My wages and maintenance

[ZebraGiraffe12]

I need some advice. I have 2 children myself with my husband aged 1 and 4. I also have a stepson who is 11.

My husband and I met as we both work at the same company. We both earnt £48,000 a year equalling £96,000 between us. Stepson stays 3 nights a week Thursday to Sunday every week and we have always paid maintenance of £325 a month. This is over what we need to pay but we looked at what we could afford as a family. We both work full time from home but our jobs do include a bit of travelling, both our parents help when this is the case. This means we have no extra childcare costs.

Whilst I was on maternity leave both my husband and I went for the same promotion at work. This promotion came with a large salary increase and a company car to £94,000. This brought household income to £142,000 a year. My stepson heard us talking about it when he was supposed to be asleep and he excitedly told his mum that I'd got a new job when she picked him up at the weekend. It was not done in a malicious way he was excited as we had talked about going on a big holiday in the summer as a congratulations to me and to celebrate.

My partners ex when she got home sent a message asking what my new wage would be so she could recalculate maintenance. She has said its unfair for her son to miss out on family money. Am I being unreasonable to say no? We already pay her really well, and go above and beyond with my stepson as we are the only ones who take him on holiday and have him every weekend. We also pay for his swimming lessons and his boxing classes which he attends when he is at his mums. She has also told us that she can't get a job as she would have to pay for childcare as she wouldn't be able to get a stay at home job like us.

Paying less than £4k a year from a household income of £142k doesn’t seem right (morally)

I agree with this. Although your paying more than child maintenance says, it's a pittance compared to what it costs to actually raise a child.

I'd look at it more of "helping DS have nicer things/more activities at his mums house" rather than "we're paying for her to stay at home"

What do you mean 'repay'? The OP doesn't owe anything and the £50 was extra that was above what was required. Even with the minus £50 they were paying above the CMS amount. And they gave the child 3/7 days so are only paying maintenance for one day a werk

She can fuck right off

Tell her to go through cms if she's not happy. Hahaha what a laugh she's on a right wind up. Frankly she should be embarrassed to stoop so fucking low.

Totally OT but what do you do that you get 50k pay rise in one promotion?

Since the child is with his father 3/7, including every weekend, I doubt the £4k is all that he is spending on him.

He’s not “missing out” on family money though. He benefits from the money you put in to the household in lots and lots of ways that don’t include blindly throwing your money at his mum!

Why should you take money away from your own children to fund your stepson when he is with his mum? His needs when he’s with his mum are not your concern. That’s for his mum to budget for with the income she receives from work, benefits, maintenance etc. It ain’t your problem if she wants more for dss. Your children shouldn’t get less from their mum so another mum has more for her child.

I normally side with the mother in CMS stuff because I agree CMS is rubbish

But in this case the father has the child for only 1 less day than the mother, so they are paying £325 for 1 day per week, which would imply it costs £2275 per month to raise the child which is more than double the national average of £1000 per month to raise a child.

I think I’d pay for something specific for him when he’s at his mums house. Rather than it just getting absorbed into her household pot, is there another club or activity or even something like tutoring or a musical instrument. So he is seeing some benefit?

It doesn’t imply that as CMS calculations don’t assume that parents both spend an equal amount on the child.

It implies that that’s the blunt percentage of the NRPs income from their calculation.

It matters not a jot in those calcs if the RP spends £10 a month or £10000 a month.

I didn't say that was how CMS worked

I said it in response to the comment that £325 per month for 1 day a week is pittance

If its pittance then the implication is that it takes a significant amount more than £325 for 1 day a week to raise a child ie. more than £2275 per month.

So the other ex (father of the other 2 DC)pays nothing? Sounds like you are having to fund all the boys to some degree.

she needs to sort herself out

Er no, there is no 'we', I appreciate you obviously love your DSS and that's great but he has 2 parents to pay for him and you're not one of them. Why would you take money from your kids to give to someone else's 🤷‍♀️ maintenance should be calculated on your partners salary alone, you should not be paying for your DSS.

You could be a fricking billionaire and she wouldn't be entitled to a penny! She's a CF.

You’re giving this far too much headspace. It’s on the child’s father alone to pay, and it’s on him to communicate with his ex. Opt out, it’s not your concern no matter how much you want it to be. He should pay via CMS.

Who got the promotion you or him?
if you….do you still work from home, pulling in 96k (or at least 48k) and manage to look after a 1 yr old and 4 yr old without childcare?
If him…. I think he should cough up more!

@Gall10 its literally in the OP, did you not read it?
The OPs money is nothing to do with the mans child.

I work in app development for an international company. I was promoted to a role running a large team within the North of the UK. The job involves travelling to America a fair bit which I think is partly why the role involves a large payrise. The owner of the company gives a lot of responsibility to the managers to bring him good money, so I think he likes to pay well. Honestly never thought I'd get the job, I just wanted the experience for when deputy manager came up shocked myself.

I do currently work from home when not travelling but my husband also works from home. So childcare wise we manage with support from family my parents and MIL are amazing support.

Send her links to the job centre and childcare providers and cms for her flakey ex... She can also source family support when she gets a job..

i bet you getting the job and your husband being unsuccessful caused some interesting chats!