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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mumsnet posts which drive me mad

633 replies

Ilovecleaning · 25/02/2024 21:20

Anyone hate these posts?

  • really really really long posts
  • long posts with NO paragraphs
  • posts which start ‘ I have a friend, let’s call her Jane; her DH, let’s call him Sam… you can’t bloody well follow the post. Much easier just to say Friend and DH.
Any others? 😊
OP posts:
DerekFaker · 03/03/2024 12:46

Mothership4two · 03/03/2024 12:38

Posters who have a blinkered view on the World and insist everybody does what they do with no idea people may not have as privileged a life as them. "Of course everyone has a car and drives/spends £££ on gifts (especially for weddings) or holidays/ has parties for a zillion children... There is a poster on a thread at the moment who is insisting that a long haul flight to Australia is not a big deal (with a baby) because everybody does it

Yes to this. Like the "Why don't you employ a nanny/cleaner?" that always gets trotted out, like it's that easy.

Mothership4two · 03/03/2024 12:50

People who post some sort of very difficult conundrum where they are being unreasonable. Get a massive response and some criticism which they discuss at length. Say they are taking the advice and things change suspiciously quickly and by page 2 or 3 it's all sorted, tied up with a bow and they are thanking everyone. The speedy narrative doesn't make sense against the difficulties initially outlined. It's pretty obviously a made up story. It's not so common anymore, but it still happens - there was a phase of it about a year or so ago. I think it is probably bored people who make things up to have a conversation.

RampantIvy · 03/03/2024 12:59

Mothership4two · 03/03/2024 12:38

Posters who have a blinkered view on the World and insist everybody does what they do with no idea people may not have as privileged a life as them. "Of course everyone has a car and drives/spends £££ on gifts (especially for weddings) or holidays/ has parties for a zillion children... There is a poster on a thread at the moment who is insisting that a long haul flight to Australia is not a big deal (with a baby) because everybody does it

I know what you mean.

"I managed, so why can't anyone else?"

Because they are not you

Daisy12Maisie · 03/03/2024 14:22

People that say "you need to take some responsibility for choosing to have children with him."
Yes sometimes there are red flags but a lot of the time there aren't any and then abuse starts during pregnancy. Blaming people in that situation isn't helpful.

longtompot · 03/03/2024 22:55

@SoundTheSirens totally agree with you on this!

And my ultimate pet hate: posters who reply in a longish thread simply saying "100% what X said" / "OP you should absolutely do what X said" / "X has summed it up perfectly" but they don't quote X so you have to scroll back hoping X's post will be just a few posts further up from their comment or at least on the same page, but it never is!

BlackForestCake · 03/03/2024 23:08

The stock answer to every thread should be “Tell them to get to fuck!”

I think there should be a dedicated “Tell them to get to fuck!” sub-forum. It would quickly rival AIBU as the most-read.

TealSapphire · 04/03/2024 00:51

Yes, 90% of threads I read the stock response in my head is 'sounds like a cunt' never say it though 😅

crumbledog · 04/03/2024 08:52

MasterBeth · 02/03/2024 12:38

No, I think many contributions are just adding to a discussion that sits online permanently and the original poster's initial question is relevant only because it's provoked the subsequent discussion.

You could read this discussion now or in two years' time and it would be equally (ir)relevant.

I have rarely seen that happen. Outside of trolls. People will Google a topic, unknowingly come across an old thread and ask a question on it, which will then resurrect it and start other people commenting on it, causing confusion to people that don’t see the dates. Posters then get frustrated that the OP hasn’t responded to their ‘wise’ input, which has likely already been said about 300 posts earlier in 2018.
There’s no reason to do it and Mumsnet should inactivate threads after a certain amount of time has passed.

MasterBeth · 04/03/2024 10:42

Why are you responding to a comment I posted TWO DAYS AGO?!! Time's moved on, hun.

crumbledog · 04/03/2024 11:20

Posters that think adding hun to a comment counts as a withering put down, would also be on my list of mumsnet grievances. Irritating and tedious beyond belief.

DerekFaker · 04/03/2024 11:26

MasterBeth · 04/03/2024 10:42

Why are you responding to a comment I posted TWO DAYS AGO?!! Time's moved on, hun.

Except it wouldn't be two days would it? It would be months or years ago if it was a zombie thread.

NecessaryNC24 · 04/03/2024 11:48

crumbledog · 04/03/2024 11:20

Posters that think adding hun to a comment counts as a withering put down, would also be on my list of mumsnet grievances. Irritating and tedious beyond belief.

It was also considered very NetHuns-like ...sorry I mean NetMums 👀.

Vistada · 04/03/2024 11:51

The "think" cadence. I.e.

"I have a good salary, think six figures"
" I work in healthcare, think nurse"
"I'm going far abroad, think australia"

Just fucking say what it is. Jesus.

Craybourne · 04/03/2024 11:53

crumbledog · 04/03/2024 11:20

Posters that think adding hun to a comment counts as a withering put down, would also be on my list of mumsnet grievances. Irritating and tedious beyond belief.

I’d say this for a lot of MN phrases:

wind your neck in
give your head a wobble
use your words

Also, in life generally, any ‘babe’

All are embarrassing, particularly as you know the poster thinks they sound really sharp and scathing or a bit street. Cringe

Abitofalark · 04/03/2024 12:03

Sneering at Netmums is high in the ranks of the most annoying posts.

NecessaryNC24 · 04/03/2024 12:10

Abitofalark · 04/03/2024 12:03

Sneering at Netmums is high in the ranks of the most annoying posts.

Ofc it is.

Deep breaths now.

DontGiveADuck · 04/03/2024 12:11

Be kind.

Um no, I’ll tell you what I think. I’m not going to be rude, but I’ll give my honest opinion.

Peeppuandpopo · 04/03/2024 12:16

‘We moved north, much bigger house and mortgage free, amazing quality of life, brilliant schools, would never move back’. Blah, blah, blah…
Yep, probs cos you moved to one of the desirable areas up here, but good on you for taking one for the team 🙄

CruCru · 04/03/2024 12:26

Actually I get cross with some of the school posts. Things along the lines of “It’s completely immoral to pay for private school, you should send your children to a grammar instead”. It’s amazing how many people think that everyone has access to a grammar school.

HotChocolateNotCocoa · 04/03/2024 14:59

Peeppuandpopo · 04/03/2024 12:16

‘We moved north, much bigger house and mortgage free, amazing quality of life, brilliant schools, would never move back’. Blah, blah, blah…
Yep, probs cos you moved to one of the desirable areas up here, but good on you for taking one for the team 🙄

Or the “We moved out of London for more space, a garden and a smaller mortgage, but now we’ve realised we haven’t got a huge variety of restaurants and leisure activities on our doorstep, or the Tube, connections to other cities, major airports and a 24/7 night bus service and we’re starting to wonder if we’ve made the right choice” posts.

Yeah, who knew attractive market towns in the Midlands might be slightly short on facilities by comparison?

KarmaCaramello · 04/03/2024 15:05

-"DH earns 6 squillion, AMA" - and when asked why they've bothered to start a thread, replying with wide eyed earnestness that "they just thought people would be interested" and that "they had no idea people would be upset"

MasterBeth · 04/03/2024 15:46

DerekFaker · 04/03/2024 11:26

Except it wouldn't be two days would it? It would be months or years ago if it was a zombie thread.

Posters who are very literal-minded and need posts to be labelled LIGHTHEARTED before they consider they might be lighthearted.

RampantIvy · 04/03/2024 16:00

KarmaCaramello · 04/03/2024 15:05

-"DH earns 6 squillion, AMA" - and when asked why they've bothered to start a thread, replying with wide eyed earnestness that "they just thought people would be interested" and that "they had no idea people would be upset"

I never click on those stealth boast threads.
I don't earn huge amounts, but I have a job that gives me a perfect work life balance. I love what I do and work with some lovely people.

clairelouwho · 04/03/2024 16:16

Posters who respond to an OP in an aggressive, antagonistic fashion off the bat acting offended when the OP responds to them in kind and then playing themselves off as the reasonable, "innocent" party and making out that the OP's reaction to them proves how unreasonable they are.

People who drip-feed. If the context matters to the story and will inform the responses-put it in the OP. Drip-feeding just makes it seem like you've seen the responses, not liked them and are trying desperately to shovel more information in to flip the script.

YouOKHun · 04/03/2024 16:39

@KarmaCaramello yes, I saw that thread too. I’ve often found the AMA threads really interesting when they are about someone’s unusual job, life changing experience, wisdom or learning from something or expertise, but I’m not convinced that “my household income is £x AMA” really has anything to tell the rest of us whether we are richer or poorer or the same income level as the OP. It smacks of “let me dazzle the little people with my DH’s income and the choices it gives me”. As for the incredulity at causing upset; they are either out of touch, insensitive to just how much people are struggling or have a misplaced idea that high earnings and high outgoings mean they have the same worries and juggling act as someone on a low income - they really don’t.

It reminds me of the kind of threads that irritate me “I earn £x, is it enough to live on?” Firstly, who knows? Depends on your expenses, location, attitudes etc. also these threads just encourage responses coloured by the income, expenses, location and attitudes of the responder. No one is any the wiser about the OP’s financial situation at the end of it all.

In the case of “DH earns eleven billionty pounds a year AMA” I just can’t think of anything to ask as it’s entirely irrelevant to my life and just not very interesting to read the revelation that they have an income and outgoings and cut their cloth accordingly, as that’s what most of us are doing anyway (at whatever income level). I could start a thread saying “I put the bins out on a Tuesday night AMA”, it wouldn’t have any less relevance really.

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