Calling somebody else dad

[LongTallSallyx]

Child of seperated parents, age 6. His parents have been separated since he was 4 but his dad is still in his life and has him every week.

The mum met somebody new when the boy was 5 and that man now lives with them, the mum is expecting a baby with the new partner.

Whilst at his dads house the little boy drew a picture of "his family" and drew his mums partner as dad, leaving his bio dad out of the picture. When asked about it, he confirmed that yes "Stuart" is his dad.

Bio dad wanted to have a conversation with the mum about it but mum doesn't see it as a problem as "Stuart" lives with them and has naturally fallen into the position of 'dad'

Is the man unreasonable to be upset?

Of course not being unreasonable
No one else but the dad should be called dad
But then I would have told my child 'no I'm your dad'

No thats shocking behaviour. She's know the man less than 2 years and he lives there with her young son.... but also this is very disrespectful to the bio dad and he needs a word with mum and Stuart!!!

No, that's awful, imagine if it was a mum.

It's important that a child understands who their actual parents are

Are you that parent????????

Which parent?

either

Bio dad hasn't even met Stuart properly at this stage. He's not around during handover which mostly happens at the door. He's either at work or opting to stay out of the way. I think that makes it all the more difficult to swallow because to him, Stuart, is a complete stranger.

The bio dad is my brother, by the way.

No definitely not. The boy in the story is my nephew.

Not unreasonable to be upset but for me it’s down the child what they want to call people in their lives. Perhaps he could have a Dad and a Daddy or DadStuart and DadBob.

I have a niece who calls her mums new partner dad, it’s a bit annoying when she talks about dad and we know it’s not her bio dad that she is talking about.

This is so awful

At 6 years old, it's likely his mum is encouraging him to do it, not the child's decision.

Why? Is it not best to put the child first and make sure they feel comfortable in the situation.

Of course not being unreasonable. The poor dad must be gutted - anyone with a basic sense of decency would immediately say 'yes, I'll have a conversation with DS and you should too'.

It's fine - sometimes even beneficial - if a child feel s/he has a parental relationship with adults who have relatively newly stepped into that parental role. But that doesn't mean it's ok for the dad who has been there since the start, who is still playing a parental role, to be ignored. Some of the responsibility for helping the child work out it's ok to say 'this is my dad ... and this is my step-dad and my mum' has to rest with the mum here.

The only time I think this can be ok is if bio parent is completely absent or has died, and after a long time.
Eg DHs bio dad has never met him he was physically abusive to MIL (she had to flee to refuge pregnant) and never wanted anything to do with DH. When DH was two MIL met FIL (DHs step dad) , he remembers clearly calling him by his name, and when he was about 8/9 asked if he could call FIL dad, by this point they were married and all lived together. To this day he calls him dad and I refer to him at my FIL there is no step about it, he had absolutely been a dad to DH in every way. He's a lovely man.

This isn't the case here those isn't even step dad this is mum's boyfriend and dad is very much in the picture.

In his shoes I'd be devastated

In my experience adults who make this argument are usually pretty good at signalling to children what they are supposed to "want".

This is emotionally abusive and confusing for the child. He's not his dad.

It's understandable the bio dad is upset.
However, I'd advise him to not make a big deal of it, as the boy is so young and probably just trying to make sense of the situation.

He needs to just keep on being a good dad, and his son will grow up knowing he is loved.

Being a parent is a thankless task.

Moving a man in and getting pregnant within the space of a year is not "putting the child first".

My child calls their step mum 'mum' also 6 years old. Burnt like hell at first, I hate the phrase 'tummy mummy' even more which is The explanation dad and step mum have given the child as to who I am. I have majority contact. Now, it doesn't really bother me. It doesn't affect my position in my child's life or our relationship.

This is what my DB thinks. He thinks that's precisely the reason his ex has shut down the conversation and doesn't want to discuss it 😔

I can understand dad being upset. He is the dad, not Stewart. I think mum is being very stupid and irresponsible. She hasn't know Stewart for 5 minutes and she's moved him in, is pregnant and letting her son call him dad. There's not a huge amount dad can do about it. How often is he seeing his boy? He needs to up his contact and make sure he is present and a stabilising factor in the child's life.

I honestly think it's bollocks to imagine this has anything to do with putting a child first or making them feel comfortable.

Well I disagree with other people being called mum or dad.
Possibly a bit more understandable if there's no contact at all.
Not calling the step person mum or dad doesn't mean they can't have a close relationship for god sake

And while I wouldn't make a big deal of it or would try not, if I heard my child saying that I'd say 'no I'm your mum not her'. Because it's right. That's a fact.