To say that the next generation is primarily screwed in terms of resilience

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And WTF do we do about it?

Obviously many young people are wonderfully resilient but the overall trend I’ve seen in my line of work (behavioural education) is that there are vast, and I mean VAST numbers of young adults who cannot leave the house, come into a classroom, look someone in the eye, make a phone call, speak infront of the class (if they make it in), cry when pronouns are wrong (daily occurrence), take responsibility to revise/get a job/learn to drive.

What is going to happen to these humans in the future?

I'm in my 20s OP and I completely agree.

But it's not so much people in my age bracket, it's the teens and early twenties.

It's rife and I don't know what the answer is.
I think tiktok has a lot to answer for. Someone always getting cancelled and people jumping on bandwagons.

My cousin has to take an anti anxiety tablet before driving, she takes stress balls in the car (she shouldn't be on the road..)
My friends sister won't go out of the house or make a single phone call, dropped out of school at 14 and hasn't done a single thing since. She's 23 now. No diagnosed SEN.
Someone at my work won't come into the office due to crippling anxiety that wasn't there 2 years ago.

Not saying these people are making it up, of course. But agree that there's so much more of it everywhere.

Trigger warnings have a place, but not on every damn thing.

But I’m NOT generalising - I have 20x the learners that I used to. It’s not because I come into contact with more of them. I used to have 10 - now there’s over 200 a year!!

I'd prefer the one of my childhood (without the racism), when we had free education for life, a functioning health service, no food banks, social housing, a lower retirement age, a house cost 4x the average wage not 8x and nobody was having smashed avocados on toast.

I'm a mainstream sixth form teacher. Yes, in my experience, it is becoming a worrying trend, particularly the inability to cope with fairly standard expectations (coming into classes, answering fairly straightforward questions, not 'knowing' their teachers on a personal level). I do worry what will become of many of them. I have a family member who has not left their (mum's) house for 20 years due to similar issues. It's not an existence I would wish for anyone.

Not sure of the solution, apart from high expectations of attendance/engagement and high levels of support. Sadly the funding isn't there to do this properly.

If it means giving up smashed avocados then I think I’d like everything to stay just the same please.

Where I grew up you needed to drive - rural village so I do get some place cars really are needed.

As we don''t drive we live where we don't need to drive - however even here it is alarming how many of my DC peers don't know how to get about without cars as they've never done it.

They often don't realise center is walkable from here - no idea of routes or how to work buses/trains out - and often do rely initially on my DC knowing the way or explaining or till the small minority start driving themselves around.

I also think that we have promoted weakness to such an extent that it has become "normal" to be helpless, and anyone who doesn't support such thinking is branded as aggressive or offensive.

I completely agree with this. And it's not just young adults either. I am follow a few energy saving/budgeting FB pages and the general pathetic-ness of people is staggering. Posters don't seem to be interested in sorting things out for themselves, just post after post of 'Please help me read my meter' every month or 'I'm not very good at things like this' 'I don't understand how to read bills' and instead of asking for an explanation or even making the effort to learn themselves, they accept the answer then ask the same thing again the next month. That and endless accusations of 'bullying' when things don't go their way.
This afternoon. a woman said she was 60 and was amazed she could not retire now and had to wait until she was 67. A (brave) poster pointed out that this had been the case for more than 10 years and she would do better to keep herself informed and she was subjected to a torrent of abuse from other posters, calling her out on how unkind and rude she was and calling for her to be banned.
There is a serious lack of adulting going on and that is without a doubt the fault of social media and pages like these I am talking about.

Ds1 is at uni now, and many of his friends there can drive, have learnt to drive, many of his school friends did, at the time. Not all, but many. We taught him to drive primarily and then he had a few lessons, so the cost was not too bad. Most don't even own cars now though. But the whole thing is possible, Not impossible.

My tuppencd worth us that I think the very controlled childhoods kids have will be a factor. I do think that the free range childhoods of old were needed to enable children to build social skills, emotional skills, problem solving and resilience. You just can’t do that in the same way at adult directed and supervised activities.

I think there may be a lot of truth in this. I'm ancient, so grew up in the 60's/early 70s. We were allowed so much more freedom than children are today and our free time was much less structured. We didn't have "play dates", you just went and knocked for your mates to see who was around. We played out in the streets and local parks, as well as in other kids' houses.

By the time I was in my last year in primary, my friends and I were allowed to get 2 buses to go and play in large nature reserves that were 3 or 4 miles away. Not only did we not have mobiles, most of our parents didn't even have landlines. A couple of times, we lost our bearings and came out of the nature reserve onto unfamiliar roads, without a clue which direction to go in. We checked the timetable at the nearest bus stop, and worked out how to get home.

At 13, I was allowed to get the bus, train and tube and go into central London with friends. When my niece did this for the first time at 17, her dad and her friend's dad went into London with them, and only let them go off alone once they were at Oxford Circus. Even then were in contact via text every hour or so.

Independence breeds resilience imo, and if children aren't given the opportunity for independent play and other activities, and allowed incremental increases in freedom as they mature, they won't develop resilience and independence.

@FluffyFanny agree with the mental health thing. Huge focus on it but in my view the wrong way. A lot is still about someone else needing to make adjustments so person xyz has it easier because of anxiety. I feel this is often the wrong way.

People need to be taught how to look after themselves before and during doing something challenging and then again after. There is not enough focus on self-care other than 'i have anxiety and so I cannot do this'. Enough sleep, sleep hygiene, diet, mindfulness (focus on one thing. Chuck the bloody phone away) and feeling connected to others in person are so important. I feel a good therapist is worth gold so I strongly believe access to proper therapy should be easier.

Following on from this is the raise in retirement age meaning grandparents aren't around as much to support parents. Parents retiring at 60 were relatively young and able to support with childcare, helping out with activities etc. retiring at 67 I doubt I'll have a lot left to give with regards to energy and I will probably feel like time is running out and want to spend it on pursuing my own interests.

Not at work today? People used to be resilient enough to work full time.

And people used to be aware enough to know exactly what sort of comments they were inviting about young people when they started a thread like this.

I have a DS who is nearly 17 and I can't imagine any of the parents doing that. In fact they all went to London for the first time at 15, we are only an hour away though.

I think - if us adults - are feeding a cycle of negativity, it causes a downward spiral. I think smartphones etc ARE part of life now : but we can monitor and teach children to use them appropriately, so long as we see it as our job, our responsibility, to create boundaries, talk to our children and not instil a sense of negative apathy.
There are terrible things in the world : but I think proactivity, how can we make this better, ensuring that children see the beauty and wonder in life is so important. And that can be as simple as a walk in a park or along a beach.
We’re not here for very long, so that chance to be ‘human’ : to say ‘wow’, to experience what we can : is so valuable.

I think individualism, greed, consumerism compounds that : that we NEED certain things to be happy, when we don’t. If we have sufficient food, shelter, warmth and security we should all have the opportunity to be happy. Yet we think we need a £40 shampoo, fast disposable fashion, a high end kitchen etc etc. And it’s confusing : especially growing up. We’ve taught our children that success is based on earnings, wealth, a big house, designer labels, a high tech phone : whereas we should teach that success is about happiness.

I agree. I work in a similar field & these issues have sky rocketed over the last 2 or 3 years. I think a lot of parents will have adult children permanently living at home, incapable of earning or living independently. It’s very sad.

Nail on the head. Couldn't agree more. It's not fit for purpose and hasn't been for probably 50 years.

I know people across the generations that aren't resilient, they are good at other things like amazing Art or are professional musicians but they are not resilient, I know an upper class woman in her 50s, who has never worked, is ill most days and lives off her looks so people (men) do these things for her.

I agree. Luckily our DDs and their immediate social circle seem pretty normal and sound (thankfully they're like me and don't tolerate much in the way of nonsense behaviour). But when it comes to their extended social circle and acquaintances I hear so many shocking tales of young adults who have been so pandered to and smothered in cotton wool by their parents that they cannot function independently, at all.

When they were in Sixth Form I swear 50% of their classmates 'had anxiety'. Really? Like really? Or did they just sometimes feel anxious which is a perfectly sensible response to stressful situations e.g. taking an exam, driving test, waiting for GP results, going away to university etc.

DD recently flew with a friend who is nearly 22. Her friend's parents messaged her roughly 20 times between dropping her at the airport and her actually getting on the plane. Just constantly checking on her, making sure she was okay going through security, had she got her toiletries in the right bag, was she at the right gate? It was relentless. In contrast I just received ONE text from DD (nearly 21) to say they'd landed which was as it should be.

If I'd allowed to let my DD get to the age of 21 without being able to navigate an airport successfully ON THEIR OWN then I would have failed as a parent.

I'm sure there will be some pushing the narrative that the younger cohort are just 'better' at taking the time they need when they're not at their best.

I believe they're a balance, you don't have to drag yourself into work at death's door but equally we've all got shit going on and bills to pay, so keep productive.

Yep I’m not sure the boomers who only needed to have 1 person working with women often never working, no childcare issues, a functioning nhs, no climate change worries, affordable housing, early retirement with decent pensions and no smart phones to deal with were that resilient .

This generation are just a reflection of their parents who lived easy lives too.

I just think you an I are talking about easy in a different way. I just mean that the amount of time that needs to be dedicated to our most basic needs, keeping warm, looking after crops/animals, feeding the family, repairing the home, looks very different to society now that it did say 100years ago, 200 years ago and on and on. And that's a good thing but human's have been around for eons doing this stuff. We aren't great with rumination and we aren't great with not being physically busy.

How many people are genuinely resilient, I'm trying to think of the people I know. It depends how you define it. Maybe you need to adjust your outlook and ask if it is an issue or a different viewpoint. Working until a reasonable time compared to sleeping in an office due to working on a deal perhaps shows a lack of resilience but hasn't the young person got their head screwed on.

So are you saying only academic people can be resilient as opposed to people who go down vocational routes and artsy careers?

This is what I was trying to say earlier in this thread. School these days can be toxic for a variety of reasons and simply not fit for purpose for lots of kids. THAT'S why we're seeing more MH issues among school children. Rather than whingeing about lack of resilience, perhaps we need to look at our education system and try to understand why so many kids are disengaged and either go down the stress/anxiety/MH route or the disruptive/disobedient route? Our "one size fits all" system simply no longer fits the majority of pupils as it's antiquated in terms of the subjects taught, the exam system and school life in general, i.e. nonsensical rules.

I hated school because of bullying and I started to truant and self harm, but once I got into the workplace I was absolutely fine and went from strength to strength once I was around mature adults rather than the toxic school environment.

Yes, it is all relative.