To think people are more nasty on here?

[happyelmodance]

Than other places online? Maybe because it's anonymous? For example I can post a photo of say a room in my home on here and it will have very few positive comments, and lots of very nasty ones. I post the same photo on a Facebook group and it's a very different response. It's like people are purposely disagreeing with you or looking to be able to tear you down? Don't get me wrong, there are some lovely posters on here but I've found some very spiteful ones too.

I think it's absolutely awful on here that when someone posts about something that's upset them, like say their SIL didn't get them a birthday card and it hurt them, or say their neighbour was rude - the majority of the responses will be one liner passive aggressive unpleasant smart arse comments. It's just rude!!

I do hope these miserable posters would be happy with their children receiving those kind of responses that they so happily dish out to others seeking advice...

But that’s just disagreement — you will find that anywhere unless you live in an echo chamber where everyone else defaults to bigging you up and validating your choices. Absolutely you will encounter some unpleasant comments on here, but I can’t help but feel some posters have never been disagreed with in their lives from the way they react to disagreement which is not ad hominem, but is brusque but civil.

And yes, if you want unanimous approval of a room’s decor or an outfit/haircut/ engagement ring/holiday itinerary, an anonymous online forum is not the place to post. Taste is subjective, and people online on a giant anonymous forum aren’t going to be constrained by politeness the way your friends would be as you proudly show them your Fifty Shades of Grey Hinch Tribute decor or say you’ve registered your baby as Chadley Ernesto.

Yes but the posters replying to you on Facebook aren't anonymous. Even if you don't know them, I think it feels very different to post things under your name.

Yep! I've even found Reddit kinder.

You’re not looking at the majority of Reddit then. You might as well claim that about 4Chan (if it still exists)

I think the demographic is different. I’m convinced there’s a lot of men on here stirring the pot anonymously.

Very much so.

Of course it can’t be women being mean for some reason?

Mumsnet can be a wonderful support to posters on some threads and it's lovely to see but unfortunately there's a lot of aggressive posters too .on any SAHM thread I know within minutes certain posters will appear to tear the op apart and then start arguing with anyone who agrees with the op .They appear on every one of the threads about that subject like they seek them out just waiting to attack and stamp on anyone who thinks different.

Alongside the mean women I’m convinced there are mean men.

I agree.

Some people can't cope with being disagreed with.

No it isn't just a "disagreement" as you put it, people are going on to specific forum for style and beauty and specifically asking advice from people who they expect to know and care about such things and its just shitty to try and shame them for doing so or perhaps they could try saying things in a kinder way if they really have such a problem with it.

It would be different if a person when on AIBU reasonable and posted that "AIBU to think that everyone who has botox looks better than those who don't" If people want to pile in on that then fine but it really is like people here just can't wait to find any vulnerability or chance to stick it to another person in the unkindest way possible, its totally pathetic in my view.

People can disagree, that is fine but it could be done respectfully. However the way they say it, its not just a that's not my cup of tea or I wouldn't chose that its so nasty and spiteful and obviously worded to try and hurt and shame people, just vile behaviour and its rife on here, but of course I think some sad individuals get off on it.

What people say on here gives a good indication of what people are thinking in real life. Whatever the range of comments you had on here about your room for example - that range will equally exist in RL among people you know.

And that's fine. What someone else thinks about your decorating or clothes or whatever really doesn't matter. You like it. My house is white and grey. A combination that is much loathed on here. 😁. Do I give a fuck? No I do not.

The thoughts we keep to ourselves in real life are often not because we want to be nice or we are nice but because we want to be seen as nice or we want to avoid any real life consequences. So my friend probably wouldn't come into my house and voice her thoughts but I put my house up for online review? I'd better brace myself. 😂

My point is, people will be people. Good, bad and everything in between. Caring about what they think is a choice you make

I agree, there are lots of posts and commenters lately who read like they are steeped in odd incel /red pill /manosphere ideology. They often word it like they are women but I think there are males here deliberately trying to provoke women into agreeing with their ideology or to say things that will affirm their anti-women sentiments. Its quite obvious actually and surprising so many seem to fall for it.

Disagreement is fine, being a dick is just being a dick, no need for it.

@solidgolddust, I think there’s a difference between asking for advice before you do something and posting after you’ve done it. ‘Should I paint my living room lime green with ‘pops’ of cerise’?’ will get different replies to ‘Here is my newly-decorated living room!’

I haven’t seen any of this. Perhaps I don’t spend enough time here.

Well I'm hardly ever on here and I've seen it.

There was a thread about interiors recently and the snobbery on it was next level.

Every other person sneering at B and M, Dunelm, IKEA and the Range.

If you don’t like how a thread is going, or if you’re finding it too ‘difficult’ for any reason, then there’s the option to hide it. Hide it and move on. It’s so easy.

And how old do I look thread , if someone claims to look younger than their age and posts a pic of themselves looking eg 45, there'll be posters falling over themselves to say they guess they are 75 or their nan is 98 and looks about the same! 🙄

Well that doesn't really apply to the post I made that you responded to with your "that's just a disagreement" then does it? I specifically mentioned a situation where a person was asking for advice and was shamed for it in a nasty way.

I think its fine to disagree and have different tastes and preferences, we all do but they can be put in civil terms but if someone feels the need to be nasty, to put other people down in the course of putting their opinion across then they are just being a shit to make themselves feel a bit superior or whatever.

But what is your issue with that? It’s just people’s subjective opinions, delivered rather more frankly than they would if you knew them…?

Why on earth would anyone start a ‘how old do I look’ thread’?

I've got no idea, I'd never post my own pic (it surely defeats the idea of an anonymous forum for a start) but it seems to invite people to be nasty!