AIBU...want to catch up with some I met over 10 years agoo

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Hi, I want to understand if I'm being weird or unreasonable and see what people think.

I meet a man about 10 years ago. We went on two dates. Didn't even kiss and he has to move country for work shortly after.

We kept in contact, occasional calls, texts initially but it died out. When he returned, he contacted me out of the blue and let me know he was back. He suggested coffee but I had a lot going on at the time so it didn't happen. He moved again a few months later but only 2 hours away.

We still keep in touch birthdays, Christmas but not in regular contact.

There wasn't any initial physical attraction and I don't see him like that but I never clicked with someone as much on my life. So much in common, great conversation, on the same page with do many thing. Some of the best conversations of my life. He's kind, intelligent, very funny. It was like we had known each other for years. We both thought so.

I really think we could had an excellent friendship and he says the same. I would love to catch up with him regularly. We are both extremely respectful to partners so I guess that's why we haven't.

I have a partner of 2 plus years. He is a fantastic guy and we are considering moving in together soon. Definitely the best relationship I've ever had and I've never really had a bad one.

He knows about the first guy. Nothing kept secret at all. He has no problem with me meeting him.

I was thinking of calling him and arranging a catch up? How do I even go about it? I don't want a romantic relationship. I have just never clicked with someone so much before.

Any thoughts?

@fiddlemeg Not married, no children. Friends on Facebook but neither of us have really used it in the last number of years

I don't believe there are an real issues in current relationship. It's just not an instant understand if each other but as I said it doesn't cause issues as we communicate well.

I don't believe he feels anything other than friendship towards me either. Don't get thst inclination. It's always friendly, never flirty.

Friendship group is mixed. I have 5 really long term female friends (2 school, 3 college so seperate groups), a loss of closer mainly female friends. Got friendship with 2 guys I was in college with but nowhere as strong as female 5. I work with a lot of men and have some male friendships from that bit more acquaintances really. Catch up for lunch/dinner but don't know each other inside out etc.

@MrsTerryPratchett. No, the good conversation bit absolutely. That the ideal man is the two of them combined. No & in fairness I hadn't really thought of that until today and yes, it is very disrespectful. I suppose that's why I originally posted. But it is no way sexually etc.

If he had rescue me or his female friend from a fire, I'm not sure what would happen. I'm his girlfriend, she's always been there. I'm not jealous. I know she's important to him & if she was a man it wouldn't even be worth a comment.

This post is just weird. The way you are talking about this guy sounds borderline obsessive. It comes across as you are looking for reassurance to meet this man because deep down you know there is more to it than what you are telling yourself.

if this was my partner talking about someone in this way and wanted to meet up with them I wouldn’t like it.

If my partner had a female friend who he said he had clicked with more than anyone else in the world, and that their conversations were the best he had ever had with anyone in his life, like you have said OP - I would walk. Maybe that makes me uncool, or old fashioned, but that is how I would feel.

It’s pretty much the plot of Jack and Alice.

Leave the past where it belongs.

I agree with everything you say. Go for it. Life is too short. X
I'm currently in contact with an old male friend ( boyfriend for a while) and am hoping to meet up with him.

Bloody hell, people are really trying to make out this is something its probably not. You seem to have been honest, so I dont see any reason to doubt you on anything else. But people love to put others in a box "men and women can't be friends" I've got a friend of over 20 years, from school, who I've met up with 3 times in all those years. We still speak every day via calls and messages. We've also lost touch a couple of times, but always seem to find our way back to each other. There are no romantic feelings, we are just best friends and have a connection that is rare. Ju as t double check he is thinking the same as you. Good luck.

I would never cheat on my partner. I don't want to meet this guy to pursue anything romantic. I really don't.
you are kidding yourself, I am sorry.

The thing is, I really doubt you would be dwelling on rekindling a female friendship after so many years.

I had a male friend just like this. There were so many things we had in common and it was so easy. Romantically though there was nothing. I think because we were so similar we just never saw each other that way. My partner was fine with it but his wasn't so we stopped meeting and then eventually stopped speaking. Haven't seen him for years now but I still wonder how he is. I lost touch (my fault) with a couple of good female friends over the past few years but have recently made the effort to reconnect and it's good. With really good friends you can have long gaps (because life gets in the way) and then when you do get back together it's like no time at all had passed.

The best thing to do is : Be direct ,And ask his advice on something ( something he would know about) in his line of expertise. Say : I knew You would know.

Sometimes these friends fill a gap.
I spent my whole life without having a male friend. I knew someone who seemed to have ' male friends'....it sparked a curiosity.
She taught me, in a way how to have a ' male friend'. It enriched my life.
Then BINGO!!!!!!! I got my very own ' male friend' he was attached, so no romance involved. He would call me once a year and we would go out for the day, Lunch, shopping. Walking.
After that I seem to get other guys who are mates too.
Today, looking back I wonder if it filled a void from having no brothers.......

I have a friend who is in this situation (deep profound connection with an old friend) and is clearly in an emotional affair with this man who we both used to work with. The urge to talk to him and meet him gets greater the worse the relationship with her husband is he's her fantasy, her back up plan. He is divorced and lonely with nothing to lose.

It's natural to have doubts about big moments of commitments with partners - get some counselling fir yourself first

Couples counselling can be amazing and looking at the dynamic of your relationship. A friend who went to it after her partner cheated said she wished they had done it when they were first married.

Was just about to post the same.

In what way do you communicate OP,by email or phone?

You're pretty much describing embarking on what's known as an emotional affair.

Why not? Nothing ontoward. Go for it.

I totally get this OP. I have 2 male friends in my life who I am very close with, who get me, with whom I can talk about anything and everything. Sometimes you just do have that automatic connection with someone, and if it was someone of the same sex (which has also happened to me) then no one would bat an eyelid!
It sounds like you are and your DP are very good at communicating l, and you're honest with one another - so why the hell shouldn't you have friendships with who you want to!
Ultimately, no one single person is really likely to provide everything you need in your life - some will bring romantic love, lust, some it will be the deep conversations, or a way of seeing the world through their eyes so you learn something new...I mean, the nuances of relationships are endless really. So if you can have a great friendship with this person, enriching both of your lives, and still be in a happy respectful relationship with your DP, then go for it! Life it short!

Thanks for clarifying.

Dear God OP, this is escapism nonsense and you wouldn't be entertaining the idea if you were happy, you'd be laughing at how daft it is.