to ask how on earth you stop picking the skin around your nails?!

[ElleBelleLou]

Hello mumsnet

Sorry to post in AIBU but I need the traffic - how on earth do I stop picking the skin around my nails red raw?!

I don't even know I'm doing it it's that much of a habit, I think it's an anxiety thing but my fingers are looking just awful. I'm trying hard to grow my nails and sort my hands out - my DP is proposing this year or next and I am so embarrassed at the state of my hands and getting worked up about showing off the ring with the state of my hands!

They're not at their worst at the minute, I'm trying to keep on top of hand cream, I've tried fidget rings, I stop myself or try keep my hands busy when I notice I am doing it but does anyone else have some tried or tested ways to stop picking at my bloody fingers!!

I'll add in a nail file, if I find dry / hard skin (and I catch myself before I've picked at it) then using a nail file to gently file the dry skin so there are no rough edges to pick at followed by an intensive moisturiser does help

(Am currently trying to heal mine up again after I picked at them last week so the file and the moisturiser has been out several times today)

I find I have to consciously do something else with my hands if I start picking

I have done exactly this, instead of picking, applying cream. Switch one habit with a better one. It does work. Right now I only have a sore bit on a thumb and one little finger which is really good for me. I suspect it is a genetic predisposition and I have OCD traits, but I also think environmental stress plays a part too. I certainly have cycles where it is better or worse - same with picking skin on soles of feet - ugh. Have, I think broken that now but did have it for a few years. Again moisturising and eliminating any rough patches really did help.

Get a manicure. They trim off what they can. Then rub cuticle oil onto your nails three times a day.

I always pick at my skin around my nails. But I only pick upwards. I rarely make them bleed. Any really large bits I bite off. You have to force yourself to be more mindful. Its tricky

Just joining in to say I do this too. I also pick the nails themselves.

Thanks for that. The OP did say I think it's an anxiety thing

Nail and skin biter for 55 years.. consciously perhaps longer as probably started as a baby... 7 years ago I went to the nail salon with my then teen girls and have gel nails... does it wreck my nails underneath ? I don't know and don't care whatever was there before was HIDEOUS... I NOW LOVE my nails.

I've done this ever since I can remember and I'm mid thirties now. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop.

https://calmcollectiveco.com/products/spinning-moon-and-star-adjustable-anxiety-ring?_pos=1&_sid=4d6d7f19b&_ss=r
https://calmcollectiveco.com/products/4-bead-adjustable-anxiety-ring-316l

I found these 2 to be amazing. I needed that "flicking" motion, I found it mirrored what my fingers needed to do more closely than others. They also didn't tarnish or turn my fingers green, which is what others had done.

@ImEvilStopLaughing those look amazing ! Thanks for that.

I sorted my nails out years ago as a student, by using clear nail polish on them regularly - I need to keep my nails short and uncoloured for work and hobbies. But cuticles etc are still dreadful.

I've realised the last few years since having both a smart phone and a touch screen laptop, I postpone putting cream on my hands as much as they need it because I don't want to grease up the screens ... not helping!! Definitely I need to actually use some of the creams I have all around, as often as I can.

Ironically I found some cuticle oil only the other day, that I got myself to try some years back - will try to remember to use it regularly for the next week and check back in here! I'll also have a look in my daughter's room to see if there are any fidget spinners I can borrow since she's away at university ...

Oh, I meant to say, I've also come across the suggestion that this sort of thing is common alongside AD(H)D - something I've been considering getting assessed for too.

Pop a bit of Blistex on your fingers at bedtime- really helps them to heal quickly and without the dry flappy bits you might feel less compelled to keep picking

@ElleBelleLou I do this if I don’t have long acrylic nails.

Acrylic nails aren’t sharp enough to actually be able to pick skin so the urge/habit dies off.

Used to have a lot of problems with ragged cuticles - eventually realised it was the way the manicurist hacked at my nails with clippers.
Getting a better manicurist helped - then found these, and now only get my nails filed & polished, no cuticle work.
Brushworks Cuticle Crystal Sticks - 8 Pack : Amazon.co.uk: Home & Kitchen

£3 for a pack that probably last a year - they let you gently file any skin/cuticle that's causing a problem, I tend to use them after a bath when the skin is soft, and I'm rubbish at using cuticle oil, but any oil will help - often use that in the bath as well.

I bite / pick the skin on my fingers and when I make the effort to stop I find myself then biting the dry skin on my lips.

I don’t like how it looks but I do find it satisfying when I’m doing it so I can’t stop! My Mum does it, so do my siblings & now one of my DC. I try to discourage them but obviously am not a good role model.

And yes gel names stop you doing it!

I started biting my nails aged 4 - the day I started school, according to my mum. I stopped biting them in my mid 50s by telling myself loudly that I 'don't do this any more'. But then I replaced that habit with pulling the skin around my nails. My fingers are sore at the moment so I'm going to rub in some Gardeners cream by Crabtree and Evelyn (no link to them). This helps, but I keep forgetting to use it...

I used to do this and bite my nails too. So much so, that the skin on my thumbs was a completely different colour. I started having builder gel done and it made my nails sort of blunt and ineffective at picking which has meant they've healed finally!

I wish I had an answer. Mine definitely gets worse when I'm anxious generally, and is mostly likely to be bad in the week before my period, when I feel most anxious generally.

My mum and aunt both do it really badly so I wonder if I either inherited it or learned it via osmosis!

Things that have helped if not cured:

I use cuticle trimmers to remove any tempting rough edges
I carry a luxurious hand cream I love applying (Aesop) and find that applying it both limits tempting rough bits and often acts as a good substitute for the picking
I find other things to fiddle with. Bits of paper etc. I'm tempted to get some worry beads! Clue in the name and all that
Cuticle oil at night
Always make sure my nails are done beautifully so I feel more inclined not to "ruin" my fingers

When you say pick does it involve biting too?

My 4 year old DD does this. It started with nail biting and now that she has no nails left to bite she bites and picks at the skin. They are so sore, it's so distressing to see her poor little fingers.

I've applied some of that solution that tastes horrible to prevent biting, hoping that will help. Maybe it could help you too if biting is part of the issue?

I was literally doing it as I read your thread title! I do it til they bleed as well and my DD also does it. I don’t really know I’m doing it but it’s a comfort for some reason. My DH hates it and tells me off regularly.

I don’t suppose I will stop now, I’m 52! I will try those rings in hope.

I did this, for years plus nail biting to the point I'd peeled some of my nails back. Honestly if you saw the before and after pictures of my nails you'd be shocked.
What I did:
Self referred for CBT and after a long wait for it this helped.
Read skin picking blogs and books.
Had gel nails once I'd got to that point and still do as the thick edges stop me picking.
Put Vaseline on if I ever felt triggered to pick, I hate the greasy feeling tho.
Put cuticle oil or thick cream (like Vaseline dry hands rescue) each night and rub in to replace the picking.
I bought craft tools like clay etc to keep my hand busy.
It's a work in progress and takes some persistence to deal with skin picking, I'd bitten my nails since a young child and the neural pathways to self soothe in my brain with skin and nail licking were well entrenched when I decided at 35 that enough was enough.

Omg I do this too!! I pick my thumbs into oblivion leaving the big horizontal lines 😭😭😭 I push down on the pretty much open skin at the bottom of the nail bed and it’s so satisfying. I’ve never known anyone else to do this I’ve did it since I was a kid and now I’m 36.

I think the only way to stop me picking the skin around my fingers would be to chop my fingers off.

I just can't bear loose bits of skin flapping about catching on things, so they have to come off.

I started nibbling the skin round my nails as a way to stop biting them.
I was a nail biter from a young age, most likely due to anxiety. My mother decided that the best way to stop me was to pretend to bite her own nails. Funnily enough, it didn't work.
I didn't like how other nail biters fingers ended up. Hence the switch.
I still bite my nails, but only instead of using nail clippers etc. Then use an emery board to get rid of jagged edges.
I'm in my 50's and have come to the conclusion that nothing us going to help.