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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is not a date

65 replies

Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 16:23

Boss has asked me to dinner.

I've said yes as I enjoy his company. We are both single.

There was no weird atmosphere when he asked me. We were chatting and he said he'd like to talk more but in a meeting wasn't the best place to do it. We should go out for dinner.

We get on.

We've never flirted. We do discuss some shared interests and I do joke with him more than my colleagues do.

I have worked with him for 5 months.

When he asked I didn't think it was a date.

He said he wanted to go somewhere nice. He is renowned for normally being very unfussy about food.

He has not as far as I know taken any of the others for dinner. But the majority of them are in their first job...v young.

YABU...this could well be some sort of date
YANBU...this is clearly not a date

OP posts:
IncognitoUsername · 25/02/2024 16:25

Depends what he wants to talk to you about really.

RawBloomers · 25/02/2024 16:28

Hard to say for sure, but from your description of how you get on it sounds more like mentoring than dating.

Sugarfish · 25/02/2024 16:30

It’s hard to tell, what time is the dinner? Straight after work I would say it’s just dinner. 9pm on a Saturday night sounds more like a date time. To be honest it does sound like the classic boss asking out their female staff in the hope of something more thing.

Try suggesting making it a team night out and see how he reacts?

ParrotPirouette · 25/02/2024 16:30

I think it’s a date. He wants to talk to you about how much he likes you.

AfterTheWatershed · 25/02/2024 16:32

What are your ages? Sorry to be cynical, he might be looking for an opportunity to try it on.

Spinet · 25/02/2024 16:33

What if it is a date?

EricaJohns · 25/02/2024 16:33

As I'm not your boss, I can't possibly tell you what he actually thinks.

As a stranger in the internet looking in, I would strongly advise setting clear boundaries with him now before any dinner otherwise it's opening up all kinds of awkwardness in real life and work life.

DistingusedSocialCommentator · 25/02/2024 16:34

Very rarely can a male ad a female of certain age can just be good friend

OP - how old are you and him
do you or he have an OH?

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 16:34

Thanks.

We do have team nights out already...honestly not keen on another one!

I'm older than him. So I don't and wouldn't feel pressured or uncomfortable. I also just think men tend to prefer younger woman.

Dinner would be 7.30 with him picking me up and dropping me off

OP posts:
tomago · 25/02/2024 16:35

Depends if he's wanting to divulge work info he shouldn't be

tomago · 25/02/2024 16:35

Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 16:34

Thanks.

We do have team nights out already...honestly not keen on another one!

I'm older than him. So I don't and wouldn't feel pressured or uncomfortable. I also just think men tend to prefer younger woman.

Dinner would be 7.30 with him picking me up and dropping me off

That's a date then. If it was simply straight from the office to a casual food place then I'd say it could go both ways.

Aviee · 25/02/2024 16:36

Yeah. That's a date.

LoobyDop · 25/02/2024 16:37

If you want it to be a mentoring thing rather than a date, suggest you bring it forward so you go straight from work, and don’t get changed before you go. Also no lifts- part company at the restaurant and make your own way home.

Candleabra · 25/02/2024 16:38

If he wanted to talk to you further about work he could/should have rescheduled a meeting in work hours,
It’s a date. Or more likely, he wants to sleep with you and this is a casual blurring of boundaries then it’ll be oops we’ve ended up sleeping together after a work meeting we should keep that secret.
If it was a proper out in the open date he’d have asked you out properly.

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 16:38

Possible he wants to talk some work things in confidence. Not so much things he shouldn't divulge as perhaps some context or history that's nuanced.

Possible he's just a bit bored and fancies some company. I too can be at a loose end some weekday nights.

He is always very nice to me. Not in a creepy way. Just genuinely very nice. He has complimented many things about me. But likewise when I've made mistakes he has shown his frustration...so pretty much just a nice boss.

OP posts:
Wafflethewonderdoggy · 25/02/2024 16:40

I think it may not be a date, but if it isn’t surely he must be aware it could be construed as a date?

betterangels · 25/02/2024 16:40

Yeah, that's a date.

manysausages · 25/02/2024 16:41

Would you like it to be a date?

betterangels · 25/02/2024 16:42

LoobyDop · 25/02/2024 16:37

If you want it to be a mentoring thing rather than a date, suggest you bring it forward so you go straight from work, and don’t get changed before you go. Also no lifts- part company at the restaurant and make your own way home.

Agree with this. That would be different.

Stormbornform · 25/02/2024 16:43

I guess you'll find out. If he asks to kiss you it's a date!

DistingusedSocialCommentator · 25/02/2024 16:43

Reading the newer posts since posting and thinking laterally - could this be a one night stand that turned into a few nights stand and he has a history of this?
The only way to fid out is to ask someone you trust who has bee there for a to longer than you

Hercisback · 25/02/2024 16:43

Does it matter if it is a date?

Wishihadanalgorithm · 25/02/2024 16:44

Do you want it to be a date or not?

Zanatdy · 25/02/2024 16:44

Sounds like a date to me. Enjoy!

AfterTheWatershed · 25/02/2024 16:45

Just be careful OP, don’t drink and just be aware of the possibility of drink spiking and things like that. Obviously I don’t know this person but if you’re getting bad vibes just call it off.

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