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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate living alone and wfh

84 replies

BedRot · 27/02/2024 17:06

I’m just venting. I wfh full time and live alone. I left my office job due to bullying during the pandemic and switched to one that is full time remote. I thought it would be fine as I used to have lots of interaction with colleagues and clients. This one has been a real miss sell and I am basically on my own 95% of the time. It’s like being self employed but with less freedom. I know I need to pull myself together and find something new. It’s just hard to find the confidence following the bullying and my motivation is so low when I am by myself all the time. Does anyone else live alone and wfh? Sometimes I feel like I am going mad in my little bubble, it’s like the pandemics never ended.

OP posts:
Peterdinkle · 28/02/2024 23:49

Some really patronising posts. No logging off to go the gym or sit in a cafe on your own us not the fucking same as a work environment where you use social skills, have incidental chats and you know meet other humans. We don’t want to sit in a room all day and keep logging off, we want to work with other people, get out and about in the workplace, and get back home with a real work/home divide. If it works for you then great but those posts just don’t help.

MurielThrockmorton · 29/02/2024 07:09

That seems unnecessarily harsh Peterdinkle - I go to a café where I'm now a regular and I know the staff and I've got to know a lot of customers and have lots of chats. Similarly, people chat at my gym classes, often it's because I start the conversation. I completely understand it doesn't work for everybody and it's not the same as ongoing social connection where you feel tied into something with a sense of purpose, I still feel the lack of that too, but if you haven't got that and and can't immediately get it, some of these smaller things work at least a little bit for some of us.

BedRot · 29/02/2024 07:42

I agree with the gym/cafe/walk ideas as a short term help, but this thread has helped me to see that I am not the issue here and I am now decided about finding a new role that is back in an office at least most of the time.

I also think that what you do must make a difference here. A pp said that they walk their dog three times a day and whilst that sounds lovely, my working day is too intense to reliably allow for that. For the same reason I can’t reliably from a cafe because it tends to be filled with disruptions and I can’t think clearly enough.

I genuinely appreciate all the advice here though. It’s made me feel a lot saner.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 29/02/2024 07:46

I came on to say you should look for a new role. I work 1 day from home and 3 in the office. That's a perfect balance for me and I really enjoy the time in. I could never wfh full time. I hated it during Covid - it doesn't suit me at all.

NotFastButFurious · 29/02/2024 08:41

I agree @BedRot there's no way I could work in a cafe. In fact, I always wonder what people do for a job who work in them! I need a full desk set up with monitor and keyboard, there's no way I could work off just my laptop. Everything is online too so I need reliable wifi and we can't always get onto public networks because of security constraints.
Even going in the office I find it quite lonely some days as we've gone to a hot desking policy since lockdown and it's a lottery who you end up sitting next to and how much interaction you get from them. I've no idea why but anyone under the age of 30 in our office seems unable to function without headphones clamped to their head or stuck in their ears! I preferred it when we sat with our team or peers and at least you got to know the people around you.

ThisHonestQuail · 29/02/2024 10:46

No I couldn’t work from a cafe or Co-working space either because I’m working with private client information and often on long calls where I could be discussing their affairs.

I once went 4 weeks without having more than generic small talk with anyone, it was so so awful. That was with me going into the office (nobody else there!) and being out and about in the shops etc.

MichaelAndEagle · 29/02/2024 10:55

Anyone looking for a more traditional office environment, I can recommend estates or facilities management departments of big public sector or large educational establishments.
A lot of the teams are on the ground maintenance staff and all of their management and help desk type staff are office based.
So even if your role wouldn't necessarily mean you had to be in the office, you'd find a lot of people are office based most of the time.
E.g. NHS, local authority, University estates and facilities management.
Just in case it is useful for anyone who wants to find a more busy office environment.

optionalnamechange · 29/02/2024 11:30

Peterdinkle · 28/02/2024 23:49

Some really patronising posts. No logging off to go the gym or sit in a cafe on your own us not the fucking same as a work environment where you use social skills, have incidental chats and you know meet other humans. We don’t want to sit in a room all day and keep logging off, we want to work with other people, get out and about in the workplace, and get back home with a real work/home divide. If it works for you then great but those posts just don’t help.

No, it's not the same. However, some of us are stuck with it.

I've been away from the office myself for 4 years, for me there is no other alternative than to try & make the best of the situation I've got,
If that means I go to a gym class and chat to real humans there, then so-be-it.

I'm sorry you find that advice patronising, but I thought if it helps me it could also help OP until she finds another job.,

Better than not offering anything at all and certainly better than whinging.

AmaryllisChorus · 29/02/2024 12:07

OP, it is good to hear you have made the decision to look for a more sociable job. But I would also spend as much energy on ensuring you have proper social interaction every day.

Could you give yourself the equivalent of two commute times - use one to go for a walk, pick up a coffee or join a pre-work hours gym class - live and local to you. Every evening sign off work with a definitive action - again maybe go for a walk with a friend, or get your workout clothes and go to a class or for a swim or to the gym. A few times a week, make sure you have evenings or weekend plans where you chat with people - a book club, a supper club, WI, church group, am dram, choir, a ramblers club, creative writing or craft group, community gardening, political campaigning, friends over for lunch etc. I'd choose at least two or three of those to ensure enough socialising to counteract the isolation of living and working alone.

I don;t agree with PP that this advice is patronising - I've wfh for decades, all alone and it keeps me sane. In the absence of colleagues we need other opportunities for what a therapist told me was 'accidental learning'. E.g. you go for a walk, bump into a neighbour, they mention wanting a cat, you tell them your neighbour's cat just had kittens. They remember you like a certain band and ask if you'd seen they are playing locally. This sort of exchange is so necessary and if you don't have office space, it needs to happen in cafes, on walks, at the gym. I know from experience, I have to make it happen.

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