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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So emotional to move our from family home

68 replies

rowin · 20/02/2024 10:48

Hi all,

Im 26 and still live with my parents and my brother. I have recently been looking at houses.

I am now in a position to move out and will be putting an offer in this week on a house that I like.

However, the whole thing is tinged with sadness. I feel really upset about moving out of my family home. I am so close with my parents and my brother, and I love spending time with them and even just sitting watching tv with them in the evenings etc. We have such a special relationship.

The thought of moving out and not being surrounded by my family anymore is a horrible feeling and the thought of never living with them and life as I know it now is making me so emotional I have tears in my eyes writing this.

The house in question is only 5 minutes away so is not far.

I just feel as though I am leaving my family behind and that things will never be the same again.

Aibu in feeling like this? Has anyone else felt like this before?

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 20/02/2024 10:49

Whilst that's really sweet, you need to grow up some time op. Smile

anniz91 · 20/02/2024 10:51

rowin · 20/02/2024 10:48

Hi all,

Im 26 and still live with my parents and my brother. I have recently been looking at houses.

I am now in a position to move out and will be putting an offer in this week on a house that I like.

However, the whole thing is tinged with sadness. I feel really upset about moving out of my family home. I am so close with my parents and my brother, and I love spending time with them and even just sitting watching tv with them in the evenings etc. We have such a special relationship.

The thought of moving out and not being surrounded by my family anymore is a horrible feeling and the thought of never living with them and life as I know it now is making me so emotional I have tears in my eyes writing this.

The house in question is only 5 minutes away so is not far.

I just feel as though I am leaving my family behind and that things will never be the same again.

Aibu in feeling like this? Has anyone else felt like this before?

Your lucky your parents are able to let you stay for that long. Been kicked out at 21 which just strained the relationship. Parents these days push independence too soon!

coldcallerbaiter · 20/02/2024 10:51

Happens to most people, you need a new phase in life, you might establish your own family home.

TastyLikeARaindrop · 20/02/2024 10:51

You are lucky to have such a loving family. Enjoy your independence while still having them close by.

Original poster
rowin · 20/02/2024 10:53

Thanks everyone, I'm an emotional wreck I don't know what's wrong with me 😂

It's harder because my family love having me here, so it makes me feel worse. Especially me and my brother were very close in age so I kind of feel like I'm leaving him if that makes sense

It's around a 5 minute walk from my family home, the way I'm talking you could swear I'm moving half way across the world!

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 20/02/2024 10:55

I would say you are in an ideal position in that you can still live so close. I had moved hundreds of miles away by your age as had DH. My career choice was not available in the little rural idyll I grew up in. It is fine to feel a little sad but do not let it overwhelm you. Imagine being able to invite them round for a nice Sunday roast all of your own making. You and your Mum will be able to pick stuff out to furnish your home together.

It will never be quite the same again but you have loving parents and they are still your parents.

ancienticecream · 20/02/2024 10:58

I get it, but I'm glad you're close by!

My aunt visits my grandparents almost every single day. It's quite sweet.

BobbyBiscuits · 20/02/2024 11:01

Well done for being in a position to get your own place at 26. Of course it's daunting moving out, it's a big step and perfectly natural. As you say they are 5 mins away. Have them round the new place, make them dinner, ask for advice or help with DIY, shop for furnishings together. Make it something positive that your family will gain from. Another nice space where you can all meet and it's yours. All yours! 😀

FictionalCharacter · 20/02/2024 11:05

You’re actually very lucky. You’ll have your own home - which will be wonderful - but your parents’ home is close by. They will be happy to see you when you visit and you’ll be happy to see them. It’s the perfect way to leave home.

Rhythmisadancer · 20/02/2024 11:13

Aww it's lovely that you appreciate your family and that you have such positive associations with the home you grew up in. You're very lucky to be moving close by, and will have the opportunity to put in place all the best bits of extended family life, whether it's Friday night dinner, Sunday lunch or whatever, and still be able to move into the next exciting chapter of your independent life.
Nostalgia is a type of pain but it can be quite a nice iyswim, so just have a little wallow and then try to focus on the positives.

Original poster
rowin · 20/02/2024 11:13

Thanks everyone, you are all right.

I keep thinking that I am 26 so it is about time that I move out in to my own place, it's just hard and I don't like the thought of change.

Even if I decided to stay here for another few years, id probably be feeling like this when the time comes anyway, I don't think id ever be overjoyed with the whole thing I think I'll always be sad about it

OP posts:
Original poster
rowin · 20/02/2024 11:15

@Rhythmisadancer thank you for your lovely comment, you are so right.

Your correct about nostalgia, thinking about childhood / teenage years, my family, our memories and dynamic etc keeps me up at night. I just wish I could stay this age and in this situation forever

OP posts:
TheSandHurtsMyFeelings · 20/02/2024 11:18

It's lovely that you have such a close bond with your family. Independence is important too, though, and you are very fortunate to be able to afford to buy your own home at 26.

Enjoy the positives you will get from moving out - freedom, independence, an opportunity to carve out your own life - alongside the love and security you clearly get from being around your family. You're in a great position, make the most of it!

CookStrait · 20/02/2024 11:23

Try staying in a hotel for a short while & see how you feel. You will eventually get used to it, if not there’s no reason why you can’t stay with your family if you really want to. You could build a small house in the garden.

daisiesandpeonies · 20/02/2024 11:29

Sending hugs op Flowers I moved out at 26 too - I cried all the way to my new flat! It's hard when you're close to your family and they like you being home too, but you obviously believe it's time or you wouldn't be leaving. Your family home may still feel more like 'home' for the time being - a safe place to visit when you need to recharge. Now that I'm married with a family of my own, my own house feels like 'home'. Good luck Flowers

DifferentAlgebra · 20/02/2024 11:29

OP, are you an unusually timid homebody? Did you go away to university or to travel? Have you never lived away from your parents’ house or by yourself, ever? It’s nice that you’re so close to your parents, but fundamentally their job is to render you an independent adult, capable of existing solo in the world. Your relationship will move to a new phase now, if you’ll let it.

Original poster
rowin · 20/02/2024 11:35

@daisiesandpeonies thank you for your kind words, it's comforting to hear that you felt the same and managed.

It's strange isn't it, I can't imagine anywhere else other than here feeling like home to me.

The thought of having my own place and decorating how I want, having friends over, etc is exciting but my family will always be at the back of my mind x

OP posts:
Original poster
rowin · 20/02/2024 11:36

@DifferentAlgebra I moved out for uni for 3 years but I think it was different as I knew that was temporary.

I go on many holidays, am always out doing things with friends and my boyfriend, I'm not one to just sit in the house.

I think it's the comfort of knowing that I get to come home to my parents and brother, it's my home. The thought of not being here anymore is scary.

OP posts:
Baldieheid · 20/02/2024 11:39

How old is your brother? Maybe you could house share part of the time? 5 mins from your family is fab, you'll see them all the time.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 20/02/2024 11:40

What do your parents think?
Do they want you to go or are they happy for you to stay?
It doesn't sound like you're ready to fly the nest.
If you have a mortgage/deposit in place could you change to a buy to let mortgage?
It'll be a bit more expensive but you could buy a place, give it to a letting agency on a guaranteed rent scheme and stay at home a while longer then you'd be on the property ladder and hopefully getting enough income to cover the mortgage.
Exp did this, guaranteed rent through an agency which covers the mortgage

Lampslights · 20/02/2024 11:43

Op, it is time to live independently, failure to launch is not a positive or to be looked at fondly.

You have made this move as minimal as you can, by moving as close as you can, but it is a step in the right direction, a good one. Once you have your independence you will thrive, and live a healthy adult life. Learning to manage your own home, from the diy to the bills to the decor is a life skill. As is learning to live independently.

well done on doing this, it’s a positive, and no parent wants a child who fails to launch unless it is unavoidable. As sad as it is when a child flies the nest, it is a hugely positive step and it is absolutely in everyone’s favour.

Original poster
rowin · 20/02/2024 11:52

Thanks all.

To answer a few questions, my brother is 27. He has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend (who I will be moving in with), I think that if he and his girlfriend had moved out first it would be slightly easier. I think it's because I'm the first it seems harder.

I know that is is absolutely the right decision, my parents love having me and my brother here and have always said that we can stay as long as we want. But they have also been helping my house hunt etc so are of course happy for me to be taking the next step.

I could happily live here with my family forever, but realistically I don't want to be in my 30s and still living at home. I know it's right but it still makes me so sad I don't like the thought of change and this chapter closing.

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 20/02/2024 11:57

I think this is lovely OP. You read such awful things on here about shitty families so it's refreshing to hear that you're so close to yours.

It sounds like a perfect scenario, your own place with your BF, yet near to your parents so you can pop in for a cuppa/dinner. Any change is scary, it's normal.

MojoDojoCasaHouse · 20/02/2024 11:57

This is something I can’t relate to at all. I was very independent and couldn’t wait to move out although I have a great relationship to my parents who live close by now (they moved closer to me).

Can you recognise how incredibly fortunate you are and focus on that?

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/02/2024 11:59

Rent a room to your brother!