Page 4 | To think this was spiteful ?

Rachelsthorns · 21/02/2024 08:49

Was he hoping you'd give him the money after he'd cancelled the gift?

I'd expect a decent person to tell you that you didn't need to reimburse him because he'd got his money back already.

Jook · 21/02/2024 08:55

plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:33

Thanks. The truth is that when he accused me of intentionally letting him buy the card despite planning to finish with him, I did promise to repay it as I didn't think he would be able to recoup the expense and that was my full intention.
He acted quicker than I .

Uh huh

tamade · 21/02/2024 08:57

You should have thrown it at him as part of the dumping, obviously

Original poster

plasticfanatic · 21/02/2024 09:35

To clarify for those who have not read the full thread ..
He bought me a gift card for a salon that I had planned to use to get my hair done , before we broke up.
We broke up.
I promised to send him the money.
He didn't acknowledge that message.
I booked my appointment and when I did so I asked if the card was still valid to use in lieu of the cash that I was returned g to him.
I wasnt sure if the card was valid as he has done this before to an ex gf and gloated about doing so .
It transpired that he did recoup the value but did not let me know, purely as an intention to embarrass me, I imagine.

OP posts:

Sdpbody · 21/02/2024 09:44

You're getting hard time here! He sounds vile. I would have said yes, lets get back together, had my hair done and dumped him. But I'm a genuine bitch.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 21/02/2024 10:05

What kind of salon operates like this.
Every voucher I’ve ever had given as a gift or bought for someone else was non refundable. Every single one, even from the little salon I go to on my High Street.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/02/2024 10:17

puzzledout · 21/02/2024 06:52

@PyongyangKipperbang would you say it was spiteful the other way around? She'd given him a voucher for a race day and he'd promised to pay her back but tried to book the race day and use the voucher first.......

I doubt it!

If she cancelled it and deliberately didn't tell him, then yes I would. And, again, he bragged to her about having done this before to an ex. So man or woman, yes it was spiteful.

zingally · 21/02/2024 10:27

TBH, if I were him, I'd probably cancel the card as well.
£250 is a lot of money to most people, and even more so when it's going to someone you're not even in a relationship with!

You were right to check the validity of the card before booking an appointment. I think you probably knew in your gut that it would be cancelled.

YoungCuriousAndLookingForAnswers · 21/02/2024 10:50

I agree. It was very reasonable for him to get a refund in the circumstances. I find it odd that you'd dump him (on what seems to be unfriendly terns) and still expect he treat you to your hair cut?! Pay for yourself.

Newchapterbeckons · 21/02/2024 10:54

No, not spiteful for him to organise a refund.
You were unhappy and did the right thing splitting up.
You can’t however spend that much of his money, and I feel some doubt you intended to pay him back. Why not just hand back the gift card?!

puzzledout · 21/02/2024 10:55

plasticfanatic · 21/02/2024 09:35

To clarify for those who have not read the full thread ..
He bought me a gift card for a salon that I had planned to use to get my hair done , before we broke up.
We broke up.
I promised to send him the money.
He didn't acknowledge that message.
I booked my appointment and when I did so I asked if the card was still valid to use in lieu of the cash that I was returned g to him.
I wasnt sure if the card was valid as he has done this before to an ex gf and gloated about doing so .
It transpired that he did recoup the value but did not let me know, purely as an intention to embarrass me, I imagine.

No, I don't think so, he didn't acknowledge your message, he had no need to, because he'd got his money back and moved on.

You should do the same.

Singlepringle1980 · 21/02/2024 10:57

Why would you accept a gift after you had split up? YABU to even care about it. Get your hair done, pay for it yourself and move on. Life is too short to be worrying about a man you don’t want to be with.

pokebowls · 21/02/2024 11:16

plasticfanatic · 21/02/2024 09:35

To clarify for those who have not read the full thread ..
He bought me a gift card for a salon that I had planned to use to get my hair done , before we broke up.
We broke up.
I promised to send him the money.
He didn't acknowledge that message.
I booked my appointment and when I did so I asked if the card was still valid to use in lieu of the cash that I was returned g to him.
I wasnt sure if the card was valid as he has done this before to an ex gf and gloated about doing so .
It transpired that he did recoup the value but did not let me know, purely as an intention to embarrass me, I imagine.

Nope still makes no sense because in your OP you state that he bought the card to curry favour after you broke up but that you refused to go back with him

but we broke up two weeks later. He was angry and felt I was too quick to finish with him. ( He gave me the silent treatment for the very last time and I had a snap moment )
But In an effort to curry favour he sent me a card and the gift card which was worth £250.
When I refused to go back with him he suggested I ' knew' I was going to finish with him but stayed together and ' let him go ahead and buy the gift card'

burnoutbabe · 21/02/2024 11:16

I would assume

A gift card for a specific salon was non refundable

I'd also assume it would have no value to my ex as he can't use it and may not have any suitable friends to gift or sell it to.

Therefore me using it and giving him the cash is the most sensible solution all round.

pokebowls · 21/02/2024 11:17

Or at least he sent you the card after you broke up. But you broke up after your birthday so if he bought it for your birthday why isn't he give it to you in your birthday?

Thisisnotarehearsal · 21/02/2024 11:22

Singlepringle1980 · 21/02/2024 10:57

Why would you accept a gift after you had split up? YABU to even care about it. Get your hair done, pay for it yourself and move on. Life is too short to be worrying about a man you don’t want to be with.

The gift was from before they split up.

They are some truly nasty people on this thread. I bet not a single one of them that is calling the OP names has given back every single gift to every single ex.

Once you give a gift, then you no longer own it. What if the ex had gifted cash in an envelope for the hairdresser? Just because he had an underhand way of taking something back, it doesn't mean he should. If he had transferred the cash into her bank account, would he have been okay to ring the bank and try and have a chargeback.

It's like giving to a charity shop and then regretting it, rather than asking for it back, just stealing it.

I hope @plasticfanatic that your ex has given back every single gift you've ever given him? According to the new rules of gift giving on this thread if not, he's grabby and you are funding him!

Anyway it sounds like you will be much happier without such a spiteful shithead in your life. Anyone who is willing to steal back a gift that was freely given during the course of a relationship is not worth having around.

dottiedodah · 21/02/2024 11:43

250 pounds is a lot .I think as you had broken up then he was in the right TBH to take it back .

puzzledout · 21/02/2024 12:03

@Thisisnotarehearsal read the OP, the gift was after they'd split up!

As it states it was his hope to get back with OP.

The response should've been, please find returned the gift voucher, I can't accept this as nothing has changed and we are not in a relationship and therefore it's not appropriate.

So no need for OP to be searching through her drawers to find other presents to return and your comments are void.

Braksonsboss · 21/02/2024 17:09

plasticfanatic · 21/02/2024 09:35

To clarify for those who have not read the full thread ..
He bought me a gift card for a salon that I had planned to use to get my hair done , before we broke up.
We broke up.
I promised to send him the money.
He didn't acknowledge that message.
I booked my appointment and when I did so I asked if the card was still valid to use in lieu of the cash that I was returned g to him.
I wasnt sure if the card was valid as he has done this before to an ex gf and gloated about doing so .
It transpired that he did recoup the value but did not let me know, purely as an intention to embarrass me, I imagine.

You’re so self centred. It probably had nothing to do with embarrassing you but him wanting his money back. I’d have done the same.

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 21/02/2024 17:39

plasticfanatic · 21/02/2024 09:35

To clarify for those who have not read the full thread ..
He bought me a gift card for a salon that I had planned to use to get my hair done , before we broke up.
We broke up.
I promised to send him the money.
He didn't acknowledge that message.
I booked my appointment and when I did so I asked if the card was still valid to use in lieu of the cash that I was returned g to him.
I wasnt sure if the card was valid as he has done this before to an ex gf and gloated about doing so .
It transpired that he did recoup the value but did not let me know, purely as an intention to embarrass me, I imagine.

Again, how long between him giving you it and you making the appointment?

Original poster

plasticfanatic · 21/02/2024 19:26

It was planned to get my hair coloured and cut two weeks after he bought the gift card. When I was booking I asked if was recouped , despite telling him that I would refund him.
Owing to him telling me that he'd done the same before to an ex, I checked first before parting with the money , in case he had done as I had expected he would do and then I would not have had to repay him rather then blindly paying him before hand and as I didn't trust him to accept the money in lieu of card, I guess I was proved right.

No, he never returned any gift I gave to him towards the end nor did he treat me to any meals out, gifts or any such expense despite him staying at mine every weekend, at my own expense.
You live and learn !

OP posts:

Loubelle70 · 21/02/2024 19:37

Thisisnotarehearsal · 20/02/2024 22:20

Yes he was spiteful.

I'm shocked at the responses on this thread. If the gift had been of the same value but in a less liquid form, say a bag or an expensive perfume would it have been okay for him to sneakily retrieve it?

No, you don't take gifts back. It's scummy behaviour

This