So emotional to move our from family home

[rowin]

Hi all,

Im 26 and still live with my parents and my brother. I have recently been looking at houses.

I am now in a position to move out and will be putting an offer in this week on a house that I like.

However, the whole thing is tinged with sadness. I feel really upset about moving out of my family home. I am so close with my parents and my brother, and I love spending time with them and even just sitting watching tv with them in the evenings etc. We have such a special relationship.

The thought of moving out and not being surrounded by my family anymore is a horrible feeling and the thought of never living with them and life as I know it now is making me so emotional I have tears in my eyes writing this.

The house in question is only 5 minutes away so is not far.

I just feel as though I am leaving my family behind and that things will never be the same again.

Aibu in feeling like this? Has anyone else felt like this before?

I was all excited saving up, but the day I got the keys and walked in I cried inside. I actually cried in the evening for 2 weeks and wanted to go home. It took time, I missed my parents a lot. Take your time, invite friends over etc and start some hobbies (if you have time from decorating)! Good luck.

What? Complete opposite as far as I can see.
Everyone I know left home pretty much straight after uni in the early 80s and we're all fine.

I just feel as though I am leaving my family behind and that things will never be the same again.

Well yeah, you are, and they won't. This is normal - as is feeling a bit sad about it and noticing those feelings. But honestly, not all feelings have to be given weight and respect and certainly not acted on. You are learning to be resilient and feel worried but know you have to do it anyway. You've been given a hugely stable base so this is the next important zone of adulthood. Not all positive changes feel comfortable!

26!! People throughout history have had babies and run countries and won wars and produced great works of art and lived through immeasurable danger and protected others. And you and your boyfriend are still with your mum like big lumpy teenagers.

You say your family is totally harmonious and they seem to have welcomed your boyfriend there too. I guarantee the only way five adults live without friction is that someone is sublimating their needs. You and bro are blissfully happy - so my money is on your parents.

Why can't they live as a couple/have sex on the kitchen counter etc etc? They need you all to leave!

You're all enmeshed - which is further evidenced by you feeling guilty at "leaving your brother". Your model is that love means being there all the time. Time to learn some new skills and ways of being. And do notice this pattern as it might be unhelpful for you and boyfriend in future too.

I bought my first home at 22 and moved 1/4 mile away, I swear I was homesick for a couple of months.

then I settled and knew I’d never go back.

it will pass.

@Immemorialelms what an odd odd comment, your a strange person no offence😂 'sex on the kitchen counter' I have no words hahahaha

Thank you everybody. This thread is from February but just an update, I've moved in now and everything is fine.

I was quite emotional for the first few days, infact I was an emotional wreck! But as time has gone on I feel a lot more settled and this feels like my home now which I never thought would happen. Thank you for the lovely supportive comments x

It's good that you are moving out so can extricate yourself from your incredibly close family mesh before a partner and/or kids come along - it sounds like you could be back on MN otherwise with "I like to take my kids to my parents for breakfast, lunch and tea every day but my partner says he would like time as just our family - AIBU?"

Do you really want to move out or do you think it’s something that you should be doing? As no reason why you can’t just stay longer, save more money and when you do buy you can borrow less money. Win win.

Thank you, but read my update this thread is 6 months old😊 x

How do you think you got here🤣

@ssd just an odd statement to make about my parents which I definitely could have done without envisioning 🤣🤣

My first "proper" move was about 60 miles away when I was 23. It was a difficult transition, but I'm glad I did it, and in time you start to value your own space.

@rowin how is life now, 6 months down the line? Were you very sad when you first moved to your new house? Do you pop back regularly to see your family or have you developed a new routine?

Just interested as I'll be the mum in this scenario one day not far away! My daughter is talking already about staying in her university city instead of moving home next year but in the next breath talks about how nice it would be to live close to us!

@SingingSands I was really sad at the start, I couldn't stop crying (pathetic I know lol) I think I just didn't like the thought of change.

But I've settled really well now and am enjoying my own space. I pop back quite regularly to my parents house as it's only down the road and they look after my dog for me while I go to work or go out etc. If my boyfriend is in football training I'll pop over and spend the evening with them it's really nice.

Aww good luck with your daughter, I never think of this scenario from the parents perspective! X

Sounds like a really nice balance! Thanks for replying!

Glad you've launched and are enjoying yourself OP. I think it's telling that the idea of your parents having an adventurous fun life of their own is quite so shocking to you though ;)

@Immemorialelms lol!! Ignorance is bliss and all that...😆

Very good to hear. Congratulations.