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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was spiteful ?

97 replies

plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:26

Ex bought me a gift card for a good hair salon. I wanted to change colour and style. He bought it t before my birthday but we broke up two weeks later. He was angry and felt I was too quick to finish with him. ( He gave me the silent treatment for the very last time and I had a snap moment )
But In an effort to curry favour he sent me a card and the gift card which was worth £250.
When I refused to go back with him he suggested I ' knew' I was going to finish with him but stayed together and ' let him go ahead and buy the gift card' which is nonsense and I presume said out of anger and loss of control over my usual nice self.
So it seems he has got his money back and the card is worthless when I called to make the appointment and check whether card was valid .
I had suspicions he might as he told me that he did similar to an ex many years ago .. which I genuinely thought was a joke.
AIBU to think this was spiteful or was he right to do this ?
And would you even acknowledge this with him?

OP posts:
NotQuiteNorma · 20/02/2024 19:28

Does it really matter what it was? You're not together.

AddictedToTea · 20/02/2024 19:28

Hmm, I’m on the fence. £250 is a lot of money. I think I’d recoup it if I could. Sorry! What would be spiteful is if he let you get your hair done then you found out the voucher was invalid.

something2say · 20/02/2024 19:29

Cease the relationship, cease the benefits. A lesson I learned early in life. His house, his family, his friends, his animals, everything that was his goes when he goes. You should not have even tried to use the card imo. Never mind, book and pay for your own cut x

CatchAButterfly · 20/02/2024 19:29

Why acknowledge it? Why give him the satisfaction of knowing it got to you?

Sneez · 20/02/2024 19:29

Yabu

CatchAButterfly · 20/02/2024 19:30

AddictedToTea · 20/02/2024 19:28

Hmm, I’m on the fence. £250 is a lot of money. I think I’d recoup it if I could. Sorry! What would be spiteful is if he let you get your hair done then you found out the voucher was invalid.

There is that too tbh. It was cheeky to keep an expensive gift given at the end of the relationship.

LostHere · 20/02/2024 19:32

Sorry but YABU.
You split, why should he pay for your hair to be done when you're no longer a couple? I would have got my money back too.

Braksonsboss · 20/02/2024 19:33

Grabby.

Original poster
plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:33

Thanks. The truth is that when he accused me of intentionally letting him buy the card despite planning to finish with him, I did promise to repay it as I didn't think he would be able to recoup the expense and that was my full intention.
He acted quicker than I .

OP posts:
DaisyandIvy · 20/02/2024 19:34

I wouldn’t expect to keep it and would not have called the salon to attempt to use it.

sharptoothlemonshark · 20/02/2024 19:36

non issue, you should have given the card straight back, but he has already sorted it, so subject closed

Original poster
plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:36

I called the salon to book my appointment regardless of gift card. I thought it spiteful not to let me know it was cancelled considering I had promised to repay him.
I may leave it lie now as it's all
Square, I think.

OP posts:
CatchAButterfly · 20/02/2024 19:36

plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:33

Thanks. The truth is that when he accused me of intentionally letting him buy the card despite planning to finish with him, I did promise to repay it as I didn't think he would be able to recoup the expense and that was my full intention.
He acted quicker than I .

So what’s the point of your post…?

sharptoothlemonshark · 20/02/2024 19:37

Actually, I don't know why you know it was refunded! You shouldn't know, because it isn't your business, as you should have given it back before he had time to do that, anyway.

Original poster
plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:38

My point is whether you thought it spiteful of him to do this without telling me he had recouped when I had promised to pay him cash. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
JovialNickname · 20/02/2024 19:42

Slightly different view but I wonder why the salon refunded, normally you can never ever get your money back on gift cards. It's not like he would be a regular customer or they owe him.a favour or anything, why would they just volunteer to give him £250 back. I wonder if he just told them they could keep the money but not let you spend the gift card! Sorry if that's the case

Original poster
plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:48

I wondered if he had given it to his mother or sister as I had promised to repay him the money thinking he wouldn't get it back.

OP posts:
MillshakePickle · 20/02/2024 19:48

Please tell me you're both in your 20s. This all sounds very immature.

And, yes it does sound very spiteful. He could have done the mature thing, held his high and walked away. No reason to cancel the gift card. It was a birthday present. You're not just going to buy someone a big ticket item, break up and demand it back.

Well done for having the foresight to check, rather than finding out at the till. You saved yourself alot of potential embarrassment.

(Super super super nosey - why did you break up?)

MillshakePickle · 20/02/2024 19:50

JovialNickname · 20/02/2024 19:42

Slightly different view but I wonder why the salon refunded, normally you can never ever get your money back on gift cards. It's not like he would be a regular customer or they owe him.a favour or anything, why would they just volunteer to give him £250 back. I wonder if he just told them they could keep the money but not let you spend the gift card! Sorry if that's the case

Some big chain salons will refund depending on what they have been told. Often as a gesture of good will.

GinaLoubie · 20/02/2024 19:50

It sounds like he didn't want to wait for you to pay so he just got a refund instead. If you are not speaking then it's understandable what he done.

MillshakePickle · 20/02/2024 19:53

Oh and me again. No, don't engage with him over it. He wants to gloat, he wanted to humiliate you, put you out of your comfort zone. Don't give him the satisfaction of even acknowledging it. Let him wonder

Original poster
plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:53

I broke up with him having been given regular silent treatment for years when I dared to question him on anything that I deemed offensive or rude.
A toxic cycle of an argument, being ignored for days and me running after him for reconciliation.
I got sick of it and the final straw was him being an asshole to my child.
He remains angry.

OP posts:
Noideawwhatsoccuring · 20/02/2024 19:54

How long ago was this?

Planning to pay him back seems to make this unnecessarily complicated.

He will just want his money back. You weren’t going to give the money until you used it. Which is fair, in case he took your money then cancelled the voucher.

The simplest thing was him to find out if he could get his money back. And he could. Nice simple fix.

It hasn’t cost you anything as you were going to pay him back anyway.

Willmafrockfit · 20/02/2024 19:55

i think he was sensible to get the money back

Jabberwonky · 20/02/2024 20:16

You split up.
Why on Earth do you think he'd honour a gift card to you?

Cripes!