To expect him not to eye somebody else up in front of me

[friendtodinosaurs]

For context, I've been in a previous relationship that ended with me finding out id been cheated on several times within the space of 3 years.

A few nights ago, my partner and I went into our nearest city for some drinks to celebrate a friend's promotion. We were all at a bar chatting - some had had more to drink than others. My OH whispered to a friend and visibly looked a very pretty girl (not one we knew) up and down in a very obvious way. I mentioned it in passing later on and the response I got was "I expect you do it all the time and I wouldn't make a deal out of it. I can't only be attracted to you, look at you".

AIBU to be upset about this? He's emphatically said he would never cheat on me and sober says he doesn't look at other people like that (??). He seems to have forgotten the whole conversation but it's burst my happy bubble. Am I being ridiculous?

Very disrespectful. What did he mean by ‘look at you?’

You're being ridiculous to think that he isn't attracted to anyone else. He was silly to say that he only found you attractive. He was sleazy for commenting on another woman while out with you - even if you weren't next to him.

It would turn me off him. Women aren't pieces of meat to be eyed up by drunken letches.

I'd seriously end the relationship - he's not even apologetic. He's justifying it, which tells you he's a creep.

Wandering eyes are often followed by wandering hands, in my experience. I’d consider this a deal breaker.

I think it's the 'look at you' that hurt me the most really. Just looking somebody up and down like that isn't something I'd expect from him but that part is what hurt. I'm not saying in any way that I'm the most beautiful person on earth but until now he has always made me feel like that so maybe that's way this has shocked me a bit.

Wow.
GET.
TURNED
OFF.

Cheek of him, he didn't just look. He said something (no doubt sexist) to another man. And then said "look at you" to you as though you're disgusting.

How soon can you dump him.

YANBU.
He's disgusting and disrespectful in equal measures.

Of course people are attracted to other people, I'm not daft and am of course attracted to Harry Styles the issue here for me was that it was right in front of my eyes and the comment afterwards that upset me.

Did he mean 'I can't only be attracted to you, [I can't only] look at you'?

The eyeing up and whispers would give me the ick.

yuk, get rid. His comment was awful.

It was more of a separate sentence - I can't only be attracted to you. Look at you.

Vom, he sounds like a pig. So immature and disrespectful to remark on another woman at all, let alone in front of you.

It would be over for me after that. He sounds vile.

If only! We're 30, over 3 years together

Looking other women up and down in your company is disrespectful, and comparing you to them unfavourably is worse still.

The lack of respect for you is terrible, especially the 'look at you' comment. It's unforgiveable, in my opinion. That sounds like he was being intentionally cruel. There are better men out there.

Did he really make you think you were rhe most beautiful woman on earth. Like you thought that? And thought he thought that?

Ick, ick, ick

He is out of order on all levels. I wouldn't forgive the "Look at you" assuming it was meant like you're not that attractive.
He's completely disrespectful. I don't think he's a keeper to be honest. Not for me anyway.

I could potentially forgive the stare at the other woman. Men are after all simple creatures.

But the 'look at you' - basically 'you ain't all that', no. So rude. Defensive, deflecting and rude.

That contemptuous “look at you” would be the end for me. It sounds as though he feels he can “do better”, so let him try (and fail miserably).