to ask how on earth you stop picking the skin around your nails?!

[ElleBelleLou]

Hello mumsnet

Sorry to post in AIBU but I need the traffic - how on earth do I stop picking the skin around my nails red raw?!

I don't even know I'm doing it it's that much of a habit, I think it's an anxiety thing but my fingers are looking just awful. I'm trying hard to grow my nails and sort my hands out - my DP is proposing this year or next and I am so embarrassed at the state of my hands and getting worked up about showing off the ring with the state of my hands!

They're not at their worst at the minute, I'm trying to keep on top of hand cream, I've tried fidget rings, I stop myself or try keep my hands busy when I notice I am doing it but does anyone else have some tried or tested ways to stop picking at my bloody fingers!!

No, if you find a solution send it my way. My fingers are like yours. My thumb nails grow through with big horizontal grooves which I think is from damaging the nail bed with all the picking (although am prepared to be corrected on that. It was a diagnosis from Dr Google). Weirdly enough, my 4th fingers don't get picked. Not sure why..

im the same but i use cuticle oil to keep them from drying out and cracking which is when i start to pick

@Thecaravan I'm doing my own head in with it! I see women with beautiful long nails and think they're so feminine, and I want that so bad for myself - but my nails are so weak and my fingers so sore it feels impossible to stop!

@chipsandpeas I did actually invest in a cuticle oil on my lunch break just today funnily enough! Also the Cerave advanced repair ointment which I'm liking so far (in my 2 hours of using it haha) - if nothing else I can't get a grip on the sides of my nails to pick which is hopefully a good start, I just need to remember to keep up with it

I do the same, I do better at not picking if I keep up with handcream and cuticle oil, if it’s dry I will pick at it

I found that having false nails helped as I couldn’t physically grab the skin to pull. As soon as the nails came off I started again. It’s so sore and I hate myself for doing it but I just can’t seem to stop. As soon as I feel a rough or loose bit of skin is has to be pulled

Go and speak to a good therapist about your underlying anxiety.

Take a picture and put it where it will remind you of the damage and how bad they can look. The screensaver on your phone should do it! Also google nail infections and that might do the trick too, so a form of aversion therapy.

The watching with interest

I'm exactly the same, and I even pulled bits of skin way too far and end up with bleeding fingers. I just can't help it every little rough bit or snag of skin needs to be picked.
My hands are disgusting 😌
The only times I've managed to get them looking good is if I have a manicure, then I seem to be a bit more conscious of making them look nice.
I also find any time I need to cut lemons or put my hands in hot water they really really sting because of the raw skin.
I've had this issue for nearly 30 years now, it's definitely triggered by anxiety for me

@UsernamePain I did try stick on nails for a while which was a great help but I want to get my natural nails strong so want to avoid any kind of fake nails again annoyingly!

@circlesand I'm actually already in therapy and medicated for my OCD and anxiety but haven't found a difference with the skin picking unfortunately!

@YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME That's a good idea - my phone background might get an upgrade this evening haha

I have the answer ! Buy the below fidget spinner from Amazon.

I have about 5 of these and don’t pick my fingers anymore. Will get a link

@theyoungishman that's exactly how I feel! I get in the bath and wince because my fingers are so sore, or sometimes they are literally throbbing when I'm trying to sleep at night. I wish I could just click my fingers and bloody stop!

@ElleBelleLou That's great - do you talk about this in therapy specifically and have you said you want to focus on resolving it?

Here ! Def worth it

https://www.amazon.com/Zhanmai-Sensory-Handheld-Decompression-Anxiety/dp/B098JLDH2B/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=66QC82QBTC70&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.JQD5bynqRkg3WxzoBG_7b-HxsQgILNRMFoq6Yyx9eK8imOrz3m7pTTKMh1A0pWjVHj_dwWvKE4qTdEmkdujqBChX-AX9n9gxfzg_5Xo0SN_YAnZGAaQXfvtEzAS290HPPfHZcgrrfmBYWURbWvs5TiFCIbVkChUwyaIHnsSWp52XOsgBuPgoDpMyGJdc1xlJlpgFeFGYF_vmQVKoxyFYfg.MMTa0I5aW-Le3HDbKP208WNJYVgONHMx0EGm7cVQrmc&dib_tag=se&keywords=fidget+toys+metal+rings&qid=1708960125&sprefix=fidget+toys+metal%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-4

I found my people! Following for solutions. I personally didn’t like putting creams and oils as I realised I touch my hair often and they made it super greasy.

ADHD medication and one year with gel nail varnish every fortnight

Remedial hypnosis; it started in this exact same scenario. Tim Box, who was already a successful hypnotherapist, was talking to a friend of his and she had the same problem as you - bitten nails and surrounding skin and an upcoming wedding. He tried out his theory that a person didn't need to go into a trance to have their behaviour changed so he simply talked directly to her subconscious mind and asked it (nicely) to stop the biting. A couple of months later he was at the wedding and she showed him her perfect fingertips!

You need to identify times when you do the picking and be prepared and vigilant at those times.

If it's when you're sitting watching TV, I'd recommend wearing gloves - if you can find cotton gloves, they would be great. Bonus points for slathering moisturiser over your hands before putting on the gloves.

If it's when you're feeling nervous at other times, try to visualize nice-looking fingers the instant you become aware you're doing it. Maybe create a Pinterest board of manicures so you can physically start looking at it - for instance, on the bus.

It always helps to stop and realise that you're feeling anxiety, and picking at your skin is a way for you to address the anxiety that isn't making you happy. Try some mindful breathing instead while clasping your hands together. You could find some helpful mantra to repeat in your head.

If you identify a specific finger or place or time you pick, and it's not a place or time when you can wear gloves or stop and clasp your hands, maybe wear a plaster at that point. Meetings, phone calls you're not looking forward to, social situations where you feel nervous, times when you're dealing with a difficult person...

It's going to take a conscious effort. You could set up a rewards jar for yourself or take a daily photo of your hands to remind yourself of your progress.

Gloves and a herbal salve - marigold and lavender. I tend to pick at night as falling asleep. Suspect ADHD and deffo GAD/anxiety related.

Dogs chew their paws when they are anxious, I am basically the same.

Booo hooooo does no one like my fidget toy idea.

Vaseline at bedtime stops all hang nails and dry skin etc and keeps nails strong but supple. Use after your usual hand cream.

I like Clarins hand and nail cream.

Saw this and thought of you -

Does anyone else pick the skin under the actual tip of the nail rather than around the sides? It's so annoying as the sharp bits catch on everything I touch with my fingertips so then I'm even more aware the sharp bits are there so then I have to pick them some more! Off to read the other replies now in the hope there's something that might work for me too, good luck OP 🤞

When I find that I really can't fight the compulsion (which is often) I put these gloves on. The fabric on the index finger pulls down so you can still use your phone etc.

Antcher Women UV Sun Protection Gloves Ice Silk Sunblock Fingerless Gloves Full Finger Touchscreen Non Slip Gloves Hiking Cycling Gloves for Golf Driving Fishing https://amzn.eu/d/eRNzsBV

I'm the same

For me, this was a sign of anaemia.