Help with packed lunches

[CantMeatWontEat]

I know it's not a real AIBU, but I am struggling.

DD12 is vegetarian (only in last 9 months) and I am struggling with packed lunches.

I'm divorced. 50/50 split. DC have school meals one day a week. This effectively means I only have to make packed lunches on two days of the week. Please don't suggest more school meals. This is the agreement with XH, daily school meals aren't in my budget, and she would probably just eat chips.

XH gives her hummus and bread whenever he does a packed lunch. So I don't want to repeat that.

She was having "chicken" wraps with Quorn nuggets in the wrap a lot (because she liked them) but became bored.

She doesn't like anything with seeds in (crackers, bread), egg mayo, shortcrust pastry (if I make quiche, the pastry is always left).

She does like crisps, crackers (fairly plain ones), cheese, olives, reasonable range of veg and all manner of sugary junk.

Is funny about bread. Sometimes loves it, sometimes hates it. Not a fan of sandwiches (hence the wraps).

I'm currently mainly doing crackers and bits but worried she will get bored. Sent a hard boiled egg today as a variation on the bits, but it has come home uneaten. Apparently, the last time I sent an egg, someone commented on it so she didn't eat it today because she doesn't want people to think she's "weird".

Now she's upset because she thinks I'm upset she didn't eat her egg.

She has some mental health struggles, and is waiting for an assessment to see what we do next to help her. She gets quite paranoid, so anything that she thinks makes her look different is a big no.

I work full-time and usually cook from scratch. Sometimes we have pizza and she takes leftovers the next day. I really don't feel like I have the time to also be making/baking other types of lunch. Especially as DS is a confirmed carnivore and complains about anything that doesn't have meat in.

Sometimes DD takes a vegetarian sausage roll, but they're expensive and she never finishes them so I'm not convinced she likes them.

I am desperate for more ideas!

I do sometimes pick up falafel if it's on offer.

Have tried leftover pasta in a flask in the past but she complains it doesn't stay hot until lunch.

Does anyone have any easy, affordable suggestions?

Thank you for reading my essay!

Greek salad
Frittatas
Veg fritters and dips
Egg & avocado wrap
Soups
Noodles
Pasta hot/ cold
Cous cous
Dhal
Burritos

You need to fill the flask with hot water first. (And have a good flash)

i have sat down with my kids and wrote up a lunch plan - 5 lunches they will eat.

Pesto pasta is better cold than hot.

Cheese twists?

Cheese toastie?

I got to this point with (ND) DS where I was trying so hard to come up with lunches that were interesting, nutritious, filling, etc etc. In the end I let it go and decided if he wanted to go through a phase of ham sandwich every day for a month then it was fine because a) there would be a new favourite the next month and b) it's 5 meals a week out of 21. The other 16 can be varied instead.
So now I make whatever his sandwich of the month is + fruit + he can choose things from the freezer like cocktail sausages, samosas, veg spring rolls, cake, flapjack. So it's easy for me and he still gets a bit of variation by choosing something to go with it (but he doesn't get overwhelmed by the choice as he's only having to decide on a couple of side snacks.)

OP - my DD finds choosing food extremely stressful and has a limited palette of food (also vegetarian until recently!) So I hear you! (She's 16 and I still make her packed lunch most days - she started college intending on making her own but didn't last a week before it became overwhelming).
At primary school she ate 2 kind of sandwich (soft cheese or hummus) but doesn't actually like sandwiches so it was generally a rotation of a kind of carb (crackers, bagel, pitta, etc) protein (babybel, parmesan, hummus or soft cheese in a tub, occasionally a veggie sausage, plus raw carrot and occasionally cucumber. Daily for 6 years with very little variations. Same through high school with the addition of chicken! No pastry, no mayo, no fish, no egg, no other kinds of cheese, no ham, no spreads or condiments of any kind. Absolutely no cold pasta or rice. Preferably no crisps. The recipe changed for her preferred sausage so no to that too now. She's remarkably healthy - never ill and a good weight. Totally unfazed by a fairly monotonous diet.

Cheese scones. Make a batch and freeze.

Pasta salad? Mine will eat pasta with pesto and broccoli cold.

Frittata? I know that still egg but it's not smelly like a hard-boiled egg is

Why don't you get a cookbook with lots of vegetarian lunches and have her pick out some recipes for you to make together?

If she likes the bento box style with little bits you could take her to the store to pick out a variety of things.

If she likes wraps maybe look up vegetarian wrap ideas.

Grain bowls with toppi gs and dressing of her choice? Lots of ideas for this online

Thanks @Beamur that's reassuring. I'm worried that if she finally tired if something, there won't be anything to move on to. But I realise that's a bit ridiculous and we're bound to find something.

Lots of people have suggested cookbooks. We do have vegetarian cookbooks and she has expressed an interest in cooking some meals herself, so I got her a book aimed at students with quite easy instructions - but then just doesn't look at them. I know I have to make time to go through them with her or it will never happen.

Will also try Quorn cocktail sausages if I can freeze them. So far we've only found one brand of veggie sausage that she likes and it's one of the most expensive (of course!)

Reading all the suggestions has also highlighted to me just how complicated food is for her. I wouldn't call her a fussy eater because she'll try most things, but if she doesn't like something once then that's it. It must sound really fussy to other people, although she actually enjoys quite a wide range of flavours/cuisines.

We never have pesto at home because DS has a tree nut allergy. Not sure if other people are aware, but most pesto in jars is made with cashews rather than/in addition to pine nuts. That's why some schools don't allow it (wish our primary hadn't, used to feel really stressed when one of DS's friends had it a lot). However, asked DD this morning if she would try it and apparently she sometimes has pesto pasta at school when the chips have run out (!) so I will have a look for one that's safe for us to have in the house.

This. My 2 made their own lunches since way before that age. Ask her what she wants, buy that, and she can make her own. And if she doesn’t suggest anything it’s cheese sandwiches

Spanish Omlette/Tortila

Why don't you want to repeat houmous and bread? If she likes it, it's fine to have several days a week.

You have over 80 replies and there is so much detail in your posts. I think you need to really simplify this and squish it down to take up no headspace, exactly like your husband has done.

Find one thing she likes that is simple to make, and give it to her twice a week for the foreseeable. You can always riff on it later. I think it would be fine if it was hummus actually. But no faffing with flasks and precooking, just one easy thing for now. Take all the amazing suggestions you have already had, pick a few of the very simplest and go with one of them. I expect it would actually be a relief for your daughter to have something predictable and simple every day for now. Some people crave variety but some just don't and it's only 2 days a week. You can work on varying her palette at other times.

When my husband does the lunches it's plain. cheese, cheese and chutney or soft cheese and pesto. He would add a veg but DCs refuse.

NOt to go all Jamie Oliver on you but... he actually bangs on about this quite a lot in recent books/videos: you can make any sort of pesto yourself relatively easily, which allows you to adjust the ingredients to suit you. He has a summary on his instagram from 19 January.

But basically it's - herb of choice (40g), nut of choice (25g), cheese of choice (50g) then add oil, pepper, garlic, lemon, salt.

Fresh home made pesto lasts in the fridge. A tip my local Italian deli gave me years ago is top it with olive oil so that it's properly covered- keeps it sealed, and makes it last longer.

😁

Have a couple of Jamie's books. I wonder if that ratio is hidden away in one of them! She could make her own.

My dd is only 7 but picky and not big on meat. I find it easier to have lots of little tupperwares ready matched with lids of various sizes. Then I open the fridge / cupboards and see what there is. I had things like cocktail sausage (quorn) or those eggs straight from freezer. Easily defrosted by lunchtime.
She does have hummus a lot, at least it's healthy.
Maybe take her to a big supermarket for more ideas.

No, I haven't seen it before. But I know lots of his recipes include a quick pesto including his recent 5 ingredients mediterannean.

If you've got instagram - the post is on 19 January. I think it's linked to lesson on a new online class thing (I'm actually toying with signing up at some point, when I have time and money). And if you find the episode in his recent mediterranean series where he makes the pot roast chicken with a parsley and hazelnut pesto, it shows the basic way to do ti. I did that one and was pleasantly surprised how easy it was.

tbh for pesto I don't bother with quantities much.
it's more of a bunch of herbs, clove of garlic, small block of cheese type of thing (we don't like nuts in it).

I'd suggest:

Bagels (sometimes they seem more interesting than just "bread" even if they're, well... bread...). I've done things like "Pizza bagels" before (bagel slice with tomato paste, cheese & whatever toppings you like). I know when I was a kid sandwiches seemed boring but bagels felt so fancy

Cold pasta salad or potato salad

Does she like rice? Sometimes I just really fancy a nice big bowl of plain rice with some seasonings/toppings like sesame seeds and sliced spring onions (or whatever she likes really). Not the most nutritious but if its once a week and/or paired with other healthy things wouldn't be too. Sometimes we do "burrito bowls" which is basically just rice with whatever vegetables/toppings you fancy we usually do baby sweet corn, peppers, carrots, maybe edamame (lightly fried with a packet of fajita seasoning), maybe some cheese or avocado slices

Savoury "pancakes". I make savoury spring onion pancakes (Google scallion pancakes - you can use spring onions or scallions or eschallots, they all work). They're a bit of work to make initially but they freeze fantastically so you can have a bunch in the freezer and use as needed

Savoury muffins with whatever fillings she likes, like spinach, cheese, etc. Again freeze really well

Does she eat fish? I do my kids tuna, pasta, chopped cucumber and sweetcorn mixed in mayonnaise. If she doesn’t eat fish I imagine you could add quorn or something instead.

OP ignore the comments about getting your DD to do more…it’s not only not what you asked for advice on, but also you know her best and will be doing what’s right for her. I think it’s lovely how much thought you are putting into wanting to make her happy 😊

If she likes cheese I'd do variations on that quite often:

Cheese sandwich with lettuce or tomato or marmite or chutney or pickle if she likes any of those.

Cream cheese wrap, bagel or sandwich. I used to make one for veggie Ds which was cream cheese on wholemeal with finely chopped carrot and cucumber (no seeds) and shredded lettuce. It was delicious - much nicer than it sounds.

Slices of gouda, edam or cheddar with packets of plain crackers, cherry tomatoes, carrot and cucumber sticks.

Does she like guacamole? Could you do a guac wrap with salad?

If you heat the flask with boiling water first and then heat up the pasta until it is piping hot, it stays warm. DS recently told me it was often too hot to eat when he opened it. If that solves the problem, you could also vary the hot food. Buy some of those sachets of pre-cooked savoury rice or rice and beans and add a tomatoey spiced sauce to it. Or a Big Soup with some crackers or a roll and butter/cheese roll on the side.

One of the great dichotomy's of Mumsnet.... children should be making their own breakfasts and lunches from the age of about 9. Also cleaning their own room, doing their share of the family laundry, and taking a turn cleaning the bathroom. Lifts should never be given - that's what public transport is for.

But ALSO... should not be left at home alone for more than 1 hour until they're at least 16, shouldn't be allowed to walk to school without 5 buddies, should absolutely expect their parents to find them a part time job.

Having said that, maybe I'm a huge contradiction the other way - they can be independent, go out alone, make decisions about things. But I'm still treating them like babies by doing their cooking, laundry and cleaning?