Final answer to if hen invite SHOULD mean wedding invite.

[Chickitychick]

In response to the poor lady with the CF friend who wanted her to make all the wedding signs 🙈.
I would never have invited anyone to my hen do that wasn’t invited to my wedding. I think it is rude and could be really hard for the person having to hear all about an event they are not invited to.

SO. My AIBU:

Its rude to invite people to a hen and not to invite to the wedding / evening invite only (basically anything other than all day) YANBU

Its fine to invite someone to your hen and not invite them to your wedding / evening only invite. YABU

I've been to multiple hens and only the evening of the wedding, I really don't see an issue in it.

I think it depends on what you expect of people for a hen/stag do.

We had only 50 people during the day but my husband had a stag do including all his friends from work who were only invited to the evening but they a) knew that from the start and b) it was basically a pub crawl in the city closest to where they all live so not exactly a big effort/expense they had to make.

Stag night was originally a last Hurrah with the groom's single friends. Hen night is presumably the same, so no, you don't need to invite your devil may care single chums to your wedding. I've never understood why people take their DM or FMiL along either, as presumably they will Br spending lots of time with them afterwards.

Just wanted your opinion on my latest situation. I’ve been asked on a hen where it’s £250 for the weekend. Is it not rude to expect someone to pay £250 to go on a hen do but your not worthy of going all day at a cost of the couple approx £100 per head?

How close are you to the bride, what is the size of the wedding , is there a massive family. that would dictate if I'd expect an invitation to the whole day , not if I went to the hen do which is essentially a wish you well, last time out as a single woman. The cost is a separate matter .

I think it depends on the hen party.

If it’s basically a night out, more-the-merrier kind of thing then I don’t think I’d expect an invite to the wedding / full day unless I was particularly close to the bride or groom (I’d be surprised not to get an evening invite if the couple were doing those, but not all couples do)

If it’s a more select group, cottage / spa break kind of thing, then I would assume if I was close enough to be invited to that, I’m close enough to be invited to the wedding / full day.

Isn’t this the exact same question that she asked in the other thread?

I wanted to add the AIBU vote to get a definitive answer to the general question. Of course the other thread is an absolute piss take and the OP on the other thread needs to ditch that CF asap. I did mention that thread on my opening statement….

I think it depends on the hen. Saturday night bar hopping and your extra financial contribution is to split the brides drinks and cover charges? The more the merrier. It’s really just a regular night out with friends with some extra theming.

elaborate events or full weekends should be wedding invitees.

I'd never invite someone to a hen night / weekend and not the wedding - surely hen nights are for those closer than most?

It totally depends on the hen do, the wedding and the relationship

I’m going to 3 hen dos this year where I won’t be at the wedding ceremony. 2 are evening only invites - DH’s cousins and he has a massive family. 1 won’t be at any part as the wedding is a tiny wedding in Jamaica, where the bride is from

I think the key for me is that it’s always been open about the invitation. No expecting an all day and then being surprised. And none of the brides would have been offended if I’d declined the hen do.

Hen dos round here are always the more the merrier though.
I ended up at my SIL’s sisters hen do a number of years ago, and one of my work colleagues brought her sister to mine.

always a random at a hen do here. Always ends up with somebodies mate or sister being tagged in because someone dropped out or they bump into them at the first bar.

It's unbelievably rude to invite someone to the hen do but not the wedding (regardless of what bit of it). Basically it says 'you are OK for a drunken night out or a crazy weekend away, which you will pay for, but not worthy of coming to the real event.'
Stags may be different, I don't know.

Depends on the hen do...I had work colleagues come to mine who were only invited to the evening. It was a lovely fun night out.
We only had 35 to the day, it was a very small wedding.
But I don't do drama, and demanding. My friends are all relatively easy going and understanding.

I was married late 90's . Hen do was just going out for a drink with friends and work colleagues some of the latter I worked in the same team as some were from the other team. I only invited those I directly worked with to the wedding.
Just a choice but I'd wanted all those attending the ceremony to the reception. Done locally as possible so not costing anyone much. Other than friends from Germany who stayed at our house to keep the cost down for them.
Still get comments this day how much people enjoyed our wedding. No fuss, as had planned everything not with just how we wanted it to be but the least stressful for all our guests. (From previous negative experiences of attending weddings) surely it's the people you want to come is the most important and a memorable day for all? Think these destination weddings expensive hen dos are tacky. Though they wod probably consider me an old Croc!

I disagree. If you don't want to go on the hen because of the cost that's one thing, but no I don't think that means you should get a day invite. If you didn't get an invite at all then I think that's rude, but I think it's fine for evening only. People can be so restricted on numbers but the hen party doesn't have restrictions like that so more friends can be invited etc. An example I done 4 nights in Benidorm at a cost of way more than £250 and was an evening guest. Had a great time and would do it all again.

I've been to a hen without being invited to the wedding at all, but special circumstances.

The Bride was a colleague, shotgun wedding as she was pregnant, lived 1000s of miles from home and didn't have much money so register office with witnesses job. She was quite young and a bit sad about not having any of the bells and whistles or friends and family present, so we took her out at our expense for a proper veil, sash and willy straws hen-do dinner.

Other than that though, nah. I don't enjoy hen dos enough to want to attend one unless I have to, and that would be out of loyalty to a close friend whose wedding I'm attending.

I am going to a hen do in a couple of weeks and I have only been invited to the evening. I think it's rude. The bride is also messaging me for advice on things for the wedding, I helped her find her wedding venue, she has asked to borrow several items of mine for her wedding. She came to my whole day too. I said yes to the hen before I got the evening invite, otherwise I would have said no. Feel a bit used to be honest.

I think it depends on the wedding. Small wedding, or abroad... then yes, friends may WANT to celebrate with the bride. I've been on hens like that.

Massive wedding... definitely rude.

Why does it have to be so transactional (hen do costs £250, couple pay £150 for a guest at the wedding)? For one, the couple aren’t profiting from the hen do!

If you can’t afford the £250, don’t think you’ll enjoy it, then don’t go. If you can and think you’ll have a good time then go. Apart from a few games of Mr and Mrs I don’t remember any hen do where we’ve talked about the wedding all night. It’s just been a chance to meet new people and have a night out.

Do you really think, ‘oh if I spend £250 now, then I can recoup £150 on the wedding day in food and drink?’

I think being invited to the evening do is fine, a lot of places have restrictions on guests for the ceremony. The evening is generally the fun bit anyway!!

I agree with you. It's very rude. You're not a top tier friend, I don't want you at the main event, but still shell out for the hen do and bring a wedding gift later on? Nope..

I think it's not good to invite people to an expensive hen function, especially overnight if you aren't inviting to the wedding but it's fine to have a cheap hen do and invite only to the evening. Anyway since when do you do the inviting yourself, my friends are throwing one for me (and they are all invited!)

Hardly a small wedding if you had an evening do as well?

I think it depends on the nature of the hen do. These hugely expensive weekends away should be reserved for people you are close enough to to invite to the wedding IMO.

Equally I've been to much lower key hen dos for people I don't expect to receive any sort of wedding invite from E.g. drinks for someone at work, drinks out with a mum from school.

I've never been to a hen where I wasn't also invited to the wedding. All of the wedding and I did the same for my hen. Although I only had my bridesmaids and one of my witnesses and just had a weekend with friends anyway. I think to do otherwise is rude, mean and a bit shitty tbh.