To think people are more nasty on here?

[happyelmodance]

Than other places online? Maybe because it's anonymous? For example I can post a photo of say a room in my home on here and it will have very few positive comments, and lots of very nasty ones. I post the same photo on a Facebook group and it's a very different response. It's like people are purposely disagreeing with you or looking to be able to tear you down? Don't get me wrong, there are some lovely posters on here but I've found some very spiteful ones too.

This is 💯 correct. Facebook tends to attract sycophants of the highest order, so you will never get a totally honest opinion. Mumsnet attracts the opposite, but nastiness just for the sake of it is unnecessary.

And report personal attacks and abuse.

I much prefer honest people who speak as they find over those who feign niceness to your face while saving up spiteful anecdotes to share behind your back.

This is exactly the sort of response the OP probably means.

"And why are you posting pictures of your home? " bla bla bla

Could have been worded a million tons better - and would be in real life (I bloody hope). And the most interesting part is you won't even think your post was arsy

People are rude/mean/direct (delete as you feel applicable!) because these are frequently started by the same attention-seeking poster (and generally not real).

I'm never nasty, but I am definitely more direct than I would be with someone I know. I think it because I don't have to worry about offending them and losing a friendship.

There's a difference between being truly honest and being rude and unpleasant. I think honesty is fine because that's what people are looking for on here, but to be nasty with it is unnecessary. It's all about word choice. I see no reason to be insulting when you can simply say something like 'it's not what I would choose'.

Yours is mildly incoherent, and seems to rest on the belief that all human communications should be designed to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. My point is only that anyone that sensitive to criticism or disapproval should not be posting photos of their new living room or ‘How old do I look?’ photos on an anonymous forum, precisely because they will get unvarnished opinions. Your friends and family may claim your new lime-green walls or Oompa Loompa fake tan look wonderful, but you’re not going to get that on here, where you’re just another anonymous stranger.

This site is heavily monitored. Why would it be worse than any other site?

Are there pricks? Yes. Is it the worst place? No, it's one of the best and personal attacks are deleted. Shitty opinions still stand, but I wouldn't want to be on a site where people can't give an opinion.

Usually people will pull apart rude comments anyway.

Of course.

Facebook most definitely isn't dick free either though.

Nowhere is. Online or offline.

It's subjective though in many cases, isn't it? I don't think what pp said sounded arsey at all for example.

You're not disagreeing with me in the slightest. My post was in answer to one that said MN was a brutal place. You're agreeing with me that it depends which bit of MN you're in.

@rubyredknowsitall

What was "easy" about that post you referred to?

I get tone isn't easy to pick up when things are written but there wasn't anything remarkable about that post

It also depends on how you interpret someone's post. Many posters simply don't like being disagreed with, and if someone argues with them, (especially if it's forceful/blunt), then the accusations of 'bullying' or 'you're being mean' can often follow.

I like the direct nature of Mumsnet. I can't abide the whole #bekind 'lecture' often/usually directed at women.

It's also very true, as PP have said, that in an anonymous forum you don't have to worry so much about offending someone as if they were in front of you - or if you're on somewhere like facebook, with your real name and (mostly) dealing with people you know.

Fucking hell, not this shit again.

lol, yes.

I think it's not necessarily their opinions , more like PPs being spiteful for the sake of it .

As someone who has been on here over 14 years, it has definitely become nastier.

There are plenty of helpful and kind posters but, equally, there are a lot of posters who want to show how clever, witty and superior they are by demolishing the OP.

They justify it to themselves as ‘honesty’ but frequently they just assume the worst of the OP and hammer them based on that.

All part of the charm and comedy appeal - if you can't take a joke, especially in AIBU, you shouldn't have joined.

@happyelmodance

I do think some deeply unpleasant strange people live on mn, and treat it like a play ground. Some are absolutely vile to posters.
However blunt honesty on things like rooms and taste I appreciate.

Did you not notice all the posts challenging the person who described your room as 'chavvy' and taking issue with the social housing reference? Because I didn't even see your thread, but can say with certainty that that sort of remark would not go unchallenged by the vast majority of people on here who are not nasty. Why would you judge a site by the minority?
As for the SAHM issue it's controversial and there's strong views expressed on both sides of the debate. Some people make it personal but both sides give as good as they get ime.

@Jovacknockowitch ,

You sound just like my 14 year old son who will say so, but gratuitously nasty and, when called out on it, say ‘joking!!). Luckily at 14.5, he is already growing out of it.

As I patiently explain to him, a joke has to be funny; nastiness is not, per se, humour.

I have no problem with nastiness directed at me but when people ask for help at a vulnerable time, internet bullies jumping on them isn’t pleasant.

Something gratuitously nasty…

With the whole SAHM thing, I've noticed that any judgement towards working mothers which can also get nasty is conveniently ignored.

Like you said, it absolutely goes both ways with each giving as good as they get.

I've been on here at least ten years and every two weeks or so there has been a thread about how nasty it is.