Honeymoon fund

[Silvesterthecat]

Please can I ask what you all think is an appropriate amount as a wedding present where the couple have asked for a donation to a honeymoon fund?

Partner and I invited all day and evening, lovely country house style wedding, very close friends with the bride, mid 40’s and affluent enough although not a lot spare each month and the couple saved hard for a special day

i was thinking £100, does this sound enough?

£100 is the basic etiquette for a couple
all day

£50 for evening guests

I think £100 is a very generous amount :)

Agreed!

I'm in Ireland where the going rate is at least €250 from a couple. We gave €300 at the last 2 weddings I was at.

When we we were young and poor we once gave a very stingy amount at a wedding and I still think about it and cringe but we had no money at the time 😬

But why on earth should guests be expected to “cover the costs” of a wedding?? And therefore pay more if it’s a “lavish” wedding? That’s the choice of the couple surely - they could spend less if they chose. Why should I be expected to pay more to cover the costs of a choice I had no part in?

When did we move away from inviting people you care about to celebrate your wedding with you and gratefully accepting whatever token of affection they choose to give? Asking for money is bad enough as it is without being expected to cover costs plus a bit extra.

It’s all so depressingly transactional and loaded with judgement.

If they have 100 guests at 50 per person that's a £5k honeymoon fund that's amazing!

I would say that £100 is generous.

Sounds about right - but if £100 is a stretch £50
Is fine - if you want to give more £200 isn't ostentatious

Completely agree - we only got married 9 years ago and this type of idea was unknown - in my circle anyway.

£50 is fine and not tight at all. £100 is very generous

I'd give what I could afford and no more. People shouldn't expect to recoup what they spend on their wedding in gifts. They chose how expensive the wedding would be. By that reckoning, if a poor couple has a simple wedding, they shouldn't expect much at all as gifts, which is strange, imo. I'd give the same amount regardless of how much the couple spent. (Besides, how am I to know what they spent per head?!)

£100 is a great amount. All those say less than this or chopping boards etc are just tight!

Sorry not helpful OP but hate this idea it feels like an entry fee somewhat, I'd prefer just to be charged

How dreadful to ask for cash?

I hate this idea that you're "covering your costs". So transactional

No. They planned their wedding and knew what the cost was.

Any gifts are towards the future. Whether a new home (as gifts used to be physically for the newly wed home), a honeymoon or whatever. A separate thing to covering already spent money.

Give what you can afford. If they whinge then they're ungrateful.

I too hate the concept of asking for money and ‘covering your plate’ (especially the idea posed above that once should up the amount of it’s a lavish affair). I also hate the idea of paying towards a ‘honeymoon fund’. Book the holiday you can afford!

I don't think the idea should be to cover costs, that's got nothing to do with the gift you should give. Weddings can be quite expensive to attend considering paying for outfits, travel, hotel etc. The cost of having a guest there is because you really want them to be part of your day, not something that needs 'paying off'.

Why should it cover the cost??? They’ve been invited it’s not a ticketed event.

OP £100 is absolutely fine.

This is a whole new world to me…when did an invitation become a transaction?

It a couple were disappointed that I hadn’t ’washed my own face’ with the value of a gift, I’d be questioning why we were friends. Weddings are usually expensive and mildly inconvenient for guests.

£100 is absolutely fine.

A request for cash is pretty vulgar in itself, but that’s another thread.

Ooo so judgy.
People have different incomes.
You don't get married for the presents fgs!

Wow some of you really see a wedding as a transaction. Baffling.

Where is this written down?

EXACTLY!!!! Honestly. Makes me sad.

£80-100

What you feel comfortable with. I personally think it's grabby to ask for money, unless you are young setting up house I think £50 is fine.

We have state absolutely no gifts ourselves, we want our friends to join us not fund it!

We asked for donations to honeymoon fund when we got married in 2009. Made it clear it was very much voluntary as mainly did it as didn't want or need stuff, though the ££ certainly helped us have a lovely trip. Most of the gifts were £50 and though obv there's been a lot of inflation since I still think that's fine, and what I'd prob do now for most people given how my finances are but for a really close friend I think £100 would be lovely and she will appreciate it. We got a few stand out higher ones from people who didn't expect (and I knew weren't particularly rich), i was really touched by that.