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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

National Trust visit spoilt by overzealous staff or AIBU?

415 replies

Sunshineismyfavourite · 20/02/2024 21:16

Visited a beautiful NT country house today. Huge 17th century house with Capability Brown landscaped parkland. The house has lots of art by Van Dyck - one of my favourite artists and I was really looking forward to spending a couple of hours with DH wandering around in the beautiful spaces enjoying the peace and quiet. However, every time I stopped to look at a painting one of the staff would come up to me and start talking. This happened several times in every room we wandered into. I totally get the enthusiasm and expertise of the staff but I wasn't really interested in hearing about the Civil War etc., I just wanted to enjoy the paintings in peace. We do visit NT properties occasionally but have never found this to be a problem before.
The staff just seemed to be unable to read my body language as I was trying to walk away or indicate that I didn't want to talk or listen to them by not responding or engaging with them. Short of telling them to shut up it was impossible.
It was a very quiet day with not many visitors so they were probably bored but it was way too much for us.
AIBU by being a miserable bugger (I know I'm quite unsociable at times) or should I be allowed to wander round in peace? Perhaps they should give out 'don't talk to me' badges with the tickets if you want to be left in peace!

OP posts:
dopamineexplosion · 22/02/2024 02:53

Charlize43 · 21/02/2024 22:46

Not sure if Kenwood House is NT but was there recently and I had a lovely conversation with a young man who told me all about Belle Dido and her history. He was quite young (20s) and he told me he wanted to work in Arts & Heritage and travelled ever day from Windsor.

I didn't realise there was so many grumpy people on MN who found conversation to be so intrusive. On another thread, a great many people are complaining about how unconnected they feel and there's no feeling of a cohesive society.

It's not a conversation if you're just being talked at though - it's a lecture.

MrsGlennBulb · 22/02/2024 04:20

dopamineexplosion · 22/02/2024 02:53

It's not a conversation if you're just being talked at though - it's a lecture.

Exactly.

PleasePleaseTellMeNow · 22/02/2024 07:42

SabrinaThwaite · 22/02/2024 00:48

I was locking up today and just thinking how satisfying it is to heave the huge doors closed and slide the massive bolts into place - the echo is quite spectacular. Plus we have big old keys on a huge brass ring that makes you feel like a proper custodian.

Yes, I love this too. I've often been the only person on site, opening up or locking up. I talk to the house 😄. We have a wonderful library, not generally open to visitors (they can peak through the door) and being in there on my own gives me goosebumps.

chaosmaker · 22/02/2024 09:35

On another thread, a great many people are complaining about how unconnected they feel and there's no feeling of a cohesive society.
'
That's just tories from thatcher to the present day, including blair. They didn't want a cohesive society.

fleurneige · 22/02/2024 09:46

I was very very proud of my mother who remained so active right up to her 90s. U3A, OU courses, volunteering for NT and SureStart, and also walking and member of her local Nature Trust. It kept her brain, her heart, soul and mind going, and her body too. Even when in pain, she just kept going and always said, the more I move, the better I feel. Surely this is what we want for our parents in their old age, and for us at some point.

But yes, agreed- they should be trained to pick up on the 'just leave me to it' and respect it, as much as they love the property and how much time they have spent studying every aspect of it. A bit of respect both ways would not go amiss, surely.

OnceinaMinion · 22/02/2024 11:39

Not everyone wants facts. Some people want to look at the wallpaper, fabrics etc not everyone is going to a country house for a history lesson.
Theres a non NT place near me that has an arts and crafts living room, I want to look at the design, couldn’t give a shit about the people who sat in it 100 years ago.

Pheasantsmate · 22/02/2024 12:27

fleurneige · 22/02/2024 09:46

I was very very proud of my mother who remained so active right up to her 90s. U3A, OU courses, volunteering for NT and SureStart, and also walking and member of her local Nature Trust. It kept her brain, her heart, soul and mind going, and her body too. Even when in pain, she just kept going and always said, the more I move, the better I feel. Surely this is what we want for our parents in their old age, and for us at some point.

But yes, agreed- they should be trained to pick up on the 'just leave me to it' and respect it, as much as they love the property and how much time they have spent studying every aspect of it. A bit of respect both ways would not go amiss, surely.

But that’s the whole point of this thread. No one has any problem with people volunteering or staying busy and active, people have an issue when the volunteers don’t respect boundaries and impose themselves on people looking to have a quiet day out.

Quite a lot of the volunteers we are talking about pounce on visitors and are just focused on their own desire for a chat rather than picking up on very basic social cues from visitors that they want to be left alone.

CoffeeCantata · 22/02/2024 13:06

I'm with you OP and I agree with lots of what's already been said.

I used to work for the NT years ago when they had a different problem - they were often seen to be snooty and elitist and I think there've been so many initiatives over the years to try and change this that they've actually gone too far the other way, I certainly think so! Give me a snooty, silent room-watcher any day so that I can snoop about and look at what interests me in peace. But others may think differently...

I am no longer a member because I really think they've taken a wrong turn over the last few years in many areas. There are some people with very strange ideas now involved in their policy-making. One amazing house (Lyme Park in Cheshire) had had stuff taken out of some of the rooms to make room for squashy modern sofas, bean bags and toys. I don't pay the whacking charges to visit a toddler group!

And don't get me started on their quiz or I-spy sheets for children! I hate them! If you ask children to look for say, the rabbits hidden around a house, they won't look at anything else. I've seen children racing from room to room just to spot a soft toy hidden there, when there's just so much more they could be looking at.

Grrr. It's close to my heart and therefore I feel very strongly, but rant over.

CoffeeCantata · 22/02/2024 13:09

Also - I find NT properties very samey and homogenised (and twee) so recommend visiting privately-owned places for a really enjoyable and individual experience. Much scruffier, lived-in and authentic and they tend not to employ so many guides/room-watchers because they're less likely to be volunteers.

fleurneige · 22/02/2024 13:29

OnceinaMinion · 22/02/2024 11:39

Not everyone wants facts. Some people want to look at the wallpaper, fabrics etc not everyone is going to a country house for a history lesson.
Theres a non NT place near me that has an arts and crafts living room, I want to look at the design, couldn’t give a shit about the people who sat in it 100 years ago.

Fair enough- but wouldn't you be interested in the history of wallpaper making and the old processes? Fascinating indeed. Most people have NO idea about how wallpaper used to be designed and especially, printed, and just how intricate and complicated and very time consuming. And how colours were obtained.

ZebraPensAreLife · 22/02/2024 13:36

fleurneige · 22/02/2024 13:29

Fair enough- but wouldn't you be interested in the history of wallpaper making and the old processes? Fascinating indeed. Most people have NO idea about how wallpaper used to be designed and especially, printed, and just how intricate and complicated and very time consuming. And how colours were obtained.

And a lot of people (me included) don’t care. We just want to look at it.

OnceinaMinion · 22/02/2024 13:46

fleurneige · 22/02/2024 13:29

Fair enough- but wouldn't you be interested in the history of wallpaper making and the old processes? Fascinating indeed. Most people have NO idea about how wallpaper used to be designed and especially, printed, and just how intricate and complicated and very time consuming. And how colours were obtained.

I’d know more about that than a room attendant probably though.
You do get some very knowledgeable volunteers but many only know enough.
TBH I’m not NT but this is my area of work, having chats with volunteers is a bit bus man’s holiday for me.

ImRen · 22/02/2024 14:06

socialdilemmawhattodo · 20/02/2024 22:03

I fear this is the one reason I never want to volunteer as a NT room guide. I would never be able to gauge the right level of interest. But at least I would know my stuff. The last NT place I visited ( and I am a lifetime member) the room guide gave us inaccurate information (think very basic English royal history). My friend was astonished that I knew the detail - but I hadn't wanted to embarrass a lovely volunteer. But I would feedback - volunteers and paid room guides need to know.

@socialdilemmawhattodo
You wouldn't have to guess if people are interested or not. You would just have to say 'Let me know if you would like some more information'. Or whatever.

OP yanbu - it is very annoying and I've come across it a few times.

sidebirds · 22/02/2024 17:45

PickledPurplePickle · 20/02/2024 21:18

Why didn't you just ask them politely to let you look at the paintings in silence?

because she's British 🤯

hcee19 · 22/02/2024 17:49

Wonder if its something to do with those people who have nothing better to do , who like to throw paint on things they don't like.....who knows?

Snowinsummer · 22/02/2024 17:54

I think you were probably just having a bad day. Next time either wear headphones (they don’t need to be on) or just smile & tell them that you’d prefer to absorb the atmosphere yourself & will ask if you have any questions.

Fanofbrianbilston · 22/02/2024 18:00

Start talking about colonialism/imperialism/the enclosures act and they soon leave you to it 😆 not many of the volunteers are educated about the links with the properties and slavery although occasionally they do have a ‘push’ on those topics.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 22/02/2024 18:17

Wow wasn't expecting so many responses and interesting (and some not so interesting) posts!
Yes I'm grumpy at times, I'm also over 55 myself, and British as someone said! I also really enjoy feeling and being connected to people but preferably where and when I feel comfortable to do so, forced conversation with a stranger is rarely a pleasure.
I rather wish my DH had cracked his joke after our third interruption (though I said he'd better not) - he wanted to say he really enjoyed Van Dyck in Mary Poppins. Perhaps I should have let him use his words ...

OP posts:
Pliudev · 22/02/2024 18:37

I thought this might be about something else. My husband was asked to attend an open day for teachers at a NT house eager to encourage more school visits. Unfortunately, as he was showing parties of teachers around, bossy voices kept interrupting by issuing loud instructions such as YOU CAN'T STOP THERE or NOT THAT WAY. He's a poet but couldn't get a word in edgeways.
I think some volunteers are a little over invested in their role and like to feel important.
Or they might have been trying to put off the school parties.

BaroqueInterlude · 22/02/2024 18:50

Fionaville · 21/02/2024 21:30

I must be in the minority, but I actually love it when the room attendants/museum staff give a little talk on things. I linger anyway and just keep looking at the room/painting/artifact, until I'm satisfied. If I didn't want to hear it I'd say the same thing I say to shop assistants "I'm just looking, thanks"

Yes, I do too. I've often spent time afterwards online researching people they've mentioned who sound interesting, so it really does add value for me.

Greenly3 · 22/02/2024 19:41

I too visited 3 properties recently and
found the same thing happened. it is tough if you want to walk round undisturbed as it is something that I agree,body language should tell you if you want to engage or not. I understand you would feel rude saying please leave me alone. I really don’t know what the solution is. My friends and I had a lovely encounter with a guide in the drawing room of the house we visited. I get tired easily and asked if I could sit in one of the chairs . She was lovely and said I am sorry we don’t serve tea or coffee , you would enjoy one sat in that chair. It was a lovely moment.

bellocchild · 22/02/2024 20:14

We guides do get encouraged to 'Make Visits Meaningful'.

Trinity65 · 22/02/2024 20:59

Kittensat36 · 21/02/2024 07:46

I mostly visit these places with a friend whose knowledge of history, architecture and art is pretty spectacular. Many's the time I have doubled back to find him talking the volunteer into submission.

He sounds insufferable

RawBloomers · 22/02/2024 21:08

fleurneige · 22/02/2024 13:29

Fair enough- but wouldn't you be interested in the history of wallpaper making and the old processes? Fascinating indeed. Most people have NO idea about how wallpaper used to be designed and especially, printed, and just how intricate and complicated and very time consuming. And how colours were obtained.

I like to look while I’m there, if I’m enamoured by something I can read up on how it used to be made or what the significance of different aspects were. At a later date I might go back and look again, knowing some of the stuff I read up about and, on seeing it again, forming questions that I might ask of a room guide.

So I might be fascinated by the history of wallpaper making, but not while I’m trying to look at the design and, especially, not orally. I cannot concentrate on two very different things at once like that. The talking would distract me from looking at the design and I wouldn’t take in the history properly either.

In a similar but very tangential fashion, I stayed at the Alton Towers resort a few years ago. They had kiosks for you to self-check in at, but as soon as you started a staff person came up and started talking to you telling you a bunch of stuff. It was incredibly distracting so I asked her stop while I was trying to check in and she told be she wasn’t allowed to. that they had to talk to everyone checking in. She was going over (I think) some of the terms and conditions. It was one of the worst check in experiences I’ve every had (and I’ve stayed at some crummy places!).

MamaLazerou · 22/02/2024 21:09

Learn the phrase “I don’t speak English” in a really obscure language.

Even if they then start talking to you in said language look at them like you cannot understand them.

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