Honeymoon fund

[Silvesterthecat]

Please can I ask what you all think is an appropriate amount as a wedding present where the couple have asked for a donation to a honeymoon fund?

Partner and I invited all day and evening, lovely country house style wedding, very close friends with the bride, mid 40’s and affluent enough although not a lot spare each month and the couple saved hard for a special day

i was thinking £100, does this sound enough?

Exactly!

clearly none of my guests went to the mumsnet school of wedding etiquette (or they don’t like us that much 😆😆🤔)

As it’s a really close friend go for £150 if you can’t afford £200
This is a very interesting thread, in my culture we only gift money at weddings and £150 is the minimum we give. For really close friends and family then it’s much, much more. Again it’s a cultural thing and completely up to the individual how much to give as the gift can be given anonymously (think envelope with cash)

Are you married and did she attend your wedding? Or, are you planning to get married soon?
In our culture (not British, admittedly) it would be seen as rude to gift £100 if the couple in question gifted you £100. Also if you are not married, then if you gift £150, the couple would then be expected to gift you £200 and that can be seen as too high. It is crazy I know 😅

I think £100-£125 would be appropriate considering she's your best friend. If you are a couple then £100 would be ok, but if you have children attending then usually a bit more.

We always give £100 for an all day wedding unless it's a sibling when we would offer to pay for something towards the wedding like the cake or the cash equivalent.

I didn't realise wedding gifts were recompense for being a guest at someone's wedding.
You might as well sell tickets and charge people to attend !

DH and I are going to a wedding in a few weeks time,all day invite. The groom's parents two of our closest friends. We gave £100 towards the honeymoon fund.

It's no different to having a gift list. The couple want their honeymoon as their gift.

Do you hate the idea of a gift list too? Because that's all this is. The gift they want is the honeymoon.

Wow you guys are generous! Limit I spend on wedding present is about £40-50 so that's the cash i would give if doing cash instead. It costs a lot to attend weddings.

I always want to cover the cost of my meal and then give a bit extra.
This would usually mean £200 if both me and DH invited.

It's obviously a gift though, and I wouldn't give this if we couldn't afford it.

As an aside, I find it really depends where you come from.

When we got married 10 years ago, the Irish guests gave much more than the English guests; many of whom gave £10 or £20.
We didn't care. You don't get married to make money!

I absolutely hate this idea of covering costs for a wedding and the couple making a profit. And I would hate if anyone who's invited me to a wedding is calling us stingy because we didn't pay enough to cover the day. I think £50 is fine for a wedding tbh, £100 is more than fine - weddings already a great expense for guests (outfits, hotels, drinks) without having to pay for the actual wedding too!!

I’m a chopping board person. I value the wedding gifts which were given for our first home, and which we still have. I have no idea what they cost - that wasn’t the point. At least a chopping board doesn’t have a price tag on it.

It is in most cultures

The idea is that everyone chips into everyone else's wedding and then when their time comes (or their children or grandchildren) everyone chips into theirs

I wouldn't go any higher than £100. That seems the right amount for someone close.

You might think so but that's what the majority of people do now. Every single wedding I've been invited to, they've asked for money.

I've never minded. What I do mind is not getting a thank you. Last 2 weddings we've been to we haven't recieved one.

£50 would have been an average type of present cost twenty plus years ago, so would think £100 at the very least but possibly more, depending on how close you are to the bride and groom.

I would give 200 absolute minimum but I'm in Ireland and it's different here.

Stick £50 in a card.
It's enough for a bottle of wine on their honeymoon.

I agree - you’re not gifting what it costs to host you. It’s irrelevant if it’s a quick registry office wedding with a meal at a pub or an all day event at a stately home.
You are being invited as a guest as your relationship with the bride and groom means something to them.
There is no rule as to the amount you should gift - personally I hate requests for money. If they need to ask for money to cover their honeymoon expenses, they should rethink where to go to.

Why? What happens if a guest can only afford £10 - should they decline the invitation?

If you can only afford to gift £10, I'd be surprised that you'd accept an invitation to a wedding in the first place.

Listen, if you want a £20k wedding then you save up £20k. If you can't afford to shell out £20k then you have a cheaper wedding.

Basically, you're hosting a party.

I would think a honeymoon fund is not really what they want.

What they mean is don't just give us random gifts. Please give us money only.

Calling it a honeymoon fund is a polite way of saying the above.

Many couples would already have things like crockery and toasters (traditional wedding gifts) as they often live together already.

Split the difference and go £150 (so £75 a head)

So people without much money shouldn’t go to their friends and relatives weddings?

I didn’t care if anyone gave us a wedding present - we invited them to come and celebrate with us, not to bring a present or cash.