Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this school mum is an asshole

55 replies

Fedupmate78 · 24/02/2024 20:37

Son is 10 his two best friends are lovely kids. The three of them have been chums from year 2. Friend As mum is always the planner and we always got on very well. She used to take my son quite a lot for play dates when she was able and I was always so appreciative of it and I always returned the invites but she preferred to have them at her house as it also entertained her younger two. However she never would have brought friend C just my son and would tell my son to let on you friend C he wasn't going to theirs etc. when I had the boys for play dates I would always bring friend C as I wouldn't leave a child out like that. Anyway the last year the play dates have dried up but I didn't think much of it people are busy etc. i would still have the three to ours once a month or bring them out.

well it turns out the play dates haven't stopped she is now bringing friend C who tells my son all about it not being nasty he is just a very open kid. I'm really stuck on what to do I last had them here two weeks ago but now I just feel like not doing it anymore. I find it nasty this segregating them and always leaving one out. Am I taking it too personal or is it a bit nasty? I wont say anything because obviously people can bring to their houses whoever they like

OP posts:
GauntJudy · 24/02/2024 23:08

This wouldn't bother me. Kids friendships change with the wind, invite the other kid (the one thats not part of the group) over and give that friendship a chance to bloom.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 24/02/2024 23:14

Flyeeeeer · 24/02/2024 22:25

Two is company…three is a crowd. Just a shame this is being peddled by the mother.

This - all day long. I would rather my child had ome or three friends over - never two

Figgygal · 24/02/2024 23:20

You were complicit with friend c being left out for however long when your ds was being invited round so bit rich to be bothered now its the other way round

KrisAkabusi · 24/02/2024 23:38

I can't see she's doing anything wrong. She just wants one child at a time invited over. This doesn't make her cruel or a bitch.

LizFromMotherland · 24/02/2024 23:44

The kids are 10 now, it's time to step back.

If the other friend really wanted both your son and friend C together on a playdate, I'm sure he'd make that perfectly clear to his mum.

He's being allowed to choose so I think your child should be allowed to do the same thing.

northstars · 25/02/2024 08:04

I’m also very surprised you are so involved in planning your 10 year old’s “playdates”! My 10 year old tells me what she wants to do, and would be mortified if I called it a “playdate”. Take a step (or several steps) back, let your DC figure it out.

northstars · 25/02/2024 08:06

Also agree with PP that you didn’t have a problem with this mum as long as your child was the one being invited!

WandaWonder · 25/02/2024 08:06

northstars · 25/02/2024 08:04

I’m also very surprised you are so involved in planning your 10 year old’s “playdates”! My 10 year old tells me what she wants to do, and would be mortified if I called it a “playdate”. Take a step (or several steps) back, let your DC figure it out.

All of this, op ot seems you are back in the playground yourself

Just step back and don't pit your drama's on to your child

Lovingitallnow · 25/02/2024 08:13

I think it's strange he's at you to have a different friend over but you don't want to leave out A and C. How must that child's mother be feeling.....

You havnt mentioned how your son feels about the whole thing.

Plumtop11 · 25/02/2024 08:19

I would remind yourself why you do the play dates in the first place, because of the kids. So I'd carry on and try not to give it much thought. Not nice though from her but not the kids fault

SgtJuneAckland · 25/02/2024 08:25

For those saying it's odd she's involved. Surely if your ten year old wants to have friends over you have to be involved, firstly for permission, then to make sure they can get home, be fed if needed etc. I'd be very annoyed if my DC just invited friends round on a whim at that age without my involvement.
OP let your son foster the other friendship, it might just be that mum says you can only have one friend over at a time because she has two other children and more than 4 DC in the house at once is a lot. The boy used to choose your son and now chooses the other boy because as you've said they have more in common. Don't get too hung up on it

carelesser · 25/02/2024 08:26

Fedupmate78 · 24/02/2024 22:51

It's just these two friends he would have 'play dates' with they come over and game and play football. His friends from the neighbourhood he just calls for and they go to the park or in to each others houses. He has other friends not just these two so he isn't lonely at weekends but I just feel crap for him that he's left out a lot now

Show quote history

But you could help him by letting him invite the other boy for a playdate.

You seem more bothered by your friendships with this woman and hurting her than your son.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/02/2024 08:29

Goldbar · 24/02/2024 22:33

I find the best advice for playdates is you do you and don't worry too much about what other people are doing. It may be that the other boy is asking for C or that there is some other explanation.

I would just do what suits your son. Have playdates to help his friendships rather than anything else. If he wants to have this boy over, invite him. If he'd prefer C and another child, do that. Friendships change.

This is excellent advice.

northstars · 25/02/2024 08:29

SgtJuneAckland · 25/02/2024 08:25

For those saying it's odd she's involved. Surely if your ten year old wants to have friends over you have to be involved, firstly for permission, then to make sure they can get home, be fed if needed etc. I'd be very annoyed if my DC just invited friends round on a whim at that age without my involvement.
OP let your son foster the other friendship, it might just be that mum says you can only have one friend over at a time because she has two other children and more than 4 DC in the house at once is a lot. The boy used to choose your son and now chooses the other boy because as you've said they have more in common. Don't get too hung up on it

Edited

Of course parents need to be involved for giving permission and for logistics 🙄this OP is well beyond that point though and actively trying to arrange “playdates” for her 10 year old, there is a big difference.

youmustrememberthis · 25/02/2024 08:32

MumMumMumMumMumMumMum · 24/02/2024 20:39

Your post is hard to read but maybe her child has a better friendship now with the other child?

I don't get how it's hard to read? It's perfectly fine same as most OPs

SaltySoo · 25/02/2024 08:34

KrisAkabusi · 24/02/2024 23:38

I can't see she's doing anything wrong. She just wants one child at a time invited over. This doesn't make her cruel or a bitch.

Me neither.

If she had always invited two boys and now she invited only one then maybe you would have a point. But she hasn't.

I don't see how it's her fault.

She's just having the child over her son wants to play with.

StrictlyJowita · 25/02/2024 08:37

I find it nasty this segregating them and always leaving one out. Am I taking it too personal or is it a bit nasty?

Yes, you are taking it too personally. A ten year old boy is asking his friend over to his house to play.

His mother isn't an asshole for that. And it's not segregation.

Redlarge · 25/02/2024 08:52

I hate having more than one child over at a time. I only have one unless special occasion.

Booksbythebed · 25/02/2024 09:13

It sounds like the mothers are arranging playdates still so its not the other boys leaving him out.

My 10 year old is friends with 3 other boys, he ends up playing with one or two of them a lot more since they are more avalable. He also has some friends outside of this group too who he plays with a bit less often.

There is nothing wrong with having friendships with other boys, absolutely invite this other kid over.

zingally · 25/02/2024 09:59

I think you're over-thinking it.

Maybe her son (and her other kids) get on better with friend C than yours these days. That's normal - friendships fluctuate.
Perhaps she's only ever been comfortable with having one extra child in the house at a time, for whatever reason - that's her business. And if friend C is the current favourite, so be it.

You can't stop that mum making it weird. But it sounds like she's always been up for leaving one friend out... and it didn't really bother you until it was YOUR son.

All you can do is keep inviting both boys as you always have done. It sounds like they are all still friends anyway.

TinyYellow · 25/02/2024 10:03

She’s probably just told her son he can choose a friend to have over and recently he’s chosen friend C over your son. That doesn’t mean she’s deliberately trying to leave a child out.

BobbyBiscuits · 25/02/2024 10:07

This does seem sad. If your son had fallen out with the others then I'd get it but otherwise it seems a bit off. You say this Mum always used to exclude child C from the playdates, i.e she seemed to only want one kid at the house at a time? I can't quite work out why to be honest. At this age there's a chance they have drifted apart to an extent. Surely the Mum wouldn't be controlling who he has round to such an extent at that age? But you never know.
Can you not just ask your kid invite both A and C round to yours? If he still really is close friends with them.

ilovebreadsauce · 25/02/2024 10:38

FawnFrenchieMum · 24/02/2024 20:51

You were not concerned when it was the other way round though was you?

Show quote history

This

Justkeepswimmingswimming · 25/02/2024 10:42

Fedupmate78 · 24/02/2024 20:47

I understand the just having one at a time but she hasn't actually invited my son all this school year so far but has had the other kid a good bit. She keeps saying oh they can come to mine next and never happens but only brings the other boy

How many times have you invited her son round this year? But surely at this age it’s up to her son who she invites?

Propertylover · 25/02/2024 10:56

I would mix it up sometimes invite the two, sometimes the other boy.