To say that the next generation is primarily screwed in terms of resilience

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And WTF do we do about it?

Obviously many young people are wonderfully resilient but the overall trend I’ve seen in my line of work (behavioural education) is that there are vast, and I mean VAST numbers of young adults who cannot leave the house, come into a classroom, look someone in the eye, make a phone call, speak infront of the class (if they make it in), cry when pronouns are wrong (daily occurrence), take responsibility to revise/get a job/learn to drive.

What is going to happen to these humans in the future?

You’re missing the point. I’m not blaming the young people. This is something that you and I and everyone else on here has contributed to - this is a societal problem - I’m asking what’s happened and what we can do about it.

on a day to day level I can assure you I am very supportive of those whose education I manage.

Exactly same with my two kids. One outgoing and desperate to "do" everything. The other has been out of school two years, can't go to shop, get on bus, speak to strangers etc. He is autistic though and no amount of CAMHS/CBT/kick up the arse parenting will change him (we've tried all of this.) I'm very worried about his future.

@shearwater2 it is many years since institutions were the answer. By the mid eighties the last had been closed down. They have all been turned in to luxury flats where I live.

I worked in a school through covid.

It does not surprise me in the least that there has been a major impact on mental health from it.

I know teenage MH wasn't great before, but covid just amplified it.

At one point in my school, if a kid got covid anyone who had sat within 2 metres of them in any lesson had to be sent home immediately for two weeks isolation.

There were set seating plans and you were not allowed to change them.

I remember at one point a deputy head turning up to my maths lesson with my year 9 class and reading out a long list of names and saying they had to get their stuff, leave the classroom immediately and go and sit in the hall 2metres apart from each other until their parents collected them.

In the silence after they had left one of the ten or so kids who were left asked my if they were all going to die.

That kind of environment and fear leaves a mark.

Aside from covid and lockdown related issues, a lot of young people don't know how to deal with even very minor conflicts because their parents have always jumped in and sorted everything out for them. You see it on here all the time, helicopter parents getting involved in minor disputes, or when their child isn't invited to something, instead of letting their child learn from it . Anything the parents can't fix, the internet will figure out for them. This generation have grown up with the world at their fingertips, instant assistance and instant gratification, they can find it difficult to cope with the real world because it's no longer the real world to them. So much of their time is spent on social media where they can be anything they want to be, smart, beautiful, interesting, no wonder they are anxious, how can they possibly measure up outside.

I'm going to throw in the internet, phones etc as one factor. It's the root of so much misery. Our brains are not supposed to look and scroll for hours every day. We aren't supposed to live in a virtual world. They no longer know what it's like to not access any information any time or contact someone any time with a reply in minutes or hours at the most. This life is too fast. Expectations of the virtual world are too high. You get restless or 'anxious'.

On days I make a conscious effort to stay away from the phone but be present in the here and now, maybe read a book instead, I feel so much calmer. When you feel calmer things also feel more manageable. It's not the only reason but it's a contributing factor.

I think so. I had severe problems at uni but hid them very well from everyone as I didn't really understand what was going on. For example I was incredibly anxious but no-one talked about anxiety back then so I wouldn't have even known how to verbalise this. I only knew that I didn't feel right in my body.
I think it's great that people can feel comfortable to talk about these things now but there is a line between "normal" worries/sadness and clinical mental health issues. I feel it's got to the point now that those with real mental health issues are being dismissed by people saying "oh everyone seems to have something these days" which is unfair.

Teenagers don't exist in a vacuum though - this is a wider issue not just 'weak' teens.

I work in education with care experienced young people - there is a whole lot lacking to support them - schools have no money for EP's, support staff, even TA's, EHCP's being refused, taking for ever to get through, provision not available, loss of training providers (we used to have 4 locally offering pre-apprenticeships - now we have 1 with 2 intakes a year for the whole borough), no CAMHs appointments, year long waiting lists for initial assessments, even for the specialist LAC service, loss of good, experienced staff (SW/Teachers), no money for anything! Lack of opportunity for sport, youth services, libraries etc.

Families are struggling, burnt out, stressed, skint and not coping, rise in criminal exploitation of young people. It's so complex - then add Covid

Resilience isn't really the right word - I work with kids who are so bloody resilient they wont ask for help - they want to do it all themselves - but they don't know how - teenagers I work with can be resistant, suspicious, angry, scared, depressed, very mentally unwell but they are still strong and brave and funny - they just need the resources to back them up - without those things wont change.

If we don't invest in the next generation what do we expect?

I think the issue is the understanding of resilience. You do not become resilient by being, you become resilient by doing. Literally facing age appropriate challenges and overcoming them.

I see on here all the time parents saying teenagers can not go on public transport alone, stay at home alone etc because what if something goes wrong.

They have missed the point that children learn when something goes wrong at an age appropriate level. The train breaks down and they learn how to navigate getting on a different one. They make toast and the smoke alarm goes off and they open the windows to disperse the smoke. That is how resilience is built.

When I was 12 my friend and I used to get the bus to the main high street. Coming back we got on the wrong bus one day, realised and got off - we were too shy to say anything to the driver and mobile phones did not exist. We looked instead at the timetable on the bus stop and figured out how to get home. We were anxious, but we learnt that we could deal with public transport mistakes.

I was talking just a few days ago to my little Ukrainian mate (boy 13 who lived with us for a year at the start of the war). I asked about the differences between kids here and kids in the east. He said that children here (even older teenagers) are like babies.

His football was called off due to snow a couple of weeks ago, and he was incredulous. He said that back home, from the age of 6 or 7, when it snowed the kids would all be given shovels and they’d have to clear the pitch themselves before the match was played. Here they abandon the game because UK kids wouldn’t do it, and the parents are too scared of them hurting themselves.

He said his friends here are always moaning that they have it tough, but they have no idea how lucky they are. They’re all really spoilt and not prepared to put any hard work in to anything. Everything is just handed to them.

I can’t say I agree on every point, but it was a very interesting conversation!

I like the way you approach the problem. There are definitely things that can be done to help.

Parenting has changed massively!! I feel that is a huge contributor. Children are given more of a voice than I think they can handle. People seem to forget that we still need to teach young people and sometimes this looks like tough love.

Most of the children around me are pretty confident. I hope they grow up into confident young adults as it’s scary the influence that social media can have on them.

Examples I’ve come across recently

• My OH works in a school. A student in 6th form was 3 months late submitting their first draft essay (they even had the Christmas holiday and half terms in between). They complained to their parent, parent came in and complained. Head of Year took the parents side and the child wasn’t told off for missing a Deadline. How on this earth is this going to show the child that there are consequences when you miss deadlines? No they did not file exceptional circumstances.
• My DD in year 7 has a friend who is very very annoying and rude and cheeky to both adults and children. She was screaming on the streets when we went out and was singing loudly on the bus (2 separate occasions). Her mum said absolutely nothing! I told her to be silent as we are in a public place. She sulked - her mum didn’t seem to follow up. How on this earth will she learn resilience if her mum doesn’t nip her poor behaviour in the bud? My DD says that at school when someone disagrees with her she has a massive tantrum and complains that they are not her real friend.

I once had to train 10 under 25s. More than half had poor mental health and they were all so so talented. It was such a shame that it affected their work and progress when they wanted to grow their careers. Again as most have said there are some very determined ones that have amazing work ethic and get things done.

Of course personality plus a role in all of this but it’s so sad and something seems to have gone wrong.

@Menomeno The UK's prioritisation of health and safety is a bit ridiculous indeed. I come from another European country, not east, and it's the same there. I arrived here in the UK as an adult and felt babied. E.g. no sockets in the bathroom. In our office we couldn't open the windows on the top floor for health and safety. A colleague was no longer allowed to smoke on the roof terrace.

Children also need to do chores. This builds resilience and character. It gives kids self esteem and makes them feel they can do tasks. Little steps of success.
So many kids aren't given chores anymore when they're young. It's then too late to expect them to comply when they're teenagers and instead they live in disgusting unhygienic bedrooms where parents think 'it's their room. They can keep it how they want'
That's not good for their mental health either.

The only kids who will have a plan are those with SEN. These kids can't just learn their way out of that.

There really are!

I started a hobby group which attracts a large number of young people and I get to speak to them and share my own experience and hopefully guide some of them a bit.

If adults did more of this, and tried to give more to their community like this, then perhaps young people wouldn't feel so lost and alone.

I'm not saying I'm a pinnacle of wisdom or goodness (definitely not!) but I think it's important to do your bit to help, rather than just complain about young people. They aren't living in an easy world.

@ghostyslovesheets the country I come from has nothing like TAs or CAHMS etc. I didn't know what this when I came to the UK. So we grew up without all this and seemingly didn't have all the issues back in the 90s.

I do agree that families have it harder. Children no longer have it better than their parents did. Work seems less rewarding, i.e. pay is not keeping up with cost of living. Lots of cost cutting in companies and the system as a whole..I feel like capitalism has become as extreme as it can be? I.e. not as many teachers as before, too high a workload in many professions. A lot less focus on the human than I remember it a couple of decades ago.

I think a chunk of this is down to the messages they are receiving from adults and social media. They are constantly fed information about 'environmental threats' 'cost of living crisis' 'war' and are taught to be very easily offended. When I was younger I think it was easier for parents to filter what information we received and ensure that was age appropriate and not so overwhelming. Now they are constantly receiving messages of society being 'under threat' from 1 thing after another, and their developing brains go into a form of panic or shutdown as its just too much for them.

I try to keep my girls away from screens, news etc (except newsround) as far as possible as they need the chance to just be children and worry about nothing bigger than what they want for dinner or whose birthday party is coming up. There is plenty of time to worry about the bigger issues when they get older. We build resilience through outdoor activities which develop skills and confidence such as Brownies, climbing, Athletics etc and have seen a huge drop in anxiety levels

The more interesting question is how to build resilience.

I think a lot of that comes from being successful at non-school activities.

So learning to use buses and trains on your own, maybe with parental support at first.

Learning to cycle a bike and how to fix it when it goes wrong.

Guides, Scouts, and the various cadet organisations are very good at this because they support children and young people to learn life skills through badges etc and help them get used to working with other adults and young people away from the home.

Schools have become increasingly focused on academics rather than the rounded person, and a lot of music, sport, trips etc which I think did build resilience is gone.

I work as an invigilator in schools. There seems to have been an explosion of kids who cannot be in the main exam hall, and need various forms of extra support/mitigations. So there’s the room for the anxious kids, the room for the challenging behaviour kids, one to one invigilator for kids who literally cannot be in an exam room with any other kid. There’s 25% extra time for kids with mental health issues. Oh and if we can’t fit all the anxious ones in their particular room so they are in the main hall, we have to take them out for a walk in the corridor when they get overwhelmed. It’s meant a lot more invigilators are required!!

It's weird that this thread has popped up on the day the Daily Express has done it's 'culture wars' bit on people not working due to poor Mental Health , and they ask is it just ' snowflakey ' ?

I'm glad secondary school children are now disclosing poor mental health in schools instead of just putting up with and having a lifetime of anxiety and bitterness about how they were treated.

I'm glad schools are being confronted with these statistics and issues and are being made to look at the culture they are creating.

Kids of today are not any less resilient than in the ' good old days' , I look at it as an enormous progression that they can take control of their own feelings instead of being made to suffer and to fail.

These kids will demand inclusive and safe workplaces, not accept bullying and will look after their mental health. Good on 'em.

I agree with this, but I don't think we just have to throw up our hands and say 'Oh no, it's gone, everything is different now'.

If we think there need to be more opportunities for young people to be supported by adults in their community to build resilience (which is basically what Scouts/ Guides is), then we need to create these.

I'd say there's an equal problem of adults being a bit drained and disillusioned, and not putting in the same amount of energy to actively guiding and shaping young people. They aren't getting the same input so of course they are going to struggle.

More adults need to volunteer, to put themselves out there, to help young people.

@Twatalert I didn't see 'all these issues' either in the 80's - because 'those kids' where either in SEN schools, not in education, bunking off, etc

I disagree on the MH snowflakes thing

My dd has asd and adhd. Late diagnosis and she is the bravest person I know !

Once she finds her feet I am
Sure she will fly. She is already so much happier after leaving the toxic environment of her sixth form and working part time. Learning real life skills and earning. She is really coming on now.

I feel the issues are multi faceted
School is too controlling and standards set too high for many.
Govt too nanny state
Covid held kids back from vitalSocial Skills
Too Many exams, levels at a too young an age
Climate change is desperate yet govt do sod all. Move the goal post every year
War all over
Housing is inaccessible

Yet social Media tells us we need to have it all.

I'd be fed up too if that's all I had to look forward too.

What about thinking. Creativity. Aspiration, freedom
Hope

Think you've just hit the nail on the head