To think we excuse people to much because they have 'had a drink'?

[Downandout21]

Myself and DH and living with DF temporarily. DF can be lovely when he wants to be until he has had a drink.

Yesterday he had been out drinking all day, when he came back you could tell he was looking for a fight. He was asking me the same question repeatedly and got angry when I got annoyed. I ended up burning cakes I was cooking with DD as when I went to check on them he shouted at me for walking of when he was talking to me, even though I apologised and said hold the thought I need to get cakes out the oven.

It ended up with him completely shouting angrily for over an hour I'm surprised the neighbours didn't call the police.

DF has always been like this when drunk and this resulted in physical violence to DM when I was a child.

I told DH today we need to leave and find somewhere else to like. DH was like, he was drunk, he is fine normally, and stated next time he is drunk to just let him ride it out.

I explained under no circumstances am I letting DD witness someone that angry and no way is she seeing the same as I did when I was growing up. Drunk or not, that behaviour is not acceptable.

AIBU to think as a society we often excuse people's behaviour due to the fact they have had a drink?

I agree it's silly. Like at work christmas parties and then it's always sorry I'd had a drink. Then don't. Don't drink if it makes you an arse.

Sounds like he is angry and resentful you are in his house.

Meh, you only live once. Unless it's something horrible, who cares if you do something stupid every now and then, we all deserve to let loose and have a bit of fun

I'm not saying not to do stupid things. But physical, emotional aggression is not acceptable just because someone has had a drink

I agree with you. I think you should move out as soon as you can. British society is as you say far too accepting of abuse that comes from alcohol. And your husband should deal with the angry drunk man as it is OK with him apparently!

DF is probably an alcoholic if he has terrible behaviour when drinking and continues to drink regardless

How long have you all been with him and how long do you expect to be?
Is your mum still with him? He probably is used to going off, getting v drunk and going home hammered and sleeping it off, he's actually having to interact with people now you're there so it's noticeable to him how drunk he is.

DM passed away when I was in my early 20s.

We where only supposed to be staying a month or so, however every time we go to move out he just says we may aswell stay and we keep him company.

I've always been wary of him drinking, but he hasn't been to bad whilst we have been staying, however yesterday was exactly the same as how he used to react to my mum when I was a child.

I agree, if drinking turns you into a twat and you know this but still choose to drink knowing that then you are a twat and it isn’t an excuse or forgivable.

I think men get their behaviour excused as they were drunk. Women get judged for getting drunk in the first place

My dad drank every day. He was fine so long as you didn't argue with him in that state. In your situation I would get out asap, like you said it's about protecting your dd seeing that

I agree - and in court, all offences are treated more seriously if the offender was drunk. I do wish more people thought that way in everyday life though.

You don't class angry drunken shouting in front of a child as 'horrible'?

Get your DD out of there sooner rather than later OP.

To be honest I wouldn't be staying with my alcoholic parent who was abusive to my mother at all. There must be somewhere else you can go, even if it means paying for a hotel. And you certainly shouldn't subject your DD to it. Of course a drink isn't an excuse. You know that from a lifetime of knowing your father. Leave now.

I agree OP. I think society and the whole drinking culture encourages us to use it as a get out clause. I've certainly tried to do that myself in the past when I should actually have been facing up to irresponsible behaviour.

Are people even reading the OP?? Your father is a mean drunk. You’re not safe there. No, it’s not excusable because he’s pissed. It’s bit normal to go out drinking all day and shout for hours at your child in the presence of your grandchild.

If your DH thinks this is acceptable I’d be worried about your own relationship down the line.

YABU at all.

I hate how alcohol affects a lot of people. It’s like a dark cloud coming over them. You can see it.

This country has a fucked up relationship with alcohol.

You need to move our. It was a risk living there with your daughter anyway as you knew he had a history of abuse. My mum is an alcoholic and would never live with her, a shitty b&b would be preferable.

How long have you been there? You need to make arrangements ASAP.

I agree with you. I would be so upset if my father did that. And your DD must be feeling anxious about him drinking like that again.
Stay if he promises not to get like that again, the moment he does, I'd be outta there.

I'd really start the process of looking for elsewhere and ramping up the savings.

Yes, I totally agree on both your actual situation and the wider point. We do excuse drunken behaviour and give it a special status. I don’t understand why at all. People are still responsible for their actions when they are drunk, if they get out of control then they shouldn’t drink.

Yanbu op and I bet this is not the only time it's happened recently either. Move out ASAP.

Even your aibu question has answers on it that prove how right you are. I don't drink any more and am very often staggered by how fucked up people are about booze.

I agree. I wouldn’t explose myself to a drunk, never mind children. Get out.

Alcohol is used an excuse for bad behaviour. It’s laughed off. ‘Oh my husband urinated in the wardrobe, ha ha ha’. It can be a cause of crime, car accidents and DV. I would never be around this level of behaviour. No way.

Yes, get out if you can.

YANBU, OP.