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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my 18 month old's face licked by a random dog?

213 replies

CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 08:46

Every morning we take our five year old and eighteen month old children to pre-school through a small local park. The park has a concrete path on it, and we do not stray from the path to the grass either side.

Every morning, there are two adults there with Labradors who are roaming off their leads. I don't have an issue with the dogs being off their leads, but I do have an issue with one of the dogs consistently wandering over and licking my eighteen month old's face. We don't know the dog owners, I've never suggested this approach is welcome, and my eighteen month old simply freezes and has never giggled, smiled or welcomed the approach.

I haven't yet overcome my Britishness to say something, but I will do tomorrow. Before I do - AIBU to have a problem with this? I fully appreciate the dogs aren't dangerous (AFAIK) and that some people like dogs doing this. But doesn't my eighteen month old have the right not to just be licked by a random dog? Or by default is this just accepted behaviour?

I should point out that the owners seem to understand this isn't welcome, because they tend to say their dog's name in a disappointed voice. But they don't make a move to stop him or apologise or anything like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:05

Seeline · 22/02/2024 10:00

But clearly one too many times I have taken it on good faith that the owners understand this is unwelcome and will ensure it doesn't happen again.

You are letting it happen - regularly.
Without saying anything.

Whilst for some dog owners, this situation should never happen, they do seem to be in the minority these days. How are the owners to know it is unwelcome without you showing some sign of this or saying something?

Back on you - why is it assumed that it is welcome unless said otherwise?

OP posts:
Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:06

Mrsjayy · 22/02/2024 09:53

you stand around long enough for a dog to lick your kids face , every day! that's on you really, regardless of owners you know they are going to be in the park you don't say anything because "Brittishness" and then you let it lick the baby's
face whilst you stand there looking around for someone to save you ? have a word with yourself !

Edited

Incorrect, learn how to read or return to under your bridge. Either is fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:08

VivaVivaa · 22/02/2024 08:53

Not unreasonable at all. I don’t mind dogs in general, but I hate being bothered by random ones. Same for my DC. Hope calling it out goes okay.

Appreciate the nuanced take - thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:08

Minfilia · 22/02/2024 08:48

If the dogs cant be recalled around other dogs or people then they shouldn’t be off lead in public.

If the owner doesn’t realise that though then saying something probably won’t make a jot of difference!

(My old dog didn’t have reliable recall so he was kept on a long line. Current puppy is very much a work in progress. But YANBU)

Edited

Appreciate the nuanced take - thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:08

PandaCwtch · 22/02/2024 09:00

This has happened more than once? I'm a dog owner and that's really unacceptable. I don't let mine approach small children at all, simply because they could easily knock a small child over without even noticing (mid size dogs, not even big).

Although some owners are ok being licked by their own dogs, that doesn't (or shouldn't) extend to their dogs licking other people! I'd be mortified if it had happened once, there wouldn't be an opportunity for it to happen again.

You do need to overcome the Britishness to say something. "Please can you stop your dog licking my child; he doesn't like it" should be enough. If it isn't, put yourself between your child and the dog and say "no!" to the dog reasonably loudly and firmly.

Appreciate the nuanced take - thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:09

BodenCardiganNot · 22/02/2024 09:12

This happened us once. A German shepherd came up to our 2 year old and licked his face. The owners then appeared and announced he loves kissing children. They were left under no illusion what we thought of them.

Appreciate the nuanced take - thank you

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 22/02/2024 10:10

CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:06

Incorrect, learn how to read or return to under your bridge. Either is fine.

Show quote history

you need to direct that assertiveness at labrador owners then your baby won't get licked so much!

Mumoftwo1312 · 22/02/2024 10:15

I'm another one who is astonished you won't intervene on behalf of your child.

The dog owners are clearly out of order. However, op, the world is full of idiots, malicious and selfish people etc. When it comes to protecting your own child's safety and comfort, the buck stops with you. You must be the one to (say) lift your child into your arms to pull him away from the dogs. Or shoo the dogs away loudly. Or have a stern word with the owners. Or (preferably) all of the above.

Take care of your own child's safety and comfort because sadly you can't always rely on other people to do the right thing.

Mumoftwo1312 · 22/02/2024 10:17

And I'm raising eyebrows at you telling well-meaning commenters to "get under our bridge". You've come here for advice and opinions, to a forum of mostly mums. This is what many of us are saying: we've been in this situation, because bad dog owners are ubiquitous, and we've protected our children from it

Saltandpeppero · 22/02/2024 10:18

That’s gross. My friends toddler loves dogs but he’s really allergic to a lot of things including dogs. She was fuming when her husband let a dog jump up and lick the toddler on a walk in the park. He came back with a fire red rash! To be fair to her husband it probably happened so quickly, the main culprit is the dog owner who allowed it.

The truth is not all dogs are capable of being off lead around others but some owners instead of doing the training to make sure their can be safely off lead, just inflict their out of control dogs on everyone.

Definitely speak up be assertive and say it’s not Ok, you and your toddler don’t like it and that it’s happened far too many times (once is too many!). And very calmly tell them that if it happens again you’ll need to escalate it to the council.

That’s what I did after my neighbours dog jumped on me twice in one week and scratched me. She hates me but I don’t care - her dog never jumped on me again and I know if any of my friends come to visit with their kids they won’t be jumped on either as that was a worry of mine

Bearbookagainandagain · 22/02/2024 10:18

So you don't mind the fact that a off-lead dog you don't know at all approaches your toddler and lick their face?
Like, you see the dog approaching and you actually let this happen every day. You say nothing to the owner, you don't put yourself between the dog and your child, you just... wait and see?

Have you been reading the news at all recently?

Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:19

Mumoftwo1312 · 22/02/2024 10:15

I'm another one who is astonished you won't intervene on behalf of your child.

The dog owners are clearly out of order. However, op, the world is full of idiots, malicious and selfish people etc. When it comes to protecting your own child's safety and comfort, the buck stops with you. You must be the one to (say) lift your child into your arms to pull him away from the dogs. Or shoo the dogs away loudly. Or have a stern word with the owners. Or (preferably) all of the above.

Take care of your own child's safety and comfort because sadly you can't always rely on other people to do the right thing.

I do that, thank you. I just wanted to check that I wasn't being unreasonable in assuming that this is out of order. Thank you for your comment, have a nice day.

OP posts:
Bunnyhopskip · 22/02/2024 10:19

I'd shout from a distance for them to recall their dogs, and when they undoubtedly don't, I'd then speak to them about either keeping their dogs on leads, or training them to not be out of control. A dog that doesn't return when it is called is considered out of control. If this keeps happening I'd stand in front of the toddler and shout at the dog as it approaches, these owners are obviously the type that think everyone loves being bombarded by their dogs, and won't get the message until it's made quite clear. For all you know, this dog isn't regularly wormed, has just licked it's own arse, eaten cat shit, or picked up a dead rat in its mouth. I don't let my own dog lick me or my children, because I know what dirty little beasts they can be. I actually saw my dog drink another dogs piss once, that's the grim sort of stuff dogs do.

Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:19

Bearbookagainandagain · 22/02/2024 10:18

So you don't mind the fact that a off-lead dog you don't know at all approaches your toddler and lick their face?
Like, you see the dog approaching and you actually let this happen every day. You say nothing to the owner, you don't put yourself between the dog and your child, you just... wait and see?

Have you been reading the news at all recently?

Edited

Have you been reading the thread at all recently? I didn't say every day.

What is leaking on a face?

OP posts:
Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:20

Bunnyhopskip · 22/02/2024 10:19

I'd shout from a distance for them to recall their dogs, and when they undoubtedly don't, I'd then speak to them about either keeping their dogs on leads, or training them to not be out of control. A dog that doesn't return when it is called is considered out of control. If this keeps happening I'd stand in front of the toddler and shout at the dog as it approaches, these owners are obviously the type that think everyone loves being bombarded by their dogs, and won't get the message until it's made quite clear. For all you know, this dog isn't regularly wormed, has just licked it's own arse, eaten cat shit, or picked up a dead rat in its mouth. I don't let my own dog lick me or my children, because I know what dirty little beasts they can be. I actually saw my dog drink another dogs piss once, that's the grim sort of stuff dogs do.

Yes this is my plan now. Appreciate the nuanced take.

OP posts:
Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:20

Saltandpeppero · 22/02/2024 10:18

That’s gross. My friends toddler loves dogs but he’s really allergic to a lot of things including dogs. She was fuming when her husband let a dog jump up and lick the toddler on a walk in the park. He came back with a fire red rash! To be fair to her husband it probably happened so quickly, the main culprit is the dog owner who allowed it.

The truth is not all dogs are capable of being off lead around others but some owners instead of doing the training to make sure their can be safely off lead, just inflict their out of control dogs on everyone.

Definitely speak up be assertive and say it’s not Ok, you and your toddler don’t like it and that it’s happened far too many times (once is too many!). And very calmly tell them that if it happens again you’ll need to escalate it to the council.

That’s what I did after my neighbours dog jumped on me twice in one week and scratched me. She hates me but I don’t care - her dog never jumped on me again and I know if any of my friends come to visit with their kids they won’t be jumped on either as that was a worry of mine

Edited

Thank you - appreciate the nuanced take

OP posts:
Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:21

Mumoftwo1312 · 22/02/2024 10:17

And I'm raising eyebrows at you telling well-meaning commenters to "get under our bridge". You've come here for advice and opinions, to a forum of mostly mums. This is what many of us are saying: we've been in this situation, because bad dog owners are ubiquitous, and we've protected our children from it

I'm also raising eyebrows at you saying "our bridge". Do you feel that comment was addressed at you? Perhaps that's telling about how your comment appears to an ordinary person. But maybe not. Have a nice day.

OP posts:
Seeline · 22/02/2024 10:25

CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:05

Back on you - why is it assumed that it is welcome unless said otherwise?

Show quote history

Well the owners obviously assume that it is welcome because you haven't said otherwise!! That's the whole point!

Allshallbewell2021 · 22/02/2024 10:25

YANBU

Unbelievable behaviour from the owners.

I would never let a dog near my child's face.

Incredible tolerance on your part.

Ylvamoon · 22/02/2024 10:28

🧐 another dog hating thred!

I assume that OP didn't clean her toddlers face after breakfast. So lets a random dog do the job for her and simultaneously moan about it! Genius!

Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:28

Seeline · 22/02/2024 10:25

Well the owners obviously assume that it is welcome because you haven't said otherwise!! That's the whole point!

Show quote history

OK, so by that logic if nobody stops me throwing a brick through a car window then it's safe to do it until told otherwise?

My point with this entire thread was whether or not AIBU assuming that dog owners should know that their pets licking random faces is unreasonable. It seems like the majority agree that no, AIBU. That's enough for me.

OP posts:
Mumoftwo1312 · 22/02/2024 10:28

Wow op... you are really being nasty and saying "have a nice day" doesn't change that.

My comment was well meaning, as were the ones above. It's upsetting to think of a small child being "consistently" pestered by dogs. The way you worded your op strongly implied that you have allowed it to happen repeatedly. So that's what many of us are picking up on. That doesn't make us trolls.

Mumsnet is different from some other forums in that you can get stern advice from other mums. I've been on the receiving end myself and it's been useful to hear it like it is when I've been in the wrong.

OhNoWhatIf · 22/02/2024 10:28

Seeline · 22/02/2024 09:24

Most dog owners seem incapable of understanding that not everyone is besotted with their animal.
I don't like dogs. I don't want to be slobbered on, jumped on, hurt when they clamber up my legs, have my clothes ruined, or be covered in mud.
If children were allowed to treat complete strangers in this way there would be outrage. I don't understand why it appears to be acceptable when it is a dog!

Not MOST dog owners.

Original poster
CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:29

Ylvamoon · 22/02/2024 10:28

🧐 another dog hating thred!

I assume that OP didn't clean her toddlers face after breakfast. So lets a random dog do the job for her and simultaneously moan about it! Genius!

  • not a dog hating thread, or at least not started as such
  • incorrect assumption about facial cleanliness
  • incorrect assumption about gender

Three strikes, feel free to get out

OP posts:
Ylvamoon · 22/02/2024 10:32

CitrusBun · 22/02/2024 10:29

  • not a dog hating thread, or at least not started as such
  • incorrect assumption about facial cleanliness
  • incorrect assumption about gender

Three strikes, feel free to get out

Show quote history

Only according to your rules.

My observations suggest otherwise....