To think this school mum is an asshole

[Fedupmate78]

Son is 10 his two best friends are lovely kids. The three of them have been chums from year 2. Friend As mum is always the planner and we always got on very well. She used to take my son quite a lot for play dates when she was able and I was always so appreciative of it and I always returned the invites but she preferred to have them at her house as it also entertained her younger two. However she never would have brought friend C just my son and would tell my son to let on you friend C he wasn't going to theirs etc. when I had the boys for play dates I would always bring friend C as I wouldn't leave a child out like that. Anyway the last year the play dates have dried up but I didn't think much of it people are busy etc. i would still have the three to ours once a month or bring them out.

well it turns out the play dates haven't stopped she is now bringing friend C who tells my son all about it not being nasty he is just a very open kid. I'm really stuck on what to do I last had them here two weeks ago but now I just feel like not doing it anymore. I find it nasty this segregating them and always leaving one out. Am I taking it too personal or is it a bit nasty? I wont say anything because obviously people can bring to their houses whoever they like

Your post is hard to read but maybe her child has a better friendship now with the other child?

That is a bit off op and I don’t think I would like it either. I guess though if your son enjoys his company I wouldn’t like to stop that purely out of annoyance as such. Kids can be fickle but it is a little mean.

I wouldn’t overthink it. Just carry on being your usual lovely self and do the usual play dates at your house and support your ds if he’s upset about being left out.

YANBU. Can you invite other kids for playdates?

She sounds like she's never grown out of being a mean girl. If the boys get on together I would still carry on as it's not their fault that this mum is a twat. Just keep an eye that no bullying is going on.

Maybe she finds it too much ti have more than one child at a time? You say she has two younger children. 4 in total is maybe her limit?

Maybe she just doesn’t want two guests at once?

The idea that play dates always need to be perfectly evenly reciprocated is exhausting. Invite who you want, when you want, to your own home. Accept or decline invitations you receive. Other than that, don’t give it any further thought.

She could simply explain that they have to take it in turns going to hers rather than making them keep secrets and leaving one out.

He has another friend he has went on and on at me to invite over but I've been a bit hesitant because I didn't want to leave the other two out (they wouldn't be friendly with this kid and he and my son do actually have more in common). She is the one who goes on about how lucky the three are to have each other such good mates then is the one that leaves one out I just have found it very odd and a bit hurtful as me and her were very friendly too

I understand the just having one at a time but she hasn't actually invited my son all this school year so far but has had the other kid a good bit. She keeps saying oh they can come to mine next and never happens but only brings the other boy

Fuck that! Invite the other boy, leave these other 2 boys out. They’re happy to leave your son out!

It’s good to have separate friendships, it will encourage independence for your son.

You owe the other two boys nothing.

You were not concerned when it was the other way round though was you?

Oh. Ok, well as they’re 10 and you like them both, I’d just keep inviting them over. At some point soon the play dates will be much more child led than parent led!

Tbh it did bother me but I can't tell people who to invite I just always made sure I didn't leave him out.

I think YABU. Maybe her son says he feels left out of the group at times and she's trying to foster a relationship with both other parties independently to "strengthen his position" (for want of a better phrase) in the group of 3.

Two is company…three is a crowd. Just a shame this is being peddled by the mother.

I find the best advice for playdates is you do you and don't worry too much about what other people are doing. It may be that the other boy is asking for C or that there is some other explanation.

I would just do what suits your son. Have playdates to help his friendships rather than anything else. If he wants to have this boy over, invite him. If he'd prefer C and another child, do that. Friendships change.

I have to say I don't consider it wrong to invite one friend over and not all the friends at once. I've never come across that before.

Your son has a friend who has a horrible mother. You don’t need to do anything

The 3 do have a lovely friendship I think I just feel a bit sad that even though the other mum says she loves their friendship...she is making one feel left out.

I do think the other two do have more in common than my son again which is fine and there's not much can be done there they have their own interests but it's never affected their friendship before. I will keep inviting them to ours though my son enjoys it and he does count them as his best friends for now

Play dates for 10 year olds is that the norm now i thought at that age they begin to find their own friends.
Not being nasty just a general question.

It's just these two friends he would have 'play dates' with they come over and game and play football. His friends from the neighbourhood he just calls for and they go to the park or in to each others houses. He has other friends not just these two so he isn't lonely at weekends but I just feel crap for him that he's left out a lot now

Tbh, as said above, it might be a bit overwhelming having four children at once, and so she just gives her ds the decision on who he wants, and sounds like maybe he chooses the other boy over yours. You can’t really force him to choose someone other than who he wants to play with. This situation will probably change anyway in a few months when they transition to secondary school, as play dates just aren’t a thing then.

My take is she didn’t get to be one of the middle school mean girls, so she’s playing out that fantasy now, through her kid.

Generally normal to just have one friend over at a time.