To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

And people our age (30’s/40’s), have so little time, it actually makes you prioritise what is more important. To me, eating a Valentines Meal at home, snuggled up on the sofa with our favourite film, would win any day over a restaurant (and I do still like to go out). The price of going out has gone up so much, most people I know have cut back on going out in some way or another. And if you go to a mid-range restaurant/pub, you can often buy similar food in places like M&S thats even nicer.

I went for a friends birthday to a restaurant in our town, Friday night, and apart from our group, every other table was an older group of friends (60’s upwards). People are cutting back right now.

I voted yanbu but I don't live in the UK anymore, and I don't think what you have said applies to where i live, interestingly - I live on mainland Europe - it is still alive and feels personable and vibrant where I am, though it always feels around 5 years behind the UK and it makes me feel even sadder to read this to think that what you are seeing will come here...

There is a bit more violence here now, more graffiti, more anger. Since covid i have felt a difference. But not huge, and not the sort of things you describe.

It is probably worth looking at this in a global way. Compare how the UK and the US are to emerging countries, other cultures, for example, both good and bad. Many countries seem vibrant still. There are probably clues there as to what has happened and what could be done about it.

Thank you for articulating something that has been fermenting in my brain for a while. I have reached a stage where I almost hate leaving my house, it does feel "odd" out there, as if there is an undercurrent of something unpleasant bubbling under the surface. I live in Nottingham which of course has been in the news for those horrific murders which deeply affected so many people. Now we are dealing with a "bankrupt" council, massive spending cuts which is apparently going to include the closure of nearly all the libraries, public toilets, switching off the fountains in the city square, only cleaning the streets 4 times a year and potentially increasing the council tax by 15%. The streets are already filthy in the area I live in, flytips everywhere, open drug dealing and street drinking, so when I do go out I see horrible sights and anti-social behaviour . Just walking to the bus stop makes me feel tense and angry. People seem so detached from each other as if there is no longer any "common good", no positive connections to each other. I know people are really struggling just to get by now and I think that leaves very little energy for social engagement. All this has come hard on the heels of the pandemic which I think has traumatised the nation, especially as we find out more and more about the corruption and heartless way the government responded to the worst peacetime crisis most of us will ever have to live through. I have a couple of friends with teenage children whose mental health is poor and I think this is very much a result of what they lived through in the pandemic years. I also notice that I can hardly bear to think of those days. I worked for the NHS and although I was not frontline all my work was connected to Covid, I live alone and it nearly broke me, it felt as if there was no escape from it. I have never processed it, just shut it off in a box in my head marked "do not open". So yes, I agree, it feels odd and unsettling out there as if we are on the brink of some sort of upheaval. I guess it is the lack of hope that better days are coming, I have never felt this way before

‘Phone addiction and living in a virtual world is really damaging humans’
spot on!

Younger people, however, have never lived a life without these. So they will not recognise the difference or the change in human nature.

The change has absolutely nothing to do with the Government or the cost of living. Things started changing with the use of mobile phones, social media and gaming.

I just think it’s a consequence of an older population as places have lost their “buzz” & also COL where people also can’t afford to go out.

I have noticed an awful lot more rudeness, laziness, flakiness, selfishness and entitlement since covid. I work with the general public. I do also agree about the political influence. The current government don’t care about people and they don’t engage. And the rich/poor gap seems wide; I notice a lot more resentment and envy around than I did when I was younger.

Agree people are completely disengaged with lots of things- work, politics and living in society.

an anxiety that things are unravelling.

pretty much sums up the feeling for me

We were only really in lockdown, as a country, for two months. Already by May 2020 you had the conga street parties and a lot people were going abroad on holiday that summer. Then you did get some less severe regional lockdowns that winter (based on tiers).

By summer 2021 everything was open again and back to normal.

I agree with a PP that the government have destroyed the Social Contract. I feel hopeful knowing they are on their way out but at the minute we are in the Waiting Place. Which is not a good place to be.

There is a study from the ONS on personal happiness and wellbeing which puts some stats behind this Personal well-being in the UK - Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk)

@User135644 I think the regional lockdowns and tiering did have more impact than those outside it realised - a good friend who lives just outside Oldham, who herself has plenty of resources and a nice lifestyle, kept us up to date about that.

Tbh though, if anyone is listening to the Rest is History podcasts about 1974 might end up feeling pretty good about the state of the country now!

This is true in my opinion, the thing that was better in the past is that you, the listener to the music were younger, you were hopefully strong and fit and had optimism for the future and that is what you recall.

Who knows, maybe we're in the golden age now

Quite a high percentage of people in my social circle (which includes people from their 30s through to their 70s) who, 10+ years ago, used to be interesting people to talk to just aren't like that any more. We'd go to the pub or for a walk or dinner or whatever and the conversation would be rewarding and interesting and often very funny: people talked about ideas, made fun of themselves, told anecdotes, enthused about books, art, travel... We don't do so much of that any more.

Some of them, particularly those on Twitter, have become very much more cautious about saying anything in case people find it offensive and take against them. Some of them get ridiculously angry about things they would have laughed at a few years ago. Some are their old chatty, relaxed selves with me and a few others, but are noticeably quiet around other 'friends'. It's as if trust has been broken.

We know too much about each other these days. We've discovered that people we admired and took seriously can be seduced into believing the nonsense. Much-loved sensible friends have fallen for the Best Life crap and are posting pix of them snogging and saying how much they love each other on FB while we know the relationship is foundering. People we've had round to supper for many years turn out to hold extreme and unpleasant views. We see people going along with lies and pretending they're the truth (the trans lie is the most obvious) and we realise how little integrity our friends and colleagues have. The contents of so many peoples' thoughts on SM reveals that even people we thought were independent-minded and astute are actually as shallow and easily led as the herd. The mystery and trust that held society together is vanishing fast and leaving all of us exposed and scared of what's going to happen next.

Everyone's angry and stressed because we're over-stimulated with information and decisions we can't possibly fully understand and have no power to do anything about — and yet we're addicted to it. Online dating and porn has revealed a vast gap between the sexes and brought the whole concept of committed, loving relationship to its knees. The complexity of everything overwhelms us. We aren't made to be able to contain all this stuff.

The whole hollow, unstable foundation on which society is based has been horribly exposed and we don't have religion to fall back on any more. There is nothing to believe in except crazy ideas and escaping to Mars (where we'll start more wars ). The prime minister and president of the USA are revealed as lying fools. We are all little lone boats bobbing about on the great sea of life and the number of people we feel we can genuinely trust and rely on has shrunk because so many of the people we looked to for companionship on the voyage have revealed themselves to be angry, hypocritical liars and fools.

Does that answer your question, OP?

Now as compared to the 70s is a huge improvement, but as compared to 15 years ago it’s shocking.

I just find most people in public really rude and unfriendly now. They also have zero awareness of other people around them.

@Allfur I do think there are some things too that make it a better age. I think people do things differently, for the better - there is more challenge when people are uncivil to each other. Sexist office banter, casual racism, casual homophobia, attitudes to mental health, domestic abuse and differences (different and additional needs) have seen some change. I remember as a child in the 80's one of my neighbours took their own life and nobody would discuss it, it was seen as a source of shame for the family (Irish Catholic). My poor Mum was forced to marry as a 16 year old as she got pregnant with me (luckily she adored my dad and they are still together now). My aunty was dyslexic and had no support in school at all, and she was very bright but didn't reach her potential.

I work hybrid, 3 days in the office and 2 days at home and that definitely feels better. There seems to be more creativity in jobs too - you are no longer expected to have a 'job for life' - I have had 27 roles in my 44 years.

I think food knowledge is better now - I was not taught a thing about healthy eating in school. My DC all talk about healthy food choice (but middle child still chooses crap!) but they know about processed food and sugar in drinks etc. I know lots of people worry about TikTok and I do too but some of the things my DC teach me from there is unbelievable. The amount of knowledge and information available and 'how to' guides via Youtube videos is amazing. YouTube taught me how to fix my washer!

Interesting a minor at best effect.

Thing is though I'm nor more anxious or depressed personally - it's more a vibe out in public.

Also covid, cost of living impacts haven't been uniform.

Some of the major stresses in my family are NHS issues with older relatives and lack of teachers with DC - secondary school worst affected but they have a massive decline in behaviour as well. If we could have afforded to buy in best school catchment its likely impact on my kids would be less. If we drove we'd avoid public transport strike impact and daily interactions with public.

So I don't think all areas or social networks are affected - but I do think it's a lot of things adding to it all negative zeitgeist.

Now as compared to the 70s is a huge improvement, but as compared to 15 years ago it’s shocking.

wasn’t their strong wage growth in the 70s

I think the tech thing was embedded long before Covid, the idea that Covid destroyed the social lives of the young is a media fantasy IMO.

"We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills."

I find this a strange comment, although I like your post, this has been happening since mobiles got popular in the early 2000`s, and when Android phones turned up it started to be very common to see groups out not talking to each other looking at their individual phones, this has been happening for at least a couple of decades!

I'm very much 'checked out' of reality/society. I don't really socialise that much and I wfh long hours every day. Too much doomscrolling, too much slobbing around in comfy sweats, I veer between hardly any sleep and too much. I can't remember the last time I bought something fashionable to wear and I can't be bothered. I have no motivation. And I think a lot of people are like this now too.

Addressing this first as it changes the tone of everything - I didn't say I missed laughing. Luckily, I still have a lot of laughs!

There are too many posts to address but interesting to see how many people feel like this.

@PermanentTemporary said it feels like 1991 - yes, it does! Nail on head! it's like the 1991 and 1997 periods....the unease, the repossessed signs....the streets you had to avoid even if they were the most direct route to a place.

I remember all the things that led to ASBOs being brought in and I wasn't optimistic that it would help, but now I think it did maybe?

The amount of dog poop and litter around feels like my childhood - late 70s. I can't remember how that changed or why it changed....Keep Britain Tidy campaigns?

Some of these replies have come from people including those not even born in 1991 so no memories of that to link to - the 70s are a history book to many of you who are also getting a weird vibe.

reference to Soma is thought provoking.

Anyway, I don't like to spend too much time online but thank you all for your responses. I suppose 1991 and 1997 passed and this will too!

Yes, but serious inflation as well. People were much happier in the 1970s, anyone saying otherwise didnt experience it IMO.