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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Security guard following me

106 replies

ColourMeBlue · 28/02/2024 08:33

I am probably overthinking this, but here goes-i have shopped at my local supermarket for 20 years.Everytime there is a new security guard,I get followed.Without fail .Yesterday there was a new security guard.As soon as I walked in,she walked passed me and brushed into my arm.I imagine this was for me to make sure she had clocked me.When I paid she walked down to the till and stood at the end of the till glaring,and I mean GLARING at me.It was enough to put me off what I was doing.I know everyone will say if you are not shoplifting you have nothing to worry about,but that doesn't warrant me being followed every single time.What would others do?say something?leave it go?email a complaint?I'm so annoyed and a little upset today.She really was intimating.

OP posts:
Ali1262 · 28/02/2024 13:11

I must have that look as well. My brother's passing out parade I had a tiny bag that barely held my phone, purse and fags I smoked at the time i got my bag searched while my mother sailed through with a bag big enough to hold 3 bombs 😂as well as getting drug wiped at an airport but i also find i get watched and followed in Aldi

ColourMeBlue · 28/02/2024 13:19

HoppingPavlova · 28/02/2024 12:23

Do you look like a famous shoplifter?

Wynona Ryder🤣

This took me longer to get than I care to admit 😂😂

OP posts:
ColourMeBlue · 28/02/2024 13:24

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 28/02/2024 09:53

I can't help but think it's not just you but everyone else at the moment, OP. But when eyes are on us, it feels like we're being singled out. I'm not sure we are being singled out.
I'm the most mundane looking person imaginable (if you're going to judge a book and all that). I look like Olive Oyl. I walk into my Sainsbury's local and the security guard follows me and really watches me (and probably others). I was buying a bottle of prosecco for a friend's birthday and I was really struggling trying to decide what to get. I don't really drink much and I don't know my wines too well. The more I lingered by the wines, the more invasive the security guard became. It was really uncomfortable, but I'm 52 and no longer have any fucks to give with regards to the stupidity/insanity of every day life.

It is annoying, being followed. But, that said, shop lifting is off the charts. One of the guys at my local co-op was telling me a couple of days ago that shop lifting has increased tenfold and shop keepers are too scared to stop thieves because of fear of a concealed weapon. It calms down if there's a security guard on duty but not by much. Shoplifters don't even care if there is a security guard because they can't really do a whole lot either. So I think security guards just try and look as intimidating as they can...
to middle aged mums like me with my stupid coke bottle glasses, wearing a hi vis bike helmet and matching vest over my Seasalt coat. 🙄

This did make me smile.i have a sensible haircut,wear glasses,plain(possibly drab)clothing and I'm watched like a hawk.The men are never followed.Always the women.

OP posts:
OooohAhhhh · 28/02/2024 13:37

Our local Aldi has a security guard, and I'm
not surprised, I go all the time and quite a few times now they have held someone for stealing until the Police arrive.
This security guard constantly walks up & down the aisles.

madeinmanc · 28/02/2024 13:40

Efemail · 28/02/2024 11:26

I'm followed because of my colour. I wish I could switch off being brown but oh well. Your fighting a losing battle the security guards who often don't have two brain cells to run together are told who to look out for and who to follow. I'm often with my very small children do they think I have time to shoplift

I'm followed because I wear a headscarf. No-one believes me so I don't discuss it with anyone anymore. Every time I would mention it to someone I know, their first reaction was disbelief, people just don't want to accept the truth. So now I just keep it to myself. By the way, don't ever challenge them on it, I did and it made things worse.

Unfortunately once you've noticed you're being followed, you start watching to see if you're still being followed and that in of itself looks suspicious.

OP, you may have been misidentified as a shoplifter and they may have your photo in their office as someone to follow. It sounds like it.

Frogetmenot · 28/02/2024 13:49

Shop lifting has gone a bit crazy lately, try not to take it personally. Are you familiar with the staff in there? You could try mentioning it to one of them. Where I work we would hate for our regulars to be put off

fliptopbin · 28/02/2024 13:58

I was being followed very agressively in a shop and I happened to know someone else who worked there. I mentioned it casually to her, and it turned out that there was a known shoplifter who looked a bit like me (if you squinted at the picture and ignored the fact that she was described as 5ft 2 and early 30s, whereas I am 5ft 9 and 50).
I think she must have said something, because next time I went in, he smiled at me. (It's a small place)

LaCouleurDeMonCiel · 28/02/2024 14:01

FictionalCharacter · 28/02/2024 12:14

Yep. Without doubt.

I had the opposite!
I was coming out of a store when the alarm went on, I stopped and so did a man who was coming out at the same time as me. The guard waved at me to go but went to talk to the man.
At home I noticed a security tag was still attached to something I had just bought…

MILTOBE · 28/02/2024 14:03

ColourMeBlue · 28/02/2024 09:29

I'm actually really interested in these replys.I notice there's a new security guard each time as they are standing at the entrance and start to follow me as soon as i walk in.I don't smell of cannabis or alcohol as i don't smoke or drink.Im not a known shop lifter,as I don't shop lift.,it's the walking into me and glaring as I'm paying that is frustrating.

I think they must have a photo of you on their files, OP - or a photo of someone who looks like you.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/02/2024 14:04

I wonder whether you look very much like someone who they do know has stolen things?

I think I’d certainly ask her!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 28/02/2024 14:04

NotQuiteNorma · 28/02/2024 09:12

Blimey, already the implications OPs children have been stealing 😂

And that she has 'mannerisms' that make her look suspicious. As opposed to it being a security guard in a grump and/or on a bit of a power trip.

madeinmanc · 28/02/2024 14:09

I just remembered OP, when I had a thread on this I was advised to never use self-checkout and to always get a paper receipt, so I've done that ever since. I feel an idiot standing in line to pay for milk and a croissant but 🤷‍♀️

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/02/2024 14:29

brogueish · 28/02/2024 12:51

@Puzzledandpissedoff You've just reminded me that driving back from Europe last year, we got stopped three times at the border on the return to the UK, it was ridiculous. I am a greying, completely boring late 40s woman so hardly eye catching! My husband was sat in the back playing games with our son, maybe the fact I appeared to be on my own looked unusual too.

Probably a tip-off they'd had, brogueish, though not about you personally

I remember something similar happening to my ex, when he was pulled aside several times for a search at Heathrow
In fairness so were several others, and probably it was no coincidence they were all the same kind of height, age, build, and even facially similar

Cas112 · 28/02/2024 14:40

The security guard in our local tesco express does this with EVERYONE to the point its a running joke with most of the town

Its annoying but feel like I cant really complain when its happening to most people that go in 😂

bahhamburgers · 28/02/2024 14:46

I’ve been followed by security many, many times.

I look like I’ve just been dug up half the time though and I can look quite scruffy. plus I have shit eyesight, so I am often confused and trying to find the right bit of the shop, going back to places multiple times, because I get stressed that I can’t see properly so I forget things.

So I get why I look like I am up to no good when I am just trying to find the free from section that keeps moving.

I have called them out a few times and said, “seeing as you are following me anyway, can you please help me?”

IncompleteSenten · 28/02/2024 14:55

Seriously, anyone this happens to, please fulfil a housebound (🎻🎻) woman's fantasy and ask them to carry your stuff since they're following you anyway and come back and tell me if they do..

IncompleteSenten · 28/02/2024 14:56

bahhamburgers · 28/02/2024 14:46

I’ve been followed by security many, many times.

I look like I’ve just been dug up half the time though and I can look quite scruffy. plus I have shit eyesight, so I am often confused and trying to find the right bit of the shop, going back to places multiple times, because I get stressed that I can’t see properly so I forget things.

So I get why I look like I am up to no good when I am just trying to find the free from section that keeps moving.

I have called them out a few times and said, “seeing as you are following me anyway, can you please help me?”

Edited

I missed your post! I mentioned that up thread as something I thought would be funny to do.

What happened?

bahhamburgers · 28/02/2024 15:00

IncompleteSenten · 28/02/2024 14:56

I missed your post! I mentioned that up thread as something I thought would be funny to do.

What happened?

They have always helped! I’ve done it a few times when I was particularly frazzled. Explained I can’t see well (genetic defect, glasses wouldn’t help), and that I am struggling to read the signs and in a hurry to get what I need.

They have always said yes of course and helped me in the right direction.

Seriously though, if I’ve not slept and just run to tesco, I do look like one of those meth “after” photos, so I really don’t blame them.

GrumpyPanda · 28/02/2024 15:01

RosieCosy · 28/02/2024 11:59

So someone stands so close to you that you can "feel the breath on your neck", why on earth aren't you turning round and speaking to them. If someone was stood that close while I was paying, I'd be worried they were trying to look at my pin to be honest.

If they're THAT close then better just to take a rapid step straight back into them without turning and either step hard on their foot or have an elbow out towards your back to meet their solar plexus. THEN turn around all surprised.

starfishmummy · 28/02/2024 16:25

😂I would just entertain myself and start having fun with the security but I obviously have too much time on my hands

Lol, "As you're following me round, make yourself useful and carry the basket please"

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/02/2024 16:44

At my Saturday job years ago we were told to look out for a particular jacket because the person wearing it was known to us. I wonder if you've got the same clothing as someone who has stolen?

Or they could just be dicks who get off on intimidating women.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/02/2024 16:49

I used to get this. I shop in Waitrose but I don't dress like a typical Waitrose customer 😆 When I moved to our town, they had security guards (they haven't now for years though), and having just had a baby, I'd often just be wearing trackie bottoms and a polo top or something very very casual. He would literally follow me around, and this was almost everyday, as it was a short walk away so I'd go there everyday for a few bits instead of doing large weekly shops. I was glad when they stopped having guards.

I'm on first name terms with a lot of the staff in there now as I've lived here for years now, so if they ever brought in guards again and they were like this, I'd tell them about it.

MushMonster · 28/02/2024 16:57

Well, I had years back the most stupid security following around Aldi.
We just moved into a new town. First shopping trip to this shop. I am there with my 6 year old, in school uniform.
I am shopping, and I keep seeing this guy around. At the beginning I thought he was a customer, just following the same route as me. By the end of the shop, I was rather paranoid about this guy following us.
Went to the tills and this guy eventually appeared there. So, only then I noticed he was security.
I had never ever seen security of this type in a supermarket.
Ok, no problem.
Next time we shopped, same.
He eventually started talking to me every time I shopped there. And he looked really scary.
I stopped flipping going there, till this guy was replaced.
OP, if they are intimidating you by staring, and you are not doing anything wrong, just change shop. If they do not want the custom, they will not have it. Also, put a complaint in.
Maybe they are given some stupid briefing about what they should do? But it is ridiculous!
It never ever happens to me when I am with my DH, fancy that?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 28/02/2024 16:58

ColourMeBlue · 28/02/2024 09:35

Imagine having one standing behind you so close you can feel their breath at the back of your neck.I could be picking something off the shelf,and there's a security guard on the other side peering though watching you.When I pay,the cashier looks over the counter at me,and says over her mic 'I can't see anything'.As in,checking me over.As I have said,20 years I have shopped there.im pretty sure they know by now,I don't shoplift.

Start handing them stuff to carry for you? I mean they might as well be helpful as they follow you.

feedbackhq · 28/02/2024 17:41

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