds.
Skills like riding ponies and sailing aren’t much use in modern professions, nor do I want someone who has been handheld through every exam they’ve ever had.

How to tell you don't know any private DC without saying you don't know any.
With blind applications how would you know which DC had been to private school or state school? No-one who is interviewing has the time to look up the secondary school that every candidate goes to.
Lmao at "handheld through every exam"
Again sweeping generalisations and prejudice. Do you now just choose the best candidate for the job or do you actively discriminate?

So you’d hire a C of E, middle class white grammar school educated person from a leafy part of Kent over my privately educated bilingual non-Christian ethnic minority DC whose father was a refugee from a civil war (granted asylum in the UK) because the state school pupils have more life experience. 🤔

Aren’t generalisations fun and utterly useless.

They don't. If anything the opposite is true.

Also boarders whether a few nights or all term have avery different relationship with adults. I’m talking modern boarding schools only. They live with their teachers, with their teachers families. They socialise at night with other teachers and their families. The relationships are as much familial as they are teacher/ pupil. They also treat their fellow boarders as brothers and sisters creating lifelong kinship and support. Dm any of these close friendships are worldwide and different cultures act very differently at school which also goes into the melting pot, providing better communication skills.

I really don't care where someone went to school when I'm recruiting. I just want to know whether they're going to be any good at the job. I find that there is no real difference between candidates who went to state schools and those who went to private schools. It all just depends on the individual.

What nonsense. My daughter at an inner city London private school doesn’t know one end of a pony from the other. As for sailing? hard to come by in these parts. But growing up in London, her school and friendship group is a melting pot of kids from all cultures and backgrounds.

Whereas I on the other hand, went to a state comp, grew up in a very rural, coastal area. Didn’t know anyone who wasn’t white Welsh Christian growing up and can ride and sail with the best of them.

Because I know they have worked harder to get to university and graduate, and are likely to have more actual life and work experience

You sound like a prize fool to judge people so quickly.
What special powers do have that makes you so sure?
My best friend’s local state primary is flanked by white middle class residents in houses worth over £3m. Many have a SAHP and huge amounts of enrichment activities including horse riding

Slightly off in a tangent, you have no idea what horse riding teaches a child. It teaches

• life doesn't always turn out as planned. You can put all the time in but on the day things can go tits up

-failure is part of learning -if you fall if you get straight back up -you won't get anywhere without consistency and dedication -you have to learn to control your emotions. Horses pick up on everything^^ -you come second to the horse -responsibility -getting dirty and accepting pain and not being too precious -being thrown many many times against fences, on the ground and dealing with it maturely -dealing with fear. Facing it. Doing stuff that terrifies you. -whatever the weather you need to exercise your horse

In fact there are not many things that builds inner strength and character like horse riding.

Ahhhh but can she ski?

Just for balance, I’m privately educated, one of my dd’s goes horse riding and neither of us is more “well-rounded” than other people. I haven’t married a prince and I hope for dd’s sake she won’t either.

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