Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was spiteful ?

97 replies

plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:26

Ex bought me a gift card for a good hair salon. I wanted to change colour and style. He bought it t before my birthday but we broke up two weeks later. He was angry and felt I was too quick to finish with him. ( He gave me the silent treatment for the very last time and I had a snap moment )
But In an effort to curry favour he sent me a card and the gift card which was worth £250.
When I refused to go back with him he suggested I ' knew' I was going to finish with him but stayed together and ' let him go ahead and buy the gift card' which is nonsense and I presume said out of anger and loss of control over my usual nice self.
So it seems he has got his money back and the card is worthless when I called to make the appointment and check whether card was valid .
I had suspicions he might as he told me that he did similar to an ex many years ago .. which I genuinely thought was a joke.
AIBU to think this was spiteful or was he right to do this ?
And would you even acknowledge this with him?

OP posts:
unloquacious · 21/02/2024 07:15

So did you still make an appointment without the gift card at that salon?

SushiMayo · 21/02/2024 07:18

plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:38

My point is whether you thought it spiteful of him to do this without telling me he had recouped when I had promised to pay him cash. Does that make sense?

No I think its fair enough.

SushiMayo · 21/02/2024 07:19

unloquacious · 21/02/2024 07:15

So did you still make an appointment without the gift card at that salon?

Yeah have you had your appointment?

SushiMayo · 21/02/2024 07:22

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/02/2024 00:20

I think that perhaps it might have been.

From his point of view best case scenario is you pay hims £250 and then find out when you get there that the card has been refunded and then he tells you to jog on for the money you sent him. Getting it back would be possible via small claims if you had it in writing in a text or similar, but other than that very unlikely.

Worst case for him, he just gets the refund and the warm feeling of knowing how embarrassed and angry you will be when you get there and find out that it was refunded.

As it was, you checked because he has form for this and found out in advance. So I would say something. Just a very simple "My hair looks fabulous....by the way, nice try dickhead!" but I am petty like that, I wouldnt want him to think that his little plan had worked, I would want him to know that I had been one step ahead.

I wouldn't. Just go and get your hair done and put a nice pic on social media. No words needed

AcridAndStanLee · 21/02/2024 07:24

plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:38

My point is whether you thought it spiteful of him to do this without telling me he had recouped when I had promised to pay him cash. Does that make sense?

I get you. I think you have to assume that if you did hand over cash he would have said. Looks like he has just done it in his own way rather than waiting for you. It's not unreasonable but it would have been if he had accepted your cash also.

I'd have to ask the salon how he managed to get the money returned as normally its a flat no.

Blogswife · 21/02/2024 07:30

I genuinely dont see what the issue is . You were going to give him the cash for the gift card so just use that to pay instead
Youve already discussed him getting a refund or you reimbursing him so he knew your intention but as he managed to recoup the money from the salon himself you’re all square ( I think ! )

pokebowls · 21/02/2024 07:32

He bought it for your birthday which was 2 weeks before you broke up.
So why was he currying favour after you broke up by giving you the card. The timeline makes no sense. Didn't he give it to you in your birthday before the breakup? In which case it makes no sense that he was trying to win you back as you hadn't broken up yet

Springpug · 21/02/2024 07:32

I would of felt spiteful to of kept the money and had the haircut
For me the right thing is to definitely give the money back

pokebowls · 21/02/2024 07:33

plasticfanatic · 20/02/2024 19:33

Thanks. The truth is that when he accused me of intentionally letting him buy the card despite planning to finish with him, I did promise to repay it as I didn't think he would be able to recoup the expense and that was my full intention.
He acted quicker than I .

So all good then. Not sure what your problem is

Daffodilsandtuplips · 21/02/2024 07:39

Yes, it does. Would he have taken your money and the refund?

philosoppee · 21/02/2024 07:40

You were trying to use the voucher. If you were genuinely going to pay him back the fact the card was refunded would be a non-issue for you and you wouldn't have posted. Very unclassy to try to use the voucher, you should have returned it to him.

Missingmyusername · 21/02/2024 07:43

On a side note, £250 is a hell of a hair appointment. 😆

burnoutbabe · 21/02/2024 07:53

I am not sure how legal this all is.

Cancelling a physical gift card that had been given to someone? Bad form for the salon to have cancelled it -you could have found out after the treatment and been embarrassed.

Also is any gift voucher that salon issues valid? They could just reverse them it seems!

Starseeking · 21/02/2024 08:02

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing it had annoyed me. Say nothing and move on.

puzzledout · 21/02/2024 08:06

Daffodilsandtuplips · 21/02/2024 07:39

Yes, it does. Would he have taken your money and the refund?

How would we ever know?

Mores the question would OP have used the card on the appointment and not given the cash.... ?

5128gap · 21/02/2024 08:07

Would you have still wanted a hair cut at his expense after you'd split up with him? Personally I'd not have felt comfortable using it anyway so it wouldn't bother me. I'd rather he cancel than have him frame it as me staying with him for a financial benefit.

puzzledout · 21/02/2024 08:07

burnoutbabe · 21/02/2024 07:53

I am not sure how legal this all is.

Cancelling a physical gift card that had been given to someone? Bad form for the salon to have cancelled it -you could have found out after the treatment and been embarrassed.

Also is any gift voucher that salon issues valid? They could just reverse them it seems!

I'm not sure who cares how legal it is?

The OP would allegedly not have been embarrassed if the card declined because she intended to give the cash back to her ex anyway, so no issue, just use that cash.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 21/02/2024 08:10

If he’d bought an expensive necklace or other physical gift instead of a voucher, would you be expected to return it? Because gifts, once given, belong to you. I don’t have an opinion really; but I’m curious if people thing a physical gift would be different from a voucher?

Bogeyes · 21/02/2024 08:23

He's done you a favour. Now you know he not a keeper!

puzzledout · 21/02/2024 08:35

Bogeyes · 21/02/2024 08:23

He's done you a favour. Now you know he not a keeper!

And he knows she's not either! Trying to redeem the voucher..... just hand it back!

DRS1970 · 21/02/2024 08:38

Does it matter. You are free of each other. Move on with your life. It really doesn't matter if you are right or he was.

QueenBean22 · 21/02/2024 08:38

No I don’t think it was spiteful

If someone broke up with me days after spending £250 on them I would expect them to return the gift.

Hoplolly · 21/02/2024 08:39

AddictedToTea · 20/02/2024 19:28

Hmm, I’m on the fence. £250 is a lot of money. I think I’d recoup it if I could. Sorry! What would be spiteful is if he let you get your hair done then you found out the voucher was invalid.

I agree with this! I'd also not have accepted the gift in the first place.

OdinsHorse · 21/02/2024 08:41

AddictedToTea · 20/02/2024 19:28

Hmm, I’m on the fence. £250 is a lot of money. I think I’d recoup it if I could. Sorry! What would be spiteful is if he let you get your hair done then you found out the voucher was invalid.

Op found out when she phoned to book the apt, he didn't tell her

puzzledout · 21/02/2024 08:42

Itslegitimatesalvage · 21/02/2024 08:10

If he’d bought an expensive necklace or other physical gift instead of a voucher, would you be expected to return it? Because gifts, once given, belong to you. I don’t have an opinion really; but I’m curious if people thing a physical gift would be different from a voucher?

A few days before breaking up .... yes I would.

But I'd get no pleasure from someone gifting me something and then breaking up, I'm not materialistic and it would not bring me joy.