To say that the next generation is primarily screwed in terms of resilience

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And WTF do we do about it?

Obviously many young people are wonderfully resilient but the overall trend I’ve seen in my line of work (behavioural education) is that there are vast, and I mean VAST numbers of young adults who cannot leave the house, come into a classroom, look someone in the eye, make a phone call, speak infront of the class (if they make it in), cry when pronouns are wrong (daily occurrence), take responsibility to revise/get a job/learn to drive.

What is going to happen to these humans in the future?

@FKAT I completely agree. I was going to say that the single biggest factor in my opinion in building resilience is sport. My three DC are quite resilient. They all play sport, they have had to deal with joining new teams and knowing no-one, dealing with shithead coaches who dont play fair, practicing to improve skills, dealing with losing, dealing with not making more elite teams, being gracious in winning, etc.
My 16 year old DD joined a new team yesterday, the team is older than she is (in 20's) and she had to walk into the dressing room full of strangers, worried about how she would be received, how she would perform, etc. Yes she was nervous but she got on it with and ended up having a great time. A lot of kids her age would have said they were too anxious and backed out. She has been doing this since she was young so she knows most times it works out fine and when it doesnt she can deal with it.

Children are not making decision for themselves, their parents are doing it for them and not allowing them into situations where children have to problem solve. In my day children of all ages played together and figured out tricky situations without their parents doing it for them.

My nephew has very little resilience, he has left sport because he isnt good enough but wont put in the work to improve, he doesnt play out on the street but on video games. His mam micromanages everything for him. Where is he to learn to be resilient?

I think it is easier to talk about poor mental health and anxiety now without stigma - which is a good thing. However I also think we can encourage people to patholgise normal feelings of uncertainty, anxiety and sadness.

I remember going to university in 1997- it was only two years after my mum had died suddenly. I was worried and apprehensive of leaving my dad and brother to cope alone, I was a bit overwhelmed and lonely for first term. I remember a lot of tears.

But I did cope and it was ok in the end.

One of the differences I noticed with my stepson's rocky start to university a couple of years ago is I was forced to go out and meet people - we had shared bathrooms, shared kitchens, a computer centre (hardly anyone had their own laptop), we had to queue endlessly for all sorts of things (NUS card, registering to our faculty, sudent finance etc..), essay deadlines mean you physically had to deliver the printed essay to the department secretary by 5pm.

So you were forced to meet people and go beyond your comfort zone all the time.

Yes, I work in healthcare and the students now just can't seem to cope with anything. Working nights, working long days, working weekends, seeing patients, dealing with relatives, health care in general. I saw a first year who was finding the responsibility so stressful she had 1/2 of her placement off with stress.

We had a long conversation about whether this course was right for her as she will only gain more responsibility the more senior she became. It took 5 years for her to make it through a 3 year course and she left the profession in the first 6 months.

This is not a unique situation

My FIL is a teacher and laments the number of children on some sort of ‘plan’. It’s going to be a generation who can’t do anything without it being tailored to them. They’ll either get a shock when they have to enter the real world…or they’ll just go on the dole.

cry when pronouns are wrong (daily occurrence)

I call bullshit on that for starters. (I have several friends who work with teenagers and have discussed their attitudes to LGBT people, and their own identities, a lot.)

Secondly I don't believe everyone in previous generations was as resilient as it appeared. We just didn't have the language or knowledge to express what was wrong or the awareness that asking for help was permissible. There's so much more knowledge around both mental health issues and social issues. I consider myself a resilient person, by and large, but there was one particular moment when I was 19 where, if I'd known as much about anxiety and stress as I do now, it would have literally altered the course of my life now. As it was I bottled everything up and no one really knew what was going on, to my detriment.

Thirdly when you look at the world today's teenagers are growing up into I'm not bloody surprised they're anxious. From climate change to war to an increasingly fucked economy, I'd be surprised if any but the most privileged viewed their future with any sort of comfort.

Unfortunately, just about all the young people I know have very little resilience and some have serious mental health problems. So, whilst there are many who ARE coping, there seems to be a downward trend.

But focusing too much on menatl health difficulties can make them worse.

Yeah, those kids in wheelchairs or who are blind...

They'll get a real shock when they enter the real world and if they don't pull their socks up and walk or learn to see no-one will want them.

Thankfully many of the kids on a plan will get extra support - these days you can even take wheelchairs on trains and I hear sometimes they let disabled people actually have jobs!

As always, there's no single issue.

Are the issues really that much worse or are they a bit worse, but seem worse because a) we have more children (DS' school, for example, had just 6 form entry a few years ago, now it's 8 form entry - that's a lot more children so if the numbers are up, are the ratios?). Also, similarly, society has changed a lot and a lot of children who would have struggled at school might not even have been in school, and certainly weren't always as visible and tagged for support, which again, messes with ratios.

Then there's Covid - the gift that never stops.

Then there's the fact that the vast bulk of schools have improved in terms of their thinking on behaviour and other issues. Punishments and codes still exist, but increasingly schools are expected to look more deeply etc.

In the last few years we have the COL crisis and the adult burn out someone else has mentioned. This can make things tougher for families, and more likely that families are struggling with the basics, never mind the more complex issues.

Then there's an increased mindset of paranoia. It wasn't that long ago that children were routinely allowed or even encouraged to play out, walks to school etc from a relatively young age. Studies have shown this helps children build resilience and problem solve. But now, even when parents want to allow this freedom, it can be difficult - eg our school will not allow children to walk alone pre year 6. Plus there's the censure you get from the broader community...

These are just the issues I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure there are a lot more.

@gannett There is truth in that. When i was at university there was the well known issue of the very high achieving but very mollycoddled child who went off the rails or had a breakdown at univerity - we all knew one. I think probably now thought that is the norm rather than the exception. Younger colleagues look in horror when i say my dad didn't take me to any university interviews and I was expected to come home for the holidays on the train.

He was a single parent with a busy job and had left school at 16 - he just assumed i was an adult and therefore it was for me to sort out.

YANBU, and I don't think we do them any favours. I'm a lecturer and we're now seeing many students with adjustments for disabilities - but the form will say things like "X becomes anxious around exam time and so can choose to defer" or "X gets stressed at times of high workload". There is nothing unusual or unhealthy about being stressed during exams or when you have multiple deadlines.

Allowing those students to defer their exams and extend their deadlines just lets them kick the can down the road and the problems tend to build and build.

(There are of course students dealing with all sorts of terrible problems, chronic physical and/or mental health difficulties but that's not what I'm talking about.)

@MandyRiceDavies it’s all over the news - again - today. Wonderful that you don’t know any young people struggling but it is definitely worse than ever now.

@Rumors1 Sport is not the answer for everyone. It’s great for kids who are good at sport and good for them. For some, being bad at sport is part of the problem and schools don’t encourage enough noncompetitive sports, for self esteem and fun, just encouraging enjoying movement and exercise. But funnel everyone into the same old team sports which is mortifying for some with poorer hand eye coordination.

You’re right, of course, but the underlying causes are complex, IMO.

If I had to pick a single social trend I’d say it’s the growth of the ‘I’ve got rights!’ culture.

Responsibility and resilience have got rather lost in the blizzard of “rights” issues.

People have difficulty separating the genuinely important injustices from petty personal grievances.

@Hereyoume "Look at the armed forces, they cannot recruit because most young people see no value in fighting for anything. They would rather have an intellectual debate, and they think such debates indicate progress, that as people they are somehow superior."

I think it's worse than that. Intellectual debates have become circle-jerks. Deviation from the tribal norm is "literal violence".

And WTF do we do about it?

I think a good starting point would be to stop voting for a government that does not have the interests of young people very high on its agenda at all.

It's hardly surprising that young people are struggling given the state of our economy, country, and the world. We need a government who will prioritise and boost them up, and to stop the blame culture - it is not the fault of young people - they are the product of the society we have all created.

People are equating mental health problems with not being resilient? I’d argue that young people with mental health problems are even more resilient as they have more challenges. An illness (be it mental or physical) does not mean you lack in resilience. We need to stop conflating the two.

I went to a uni offer applicant day recently. When my daughter was off doing a tour, I was chatting to one of the lecturers. They take attendance and have all sorts of plans in place to get students to attend in person. A worrying amount would (and do) spend their entire uni life in their rooms, attending classes virtually, whenever possible. When challenged, they cite anxiety or similar as justification. She said this year it has been ‘slightly’ better, but it’s still a major issue. These students, on average, do much, much worse than the others.

I agree. And in truth, I meet a lot of young people who I think are very resilient.

I think that we need to be optimistic and supportive of the upcoming generation if they are to have any chance.

And, as adults/ parents, look at how and where we can support them - be that at home as parents, in our communities, or by using our vote - we all have power here.

I think it's some teens/young adults thinking that feeling anxious means they have anxiety in the medical sense. Then instead of tackling the problem, getting through it and building resilience, they medicalise their perfectly normal anxiety which doesn't actually help them deal with the problem.

And I stress some. Others are of course ill and need help with that - and as you say, often demonstrate huge resilience.

My DS started working at a fast food chain in September and was 1 of 25 took on over a month and there's him and 2 girls left that's all . Before he started I told him you'll have to work quick be on your feet for hours and be shouted at by the managers if you aren't going quick enough but it's not personal it's just how it is but a lot of the others he started with couldn't cope with it .He mentioned some of them bursting into tears because they struggled to keep up with the pace and just walking out even with other workers and managers offering to help and give them a break they just found it too overwhelming. My DS does ok as do alot of the teens there but a lot of them leave and new faces nearly every month . I do think that some parents really don't help though I know the mum of 1 of the teens that quit and she was furious about how her child was treated and that they worked them too hard and how can I let my DS work there and be treated so badly , they really are not treated badly they are just expected to work .

I agree, but this only applies to Westerners, particularly UK and USA

Asia/Africa/rest of the world I'd say it's never been higher

We should start helping kids to know the difference between normal anxiety and anxiety that is a problem.
So many kids thing the anxiety they feel before a test or exam is a mental health problem. This just fine tuned them into anxious feelings and then dies become a problem.

Kids need to exercise. They have a lot going on that some regular exercise could help them manage. Hormones, anxiety, low mood, stress, too much sugar and screen time.

They need to get off TikTok and YouTube shorts as that's destroying their focus and normalising some strange ideas and behaviours.

Whilst a valid concern, the workplace is a vastly different environment from the school.

I think that IF you can get a young adult into a workplace, you've probably won the battle as they'll find it a much more supportive, mature and rewarding existence compared to a school (in general terms, I know some workplaces can also be toxic). Just being around adults is often enough!

Obviously, someone with stress, anxiety, low self esteem, etc., may not be easy to get into a workplace though!!

The thing is most schools seem toxic these days. All the nonsensical rules, endemic bullying, noise, disruption, etc., being forced to sit in lessons they can't understand, etc etc.

I hated school due to daily severe bullying and ended up truanting and leaving without any qualifications at all. I was withdrawn, suffered low self esteem, had an eating disorder, no friends to speak of, just stayed in all day, literally doing nothing. With help/support from parents (basically pushing me, dictating application letters, etc), I went to a few interviews, and massively gained confidence from each. Out of 5 applications, I got 4 interviews and 2 job offers as "office junior" which was all I could expect with no qualifications. I was a nervous wreck in the days before my first day. But I loved it. I was in an office with two "older" ladies who really took me under their wing - I think they could see I was "tainted" by my awful teen years. I couldn't believe how nice everyone was, I was constantly expecting to be told off, bullied, etc., but it simply never happened. I literally grew in stature and confidence every single day. After such a good experience, I started going to clubs & societies, started a sport, did O and A levels at college, etc., and constantly surprised at how different it was to be in a mature/adult environment rather than school!!

I find young people extremely resilient and capable.

There have always been people who struggled with social aspects of life- they either found a job where the didn't have to talk to people or often they were thrown on the scrap heap or at worst put in institutions when their disabilities or health issues were more severe. So you perhaps weren't as aware of those people or they were hidden away, in the past. Certainly they did not have a voice in the media.

My DS has always struggled a bit with this due to his autism, although he's slightly older (25). In a way it seems that some of the difficulties he's had which used to make him stand out won't be so unusual in future, especially anxiety about social communication and being unable to live independently. So hopefully there will be more accommodations for those who would have had these issues anyway. I think the post Covid world has been better for him generally, with many more services offered remotely.