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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honeymoon fund

80 replies

Silvesterthecat · 23/02/2024 20:32

Please can I ask what you all think is an appropriate amount as a wedding present where the couple have asked for a donation to a honeymoon fund?

Partner and I invited all day and evening, lovely country house style wedding, very close friends with the bride, mid 40’s and affluent enough although not a lot spare each month and the couple saved hard for a special day

i was thinking £100, does this sound enough?

OP posts:
woooaaaahhhhh · 23/02/2024 20:33

We earn around 80k between us and are giving £50 to dh cousin when they get married this year

chiwwy · 23/02/2024 20:34

£100 is plenty and very generous.

WaitingfortheTardis · 23/02/2024 20:36

Yes very generous, £50 would be enough.

mrsbyers · 23/02/2024 20:36

I’d give £100

Bumble84 · 23/02/2024 20:37

£100 is normal I think where I am. I personally think £50 is a bit stingy for 2 people at an all day wedding.

telestrations · 23/02/2024 20:38

I would give £100 if from both of us based on £50 per head for catering, rentals, drinks etc.

Bushmillsbabe · 23/02/2024 20:39

At my husbands cousins wedding we just gave £200, but very close to them and it was quite a lavish wedding. Our starting point is generally £100 but varies based on
-how close we are to them

  • how lavish the wedding is and whether invited to day or just evening
  • if its just us or also our girls invited
  • if we have roles in the wedding - our youngest was a flowergirl at this one so gave more as they bought her dress and shoes.
justwantobeamum · 23/02/2024 20:40

£100 for a couple all day invite is the norm here too. When I was skint on Mat leave for a less close friend we gave £80.

Mumsanetta · 23/02/2024 20:40

I think I usually go for £50.

Zanatdy · 23/02/2024 20:40

Yes £100 sounds right for a very close friend, maybe a token gift if you like too (I got my brother and SIL a nice chopping board with the date on which I’m sure some will rubbish here but it was nice, and a wooden frame engraved with date). It was a wedding abroad so didn’t cost as much as a country house and we had to fly out etc but my brother so gave £100 and the £25 ish worth of personalised gifts

Dearg · 23/02/2024 20:46

Only since joining MN hav I learned that I should factor in what it cost the couple to have me as a guest at their wedding. Not saying it’s wrong but it seems a bit transactional.

I tend to buy from the list/ as requested, based on how close I am to the couple and how much I can afford.

Anyway £100 is a nice amount imo.

Original poster
Silvesterthecat · 23/02/2024 20:58

Thank you. I was thinking that it’s cost a lot for the couple to host us, so in don’t want to appear cheap or ungrateful. I was thinking £200 would be nice on that reckoning but I honestly can’t afford that. She’s one of my best friends and the wedding means a lot to us all

OP posts:
chiwwy · 23/02/2024 21:01

She will be chuffed with a £100.

If she’s a good friend she’ll know that there are other costs associated with weddings (outfits, travel, accommodation, etc)

BarrelOfOtters · 23/02/2024 21:03

I’d say £150, £75 each. But 8m sure she’ll be chuffed with £100.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/02/2024 21:05

So much is going to depend on what you can afford, but I’d have thought £100 was fine. It’s what we gave at the last wedding we attended - groom was son of a cousin I like but rarely see any more.
Just attending a wedding usually costs quite a bit anyway.

Mazuslongtoenail · 23/02/2024 21:08

I disagree with giving more when the wedding is lavish. You’re not buying a ticket, you’re sharing a special day with someone.

I would base it on closeness to the couple and if I had a role.

fleurneige · 23/02/2024 21:10

chiwwy · 23/02/2024 20:34

£100 is plenty and very generous.

We are invited to an informal wedding, celebration and informal meal after. We will give £100.

But honestly, if it was a posh wedding in nice location and nice meal, as for the OP, £100 will only cover cost, so if you can, give £150 so there is a bit extra.

Dacadactyl · 23/02/2024 21:12

I'd go for 200 tbh unless I was particularly hard up at the minute. People were giving us 100 quid for our wedding 14 years ago.

Dacadactyl · 23/02/2024 21:14

Sorry, just read your 2nd post. If I couldn't afford it and it was a close friend, I'd expect her to know money was tight for me and I'd just give what I could.

DillDanding · 23/02/2024 21:14

We always give £100. But I think it’s grabby and vulgar to ask for cash.

puzzledout · 23/02/2024 21:15

Dacadactyl · 23/02/2024 21:12

I'd go for 200 tbh unless I was particularly hard up at the minute. People were giving us 100 quid for our wedding 14 years ago.

You cannot be serious.... £200!!!

Bigcat25 · 23/02/2024 21:15

I would do probably do around 150.

chiwwy · 23/02/2024 21:16

OP has clearly said she can’t afford more than £100 so people should be sensitive to that.

Dacadactyl · 23/02/2024 21:16

puzzledout · 23/02/2024 21:15

You cannot be serious.... £200!!!

Show quote history

I'm deadly serious. For a close friend's wedding, at the point I'm at now in my life, 100%.

When we were poorer (I was a SAHM for yonks) and had to travel for weddings, then yes I've given less than that for sure.

ConsuelaHammock · 23/02/2024 21:17

We were giving £100 as day guests at a weddings 20 years ago. I think £150-200 today. £50 for an entire day for a couple is beyond tight.