Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is not a date

65 replies

Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 16:23

Boss has asked me to dinner.

I've said yes as I enjoy his company. We are both single.

There was no weird atmosphere when he asked me. We were chatting and he said he'd like to talk more but in a meeting wasn't the best place to do it. We should go out for dinner.

We get on.

We've never flirted. We do discuss some shared interests and I do joke with him more than my colleagues do.

I have worked with him for 5 months.

When he asked I didn't think it was a date.

He said he wanted to go somewhere nice. He is renowned for normally being very unfussy about food.

He has not as far as I know taken any of the others for dinner. But the majority of them are in their first job...v young.

YABU...this could well be some sort of date
YANBU...this is clearly not a date

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 25/02/2024 16:45

Can't be sure. No enough information. How often do you go for dinner and how long?

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 16:45

@manysausages I suppose that is what I'm now considering!! I would like to get to know him better.

I suppose the ideal for me is that it isn't two hours of intense work chat and we have a fun time but also that he doesn't turn up with red roses and a packet of condoms!!

OP posts:
IntriguingFactJumble · 25/02/2024 16:46

Agree with pps. Arrange straight after work, no getting changed, no pickup. Then if he makes it weird you can leave before it goes far enough to make the job untenable. Better to have a job with a good boss than an awkward quickie?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/02/2024 16:47

Sounds like a date

Glipsy · 25/02/2024 16:50

How much older are you?

what kind of job is it? It’s not really on to date people you line manage but if you’re similar ages and it’s not a ‘career’ type job that kind of mitigates it. If you’re his assistant in an office culture type job it absolutely shouldn’t be a date

SmashedPrawnsInAMilkyBasket · 25/02/2024 16:51

Going home first makes it not-work in my book. And if he has sensitive things to impart, you could go to lunch or coffee during the day, or just book a meeting room. This is a date. Wildly unprofessional, and even if he claims he doesn’t think of it as a date, the optics will be off with others in the team, and will lead to the wrong sort of speculation. And if he says to keep it secret, even worse! Why risk both of your professional reputations?

EricaJohns · 25/02/2024 17:03

Why don't you just ask him?

I don't understand why you would start this but not ask the only person on earth who can give you the answer.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 25/02/2024 17:07

I’d say he probably does fancy you, but since being on MN I’ve realised it might just be the circles I move in that gives me that impression when a man asks a woman for alone time together 🤣

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 17:10

EricaJohns · 25/02/2024 17:03

Why don't you just ask him?

I don't understand why you would start this but not ask the only person on earth who can give you the answer.

Hahaha. Fair.

I'm not going to contact him on a weekend though as that's rather dramatic and odd and he only asked me on Friday.

I'm not going to ask him but figure I will be able to work out from his behaviour next week HOWEVER I am in training in another office all day tomorrow so won't speak to him.

And I'm feeling that another couple of days is too long to wait now I've started wondering!

OP posts:
gould · 25/02/2024 17:20

You're going on a date with your boss and he's dressed it up as something else

How can you not see this?

Have you heard the saying about doorsteps and shitting?

When your colleagues find out expect to be treated differently by them and not in a good way as they will no longer speak openly to you

Aubree17 · 25/02/2024 17:24

Go. Have a good time.

Feels like a date 😬

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 17:26

gould · 25/02/2024 17:20

You're going on a date with your boss and he's dressed it up as something else

How can you not see this?

Have you heard the saying about doorsteps and shitting?

When your colleagues find out expect to be treated differently by them and not in a good way as they will no longer speak openly to you

I've told one colleague who couldn't care less.

They certainly won't stop speaking to me for going to a dinner with my boss which is the only activity that has been broached or considered.

I also don't think at all obvious that this is a date. I very often want for drinks with two previous bosses (both single, one male and one female). In neither case was romance or sex on the agenda. Simply two people who get on socialising. In both cases it was no secret at all neither have I at any point said this would be! Calm down please.

OP posts:
EricaJohns · 25/02/2024 17:34

Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 17:10

Hahaha. Fair.

I'm not going to contact him on a weekend though as that's rather dramatic and odd and he only asked me on Friday.

I'm not going to ask him but figure I will be able to work out from his behaviour next week HOWEVER I am in training in another office all day tomorrow so won't speak to him.

And I'm feeling that another couple of days is too long to wait now I've started wondering!

Show quote history

Fair enough. I couldn't not ask.

I've never been one for all that kind of nonsense.
Sitting by the phone waiting for a call from a boy... Nah, just call the twat.
Wondering if he likes me or not or if he wants to see me again and agonising.. nah fuck that, ask the twat.
Ooo he hasn't called and we went out last night and I don't know if I should call because I might look desperate but if I don't I'll never know and if he doesn't call and I don't call then what will happen?... FUCK THAT.. call the ass hat.

All the second guessing and trying to figure it out and blah blah blah blah blah diddly doo diddly doo diddly doo is all bollocks that can be solved by a single call or text or email.

Diidlysquat · 25/02/2024 17:36

Don’t say anything to him and just go for dinner.
Think you may embarrass yourself by asking - what if he says no the thought never entered my head 🙈.

DojaPhat · 25/02/2024 17:39

Of course if this all suits you then have at it but this doesn't sound like a typical day in the office to anyone who's never shagged their boss.

Why are you telling posters to 'calm down' as though what you've described is in any way typical. Your post pretty much outlines a good working relationship between you and your boss, that you say you're both single indicates that there is a part of you that realises that if any of you were in a relationship dinner at a nice restaurant would be questionable at worst.

Of course if I had a colleague with such a close working relationship with my manager who also happened to be getting into the swing of nice dinners I'd think WTF.

jeaux90 · 25/02/2024 17:40

Don't ask him. Just go.

CharmedCult · 25/02/2024 17:47

Possible he wants to talk some work things in confidence. Possible he's just a bit bored and fancies some company.

Funny, it’s never Keith from Accounts that these bosses ask out because they want to talk work outside of work, or fancy their company, offering to pick them up from home and drop them off afterwards.

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 17:49

DojaPhat · 25/02/2024 17:39

Of course if this all suits you then have at it but this doesn't sound like a typical day in the office to anyone who's never shagged their boss.

Why are you telling posters to 'calm down' as though what you've described is in any way typical. Your post pretty much outlines a good working relationship between you and your boss, that you say you're both single indicates that there is a part of you that realises that if any of you were in a relationship dinner at a nice restaurant would be questionable at worst.

Of course if I had a colleague with such a close working relationship with my manager who also happened to be getting into the swing of nice dinners I'd think WTF.

No. If either of us were in a relationship then it obviously wouldn't be a date!!

I've also been to Valentine's Dinner on Valentine's day with a third previous boss...and his wife.

I am sorry but dining alone with a boss is something I've frequently done. I've never kissed one! If that's not the case for you, fair is fair!

OP posts:
ThisHonestQuail · 25/02/2024 17:51

It’s not a date.. yet! It definitely seems like he wants to get to know you on a personal level rather than work.

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 17:51

CharmedCult · 25/02/2024 17:47

Possible he wants to talk some work things in confidence. Possible he's just a bit bored and fancies some company.

Funny, it’s never Keith from Accounts that these bosses ask out because they want to talk work outside of work, or fancy their company, offering to pick them up from home and drop them off afterwards.

To be fair he used to go out a lot with Keith from Accounts. But six months ago Keith's wife had a baby and now Keith doesn't go out much.

There are much more attractive women at work than me. In fact I'd say I was the least attractive!

OP posts:
Jennyjojo5 · 25/02/2024 17:52

I highly suspect, from the way you are writing this, that you want us all to tell you that this is most definitely a date 😉

CharmedCult · 25/02/2024 17:55

He has not as far as I know taken any of the others for dinner.

To be fair he used to go out a lot with Keith from Accounts. But six months ago Keith's wife had a baby and now Keith doesn't go out much.

Ok. Good luck on your fantasy date.

Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 17:56

ThisHonestQuail · 25/02/2024 17:51

It’s not a date.. yet! It definitely seems like he wants to get to know you on a personal level rather than work.

Yes. I think this is the case.

So I need to think where my boundaries are and what I'm happy discussing and what I'm not happy discussing.

It isn't that he is trying to seduce me that worried me but that I might reveal things about myself that impact his perception of me professionally.

I'm happy to get to know him better but there need to be parameters around that and what time it is or what anyone wears or who picks who up matters less than being clear in advance of what topics are off the table. (For example a sibling committed suicide...I was in a physically abusive relationship...neither of those are things I wish to share outside a close relationship).

This has all helped. Sorry if I've frustrated some.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mangococktail · 25/02/2024 18:02

Jennyjojo5 · 25/02/2024 17:52

I highly suspect, from the way you are writing this, that you want us all to tell you that this is most definitely a date 😉

I think I'd rather on the whole it wasn't. But if it is I'd just like it to be a very tentative one.

I have never felt less physically attractive than I am right now and whilst we do get on he's never given any indication of fancying me.

Likewise I don't fancy him but I do like him a lot.

I'm a bit confused.

OP posts:
BronwenTheBrave · 25/02/2024 18:04

He is a man. He will try and shag you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread