Final answer to if hen invite SHOULD mean wedding invite.

[Chickitychick]

In response to the poor lady with the CF friend who wanted her to make all the wedding signs 🙈.
I would never have invited anyone to my hen do that wasn’t invited to my wedding. I think it is rude and could be really hard for the person having to hear all about an event they are not invited to.

SO. My AIBU:

Its rude to invite people to a hen and not to invite to the wedding / evening invite only (basically anything other than all day) YANBU

Its fine to invite someone to your hen and not invite them to your wedding / evening only invite. YABU

Hen/evening is fine.
Hen/no invitation is not fine.

I only had 25 people at my wedding (covid times) and wasn’t going to have a hen, but was persuaded to by a friend. Everyone who attended the hen do knew they weren’t invited to the wedding. Except my best friend who was my witness.

it was just a night out though, nothing expensive or OTT. I think it depends on the expected cost/ inconvenience/ travel associated with the hen do and also being clear about the level of involvement in the actual wedding.

Cost of weddings are so high now .if you have a big family then its not always possible to invite everyone .Although if a friend should be included I think if on hen night

I guess another way to look at this is, if they don't feel obliged to invite you to the wedding, then you needn't feel obliged to go to the hen night. This frees you up to go if you want, or skip it if you prefer

Well I've also been a 'female of the same age group and friends with' the bride and been invited to the wedding and not the hen. Mainly because I've been invited to the wedding somewhat out of duty. Sometimes because I'm a friend of many years but not as close as we were and the bride wants a certain thing with specific people in a particular location and I didn't make the cut or because im a sister in law (yet still close).
Never bothered me.
Also been invited to a hen and not any part of the wedding because im a recent pal and it's a small wedding.

Hens are personal preference wedding celebrations and it's sometimes totally different to a wedding celebration.

Hen parties can be intense things and I can understand when the bride decides that certain people may not gel with the main group they've invited and it could just be awkward.

For me it depends - if the hen do is a local night out for a meal, drinks and a club - great, happy to go even if not going to the wedding at all (would prob decline an evening only invite many miles away unless I fancied a weekend there).

If it's a costly hen do, I'd expect a full day wedding invite.

VERY happy to be invited to the wedding and not the hen do. Best-case scenario for me!

Its rude.

An exception would be if a very small wedding and the hen do was more of an low key evening out at a few local bars for drinks with friends/collegues and its a the more the merrier situation. And most were not invited due to the wedding being very small.

Inviting someone on an eleborate weekend which would cost them more than a few drinks at the local pub and not to the wedding - very very rude.

So of you said, sorry can't make the hen do /can't afford it ,would you not expect a wedding invitation or decline that as well? They are two different things.

I had lots of friends on my hen do that were evening invites only, and I have been to hen dos where I have received an evening invite only. I don't see a problem as long as people are up front about this from the beginning.

I've just been on a hen weekend and it was 5 of 6 bridesmaids including brides sis in law, mother and aunt of bride plus 2 close family friends, all invited to the whole day. Grooms mum and sister (6th bridesmaid) were invited but declined in a friendly way.

I think I& you are having a cheap/easy to attend hen do…dinner or afternoon tea or meetin pub or bar in local. Town . Basically if you are having a standard night out with added inflatable willies then it’s OK to give an evening only invite.

if you are expecting someone to shell out £1000s on Marbella. You are a) mad and b) all day invitations

I invited a few people to my hen that just got evening invites. Reason being me and my husband have a huge family so they took up all of the spaces for the day. I had friends to the evening do. People are welcome not to come to the hen do if it's something they don't fancy doing - it's not a 'must'. But it's also nice to open up invitations if people do fancy going.

This would really annoying me. I'm good enough to be someone to party with (at my own expense) but not to come to the wedding (at the brides expense). I would feel second best and like I was being used to boost hen party numbers.