AIBU to think this isn’t a necessary comment to make about how your friend looks?

[Ohhhhh]

I met up with my friend over the weekend and she said something that really upset me. We are both in our 20s and I thought we were good friends, we’ve both been there for each other through hard times.

I am currently dating a really nice man, after a string of not so good relationships. I think I’ve had an average number of relationships, and have enjoyed dating in my early 20s. She is different to me, which is fine, and hasn’t dated as much and wouldn’t like to have causal things like I do - which is her choice. She says she wouldn’t sleep with someone before 4 dates and said I might be setting myself up to fail because I do. Anyway.

She said to me, unprovoked “how do you get all these me ? You’re not pretty but you are attractive” I asked what she meant and she said “well I’m pretty, I wouldn’t say you are, you’re attractive”

I am so upset. I have really low self esteem and have had previous relationships where my looks have been under constant criticism. I also have history of an eating disorder so I guess I am very conscious about how I look.

AIBU to be hurt? I think I am overreacting but I can’t stop thinking about the comment and thinking that everyone thinks I am this bizarre looking creature and I’m her ugly side kick?

What a weird and horrible thing to say. I would rethink the friendship. That might sound drastic but there's no way that her delivering that level of nastiness is a standalone event. I'd bet the farm that she seizes every opportunity to put you down.

I was once out with a then 'friend'. I arrived for a drink before dinner. I was feeling great as life was good - I'd recovered from being very very ill. I had gotten back in shape after cancer treatment causing enormous weight gain. I had a lovelydress on and was really happy to be out and feeling normal again after all the health battles.

My friend said nothing when we met but I kept seeing her look me up and down, scanning my (new) figure. A drunk man came to the table and proceeded to tell me I was beautiful before being led away by his very apologetic friend.

My friend was absolutely furious. It was shocking how upfront she was about resenting me getting attention, however unwanted. She then demanded I hand over my makeup bag and said "you know if one of us is getting attention i'd expect it to be me"

Weird as hell. It was like a switch went off after that and I couldn't help seeing how much she put me down all the time under the guise of being helpful or honest or funny.

This is the antithesis of a friendly thing to say

She is negging you to make herself feel better. I had a 'best friend' like this as a teenager who told me that I made her look more attractive when we went out together as I was not as attractive. I can see now that was nonsense.

I brought it up to my friend and she just said I needed to grow up, and that was her opinion.

I told her my idea of prettiness must be different to hers.

not sure what happens with the friendship now, feels very strained

An ex long term friend said to me once that i was an 8 out of 10 and she was a 3 out of ten, which was all totally untrue but i was so shocked that that was how she saw herself as she was super confident, this same friend also said to me once lets look in Evans cliothes shop as we walked past and i said but im not fat and she said oh im sure something will fit!! people put you down coz their jealous andvshes jealous you have a man and you're happy, sod her, put her in the ex friend pile..

Please don't spend any more time with this person, she isn't your friend. What a nasty and completely unnecessary comment. She isn't worth any of your time if she talks to you like this. Focus on people who make you feel great when you're with them. What a cow.

Ooft. She may be pretty on the outside, but certainly not the inside op. You however are obviously a nice person and people see that about you. She’s no friend. I’d be letting this friendship slide.

It's almost as if different people find different things aesthetically appealing!

What a bitch! She just sounds jealous.

can someone enlighten me on the difference between pretty and attractive?

I don't see how anyone could not think that Jolie was beautiful, though. There is such a thing as objective beauty. I personally can't understand thinking Reese is pretty, but I guess there there is more room for manoeuvre: I don't think anyone would say she was pretty if she wasn't a blue eyed blonde.

It's an extremely odd comment and a very strange thing to say to a friend but she is not saying you are ugly. She said you are attractive which in my mind is better than pretty which is more superficial and something I would say about a child not an adult
I have no idea what she was trying to say but was she jealous?

This is just you restating your belief that your subjective aesthetic should be considered objective.

Shes also called you a tart I'd leave this friendship tbh some secret animosity escaped her lips.

Looks are subjective and unless you’ve got celeb budget or freaky genes then they fade as we age so anyone putting too much weight on them is a bit dense.

I would think she is jealous of you from that comment and a bit pathetic.

How rude and weird. She's obviously jealous. It seems she implying you must be morally dubious or promiscuous as well.
I bet she is different looking to you, not better or worse. Like all people have their unique features. I would give her a wide berth in future. Who needs bitchy friends like that.

Wow, I'd be so pissed if someone said that to me. I wouldn't say that to anybody either.

I'd tell her to bugger off.

So apparently, according to her, you’re immature as well as not pretty. She’s not your friend.

She made the hostility pretty blatant. Good for you for bringing it up. Better now than after you are planning your wedding (someday) and she insists on being your bridesmaid so she can ruin your day. Just tell her you have grown up and dump her. If your mother brings it up (since you said your mothers are friends) just be vague: “oh i keep trying to arrange something but she keeps canceling.”

Says way more about her than you! People are that insecure they will put people down to make themselves feel better. These people should be pittied,.imagine comparing your self to everyone, must be exhausting! You do you. Screams jealousy to me.

Ultimately it doesn't matter what your friend thinks.

I personally think my dh is very handsome but I equally know he would never be a model 😂

It doesn't matter if she finds you pretty or attractive but it does matter that she's happy to make shitty comments like that.

I'd struggle to stay friends tbh.

just another one adding - she’s not a good ‘friend’, OP. Friends don’t try to bring each other down. She needs to deal with her insecurities in her own time rather than drag you with her.

I’d take that as a ‘true colours’ moment and distance myself.

Maybe point out you have a nicer personality than her and if she doesn't like it tell her to grow up it's just your opinion

I wouldn’t even tell her. I’d just do a quick Fade

Linda Evangelista (as an example)was stunningly attractive, beautiful, fierce, powerful but I'd never describe her as pretty. Pretty is such a diminutive little word. It's how you'd describe a doily. What about other classic beauties? So many I would not describe as pretty.

Your friend is a jealous & shallow person attempting to make herself feel better. Extremely unattractive however "pretty" she may think she is. You are way more attractive inside and out. I'd take that. And ditch the negative energy of this person. I'm quite old and I can tell you life really is too short - looks come and go, it doesn't count for much in the end.

It’s not a normal or appropriate comment to make if you are a good friend. But if you are a nasty jealous bitch ….
OP, it’s absolutely not about yours or hers understanding of beauty/ prettiness/ attractiveness .
It’s about her being mad jealous that you have attention and relationships but she’s not. It’s just accidentally came out but it’s who she always was. Just stop close friendship with her.
Imagine what she is talking behind your back….