My husband thinks breastfeeding women should be more classy

[marshmallowburn]

He thinks if you are feeding, do not do it in the centre of a food court , try to go to the edges. Choose your seat around the fringe. Preferably near a potted plant. Choose to be discreet. Do not make a spectacle of yourself ( in Parliament),
In a restaurant, don't sit in the middle.
Women should show more discretion and decorum.

BF mum here, for context I have BF my son in public since he was 2 weeks old (here’s a wee picture from that day 😊). Now clearly you can see absolutely hee haw in this picture, so yes, sometimes it can be discrete, but that’s not always the case.

With that particular outfit it was easiest to lift my jumper up, but in others it’s easier to pull it down instead. Believe me, when I get dressed in the morning, the opinion of some busybody on how I look when feeding does not factor into my decision on what to wear and nor should it.

As I said, in that photo he was 2 weeks old. He’s now 2 years old and when he’s feeding there’s a whole lot of acrobatics going on. Current favourite is for him to stand on my knee, bent at the waist, arse pointed out, head down to feed. And of course he likes to jump from boob to boob and back again like a bloody tennis match so while I do attempt to make sure I don’t have my nipples out, there can be times when the boob not currently in use is still a bit exposed. But don’t worry, it’ll be in use again in a second. And seriously, when he’s all over the place in daft positions I’m more concerned that he doesn’t doesn’t fall (and cause the agony of pulling off my boob without releasing the suction) than I am about making sure that only the exact amount of boob that’s required to feed is outwith my clothing.

And lastly, I’m relatively small chested, so there’s less there to actually cover up. Women with bigger breasts will naturally have more on show, and actually breastfeeding with larger breasts can be more of a challenge to get baby positioned in such a way that they can feed effectively so that too can impact how possible or practical it is to cover up. It’s absolutely disgusting that women are essentially being shamed for having large breasts even though it’s totally outwith their control (and actually when you take BF out of the equation, large breasts are generally seen as being more desirable so there’s a double standard for you 🙄).

Its a sorry situation that we’ve had to legislate to protect a baby’s right to eat, but the law is there, and it’s clear any show of breasts when breastfeeding, including the exposure of nipples is NOT indecent and women should not be asked to or expected to stop.

Whe it comes to breastfeeding, the only people who have any rights are the mother and the baby. All other opinions are irrelevant 🤷‍♀️.

Do you think it is ok to impose your rigid upbringing on other people? Why don’t you just look away when you see women breastfeeding their babies? Genuine questions.

Same here!

I’m seeing some posts saying that the problem is men sexualizing breasts. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with men sexualizing breasts; it’s when they can’t understand that breasts aren’t always sexual that it’s a problem. Lesbians and bisexual women typically manage to find breasts sexually appealing while understanding that breasts aren’t sexual in every context.

I kind of wonder if some men are uncomfortable with breastfeeding because somewhere in their subconscious, it reminds them that their mothers are sexual beings. A recently fertile and sexually active woman with attractive breasts, breastfeeding a baby, indicates that mothers are also sexual beings, and that means their mothers are sexual beings. The thought is uncomfortable, so they feel an aversion to seeing breastfeeding women who’ll remind them of the uncomfortable thought, even if it’s subconscious.

That’s my theory for some men, anyway.

I'd say it's more a case of 'how dare that woman use her breasts for a purpose that has nothing to do with meeeeeee'.

I think a lot of men firmly believe that women get up in the morning, wash, dress, brush hair, and put on makeup specifically for their gaze. Hence all that 'smile, darling', and the cat calling, and the leering.

It's very jarring for some men to realise that women live their lives oblivious to them, that they are not out there desperately seeking men's attention and validation and approval. Nothing makes that more clear than a woman breastfeeding her baby.

This thread has reminded me that I used to breastfeed walking whilst walking around Tesco- literally anywhere (covered no less) 🙊

I truly don’t mind people having a different opinion, even this husband's. He can't do shit about it, women will feed where they like, but he's entitled to his opinion. Breastfeeding is such a hot topic here.

Oh another really silly billy comment!

Honestly, go do your paper round and stop mixing with the grown ups!

I think the issue is control pure and simple: Women do and behave as I (the man in question) say.

Op, your post suggests that your DH laid down the law for you in a similar manner. How do/did you cope? Are you feeling trapped? Is this post a cry for help?

On your head, the baby's head or your breasts? I'd like a titara, really classy.

Got to about page 15 and most things have been covered (ha) it seems, with decorum modesty and humour 😀
Particularly love the tits video.

The thing that sticks out for me (and apologies if anyone else has brought this up, but I'm surprised that the original debate was started by seeing an MP breastfeeding during a vote in Parliament? Don't misunderstand me, I have zero problem with that on any front, but I assume this was televised? No problem with that either, because honestly showing a woman multi-tasking and working at an important job and meeting her child's needs in a way that suits her lifestyle shouldn't raise an eyebrow even a millimetre in this day and age.

I guess I'm getting at the regressive thinking that is getting more and more prevalent around women at the moment. Someone else brought up the Madonna/ whore thing that has plagued us since whenever, see also fancying a bit of fruit in a pretty garden.

Men need to get over themselves when they get their panties in a bunch over this kind of thing, because it ain't a good look.

Also - because I'm an over-thinker - was the MP shown to distract people from the substance of the vote she was participating in? To ignite debate? To champion equal rights for women in the workplace? Or was it just a brief glimpse of an everyday scenario that should merit no more attention than normal? Is that MP about to be diverted from her career because now she's been reduced to a political boob? This enquiring mind wants to know.

My point is that this should be a complete non-event, yet the reaction of OPs husband and some others in this debate suggests we'll never be intellectually free because tits / genitals.

Also - does it ever occur to the objectors that women may do this natural thing designed to prevent their children starving and wailing (also a sin - can't we just gag them? Sarcasm obviously) in a defensive and mutinous manner simply because they've been told to be ashamed of it and it's tiresome in the extreme? I mean, imagine that legislation even has to exist to ensure a woman can FEED her child according to nature's whim to avoid discomfort to child and herself when not chained to the kitchen sink.

In all seriousness though - I despair on so many fronts these days .....

It's bizarre what men find off-putting in public, yet watch all sorts of nasty porn in private - its the Madonna-whore complex

Yeah all of the above I'm classy as hell.

The number of people on this thread with serious psychosexual issues is astounding.

Feeding a baby is literally the most natural thing in the world. It is literally how human beings survive!?

Finding it offensive to watch a parent keeping their child alive is literally WILD.

Youd literally have to be staring and really trying to even catch a glimpse of most women’s breasts when feeding. Perhaps these men don’t trust themselves not to be predators when they see a breast and get the blood lust!?

There are some ignorant controlling pervs out there, sure, but what surprises me is the women suggesting a mother hides herself away like it is something to be ashamed of? Makes me feel so sorry for you and your kids that you felt this way about something so tender and loving.

If you have come to that world view about feeding a baby it makes me feel sad about some of the messaging you’ve likely grown up with from your own parents, and how that’s influenced the men you have chosen too and your views of yourself as a woman and mother. Worth exploring with a therapist ?

No wonder breast feeding rates are so low.

😂

what surprises me is the women suggesting a mother hides herself away like it is something to be ashamed of?

Internalised mysogyny in full swing. They want other women to uphold the patriarchal status quo that they're so invested in themselves, and to do otherwise is seen as a threat.

This sums it up beautifully

To be fair at Christmas my husband read the words ‘breast crown’ and told me my boobs deserved a crown.

Women only have breast to feed infants that’s it. Men and the media like to sexualise them whereas if women hadn’t breastfed since the dawn of time then our species would have died out. They are essentially bottles but if a parent was feeding from a bottle they wouldn’t care if they were hiding behind a plant or sticking a child under a top/shawli think the reason men see breasts as sexual is that it shows a girl maturing and becoming fertile. Treat breasts the same as you would seeing a bottle and we’ll all be better off. If people make remarks just ask loudly why they are ogling your tits…they must have been to see what you are doing they’ll be embarrassed enough.

Love the breast crown! If you haven't heard of them, look up "breastfeeding anniversaries", it's this concept that your dh gives you a themed gift when you've been breastfeeding for 100 days, 1y etc. We didn't do it (I felt Mother's Day covers it for me) but I think it's sweet.

Edit: Google tells me I achieved Jade Boobs with dd. I'm approaching Bronze Boobs with ds so far

The OP’s husband would fucking hate me. I breastfed three kids in public spaces for over eight years consecutively. According to him I should have been in some sort of mobile confessional booth whenever I left the house. Suppose I could use whatever badge that gets me to take his misogynistic eyes out 🤣

I mean im not going to let my boob hang out for all to see while I'm getting into position etc but I'm going to feed my child wherever and whenever I need

I don’t have children (couldn’t carry to term) so I haven’t ever breastfed. He more or less just likes my boobs lol.

Which parks exactly? Asking for a friend.

Oh gosh I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry I misunderstood xxx

No it’s not your fault. I didn’t make it clear. I’ve made my peace with it. 7 miscarriages and i had to let motherhood go.

This is just an aside, as the discussion is still going on - in my opinion using the word “classy” betrays someone who has not benefited from either a decent education nor a nice supportive upbringing. The word classy is not classy.