To not let 15 year old drive my children around?

[Shabooboogaloo]

Just back from half term with family in USA.
Where they live 15 year olds can drive (!) due to crap local transport.
15 year old DN has been driving to school, around town etc for 6+ months and was apparently excited to get to take my kids (10 and 12) out in the car to the local coffee place a few miles away. On their own.

Now - if they were walking I would have let the 3 get on with it, go out together but there was NO WAY I was letting them go out in a SUV in a city on their own.

Had a quiet word with the mom to that effect. Everyone thought I was the ultimate buzzkill and a bit insulting to the 15 year old. my offer to go with them was shot down. The trip didn’t happen.

YABU - fun police! It would have been fine and the 15 year old would have been able to handle it sensibly.

YANBU - 15 is too young to be responsible for young passengers, too young to be in the roads alone in fact.

No school buses? That is unusual.

Unusual, but not unheard of. In some states in rural areas, the closest bus stop for the school might be some distance away.

In states that allow 15 year-olds (and yes, in two of them 14 year olds), there are usually hardship requirements (distance to bus stop, etc.) and restrictions on who they can transport, where they can go (to school and back, for example), and hours they can drive (often daylight only).

Another thing to remember is that in farming communities, young teens are much more likely to have been operating farm equipment and driving on their parents' property, and states with large rural areas are more likely to be more liberal about young drivers.

Having said all this, even as an American used to laws allowing teens to drive, I wouldn't let my young children be driven by a 15 year old, no matter how responsible.

Which state’s driving test are you talking about and for which age group?

@wordler Exactly. There’s only one state that meets the VERY RARE qualifications OP has set out “15… been driving six months… has his license… been driving friends everywhere that whole time.” Kind of makes OP’s rants seem a bit ridiculous.

I do agree that the OP was not unreasonable to refuse to let her children be driven by a 15 year old. And her family were unreasonable if they tried to make her feel like a buzzkill over that decision.

‘Kind of makes OP’s rants seem a bit ridiculous.’

er? Rants? As I have said MANY times now I get why the driving age is young in the USA, but I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of someone that young taking my kids as passengers. That is all. That’s it. No agenda, no rant, no dissing the USA.
Just curious whether or not other parents would have let them go to the coffee place or not.

I did ‘drivers Ed’ at 14 and a half in the state I grew up in. It consisted on one week of driving experience, one week sat in the back or the car watching another student and a few days in the classroom. After than you spent six months only driving with another adult in the car, six months with only one friend, before 9 unless returning from work.

Yeah, the time restriction thing seems good - as in you can’t drive after 7pm
or before 6am etc

Thats maybe something to bring in for new teenage drivers here.

DP did drivers Ed at 15 had a license by 16 after driving round a course marked out, no reversing around corners or any of that nonsense and it was completely unrestricted but it was a big rural state. Everyone needed a car to go anywhere. Even the Elementary school was 20 miles away.

when we moved back here DP had to do some lessons an take the U.K. test after a year - that was a shock! passed though.

I had to do the driver’s test and theory exam when I moved here because in my state you couldn’t just swap your foreign license for the state one unless you were from Canada, France or Germany.

But because I already had a foreign license I was allowed to skip the provisional license and just take the test. It was a lot easier than the UK one I’d done 20 years earlier. But for my DD in a few years the requirements to get a first license require a lot more than a teen in the UK would do.

yanbu but chill out and move on from how different countries do things differently

Fine to make that decision but it I hope you made very clear to the lassie herself that it wasn't personal. She was probably quite deflated hence it was put on you for being a spoilsport to relieve her embarrassment after feeling all grown up. Just take it on the chin. You did what you felt was right for your kids.

I don't really believe that letting kids drive a year early in rural areas with no bus service can be conflated with gun laws so YABU bringing that into the thread. The infrastructure isn't there, people live further apart in places than most of the UK and they need to get to school. Ok, better public transport might be the approach I'd prefer but the UK hardly takes the moral high ground there. Getting around isn't easy in a lot of rural places.

Really… no agenda? You’ve managed to work guns and hunting twice into this thread… Assuming your niece wasn’t planning on stopping at the gun range or bagging a dear on the way to the coffee shop, I’d say that topic is not exactly relevant

🤣 Deer 🦌 that is not some lovely person 🥰

I voted unreasonable. I can understand your caution but you could have asked the 15 year old to drive you first on your own before the planned trip. They’ve been driving for 6 months without incident, why should they have one now?

Total RUBBISH! Good decision making is not developed in teens

‘You’ve managed to work guns and hunting twice into this thread… ‘

Both are massive in this State and big cultural differences to the U.K.
ironically, I am from a European farming background so can both shoot a rifle, and have been hunting.

‘yanbu but chill out and move on from how different countries do things differently’

I have lived in the USA, and I now live in a country I’m not from too! I am
aware that countries have different cultures thanks.
Luckily I probably have a whole year before having to decide whether or not SIXTEEN year old DN can take the kids somewhere …

Right…but what does that have to do with the niece driving?

A US driving test? There is no such thing.
It's probably better not to post about things you know nothing about.

It has been repeated many times on here that EVERY state has their own rules, and test. Hell, the test and rules when I was getting my permit and then license was completely different to what my sons had to do even though they were living less then 30 minutes away from where I grew up. Because it was 2 different states, all the rules and tests were completely different. Why is it so hard for people to understand that the US is like 50 different little countries when it comes to rules, laws and culture.

It’s not, but the fact remains that in the US14-16 year olds can drive and the test may vary but I’d definitely not as rigorous on the practical tests UK.

Are your relatives in some small town with big, wide roads and little traffic? Some places in America are so small maybe the practicalities outweigh the risk.

They all drive at 15/16 and are taught very very well - it is an essential life skill! You are being ridiculous and will be laughed at for being an uptight English woman in the US. But that is also fine if you do not trust your niece.
Younger the better, they have better reactions and learn more quickly at 15.

Whether or not DN had more thorough or less thorough instruction than in the U.K. ( or another state for that matter) was irrelevant to me, it was the age and actual alone driving time that was the important part and I would have felt exactly the same if it was a 15 year old here wanting to go off to Starbucks or wherever with my kids as passengers.
DN did the whatever hours of classroom learning then the whatever hours of driving with a parent that qualifies someone to drive around with passengers in the day.
Bit none of that changes the fact that most 15 years olds are not equipped to deal with handling children in accidents or emergency situations.

@AgnesX No - a large city though not right in the centre. I don’t particularly like to drive there. Though DN obvs will be more used to 4/6 lane traffic than someone from UK

‘will be laughed at for being an uptight English woman in the US.’

I’m not English but wouldn’t care anyway TBH!