To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

In respects to tech, My DH was telling me that in his field 20 years ago a small team of experienced engineers with a few graduates and a tech (all based in the one office) could design a fairly large infrastructure project in about 6 months. A similar project now has a 150 people on it, takes years to do and costs hundreds of millions of pounds before it ever gets to construction. Yes things are done differently, the improvement in tech means that potential issues are hopefully found through modelling before works begin and there are more up to day standards and regulations to meet but with teams being based all over the world, working remotely from each other and getting lost in the minutia of procedure, endless meetings and software glitches time and money is being wasted. There is a reason why projects like HS2 spin out of control on time and budget. Tech can be a wonderful thing and helpful but we haven't quite learned yet how to marshal its uses to our benefit.

I don't know how all that bodes for something like AI, I suspect we are heading into dangerous waters with the usual human hubris.

This is sad, but so true, we used to visit a town half an hour from us pretty often (amazing beach and just a nice day/eve out)

not going to bother anymore sadly, the beach is now full of groups of young men opening doing drugs, the beautiful parks are always full of police running to get another fight/stabbing, my daughter went to a concert down there last year and we had to pass people doing drugs in the stairwell of the car park at night, drunks everywhere making inappropriate comments (one to my 10 year old) they were scared and it’s now so intimidating 😔 just another thing we can no longer look forward to or enjoy.

@surprisehail

Sorry but there is no way that 20yrs ago a large infrastructure project could be designed with in 6m with a small team. What stage design is he talking about?

We have increased accountability in terms of H&S, carbon, environment, community relations etc which does increase our project size, but there is no way you could design even a small infrastructure project from scratch in 6m 20yrs ago.

I have worked for nearly 20yrs in construction as an architect, engineer, and project manager on buildings and large infrastructure projects in the UK and abroad (including Crossrail and HS2), and this is definitely not the case.

Tech in construction is one of the most widely used and understood applications, we have been using it for years, it is responsible for the huge reduction in work related accidents. We have drones surveying vast areas of land which would take lots of people a lot of time. We have clash detection models that mean we can speed up coordination meetings. There have always been international specialists and instead of waiting for things or having to visit them, we can have a quick video call or send emails.

The failings of HS2 were absolutely not down to technology.

@Shivermetimbers13 I suppose nowadays you don't get involved because you don't want to get stabbed, a few years ago an elderly man confronted a group of youths who were harassing his neighbour and they beat him with a hammer. He was a good man to stand up to them but I wouldn't want my loved ones putting themselves in that kind of danger. Of course if you call the police its a gamble as to when or if they will ever turn up, I suppose we can blame the Tories for a lot of these issues and how they cut funding to basic services.

@Outthedoor24 While I agree in many ways that people are more selfish and that connections with wider family have broken down its also true that not every family is a happy, safe place. Lots of families are abusive and unsafe and if people find the strength to walk away from those kinds of situations then I think that is a positive thing.

Maladaptive dreaming can disastrously affect a person’s mental health and interactions with the world.

Technology and society’s embrace of ‘be whoever you want to be’ have created entire industries supporting people to become addicted to maladaptive dreaming

why bother to make an effort in reality when you can create your own reality

why bother interacting with humans who may have their own needs/wants/unpredictability when you can use a programme that will do as you say and respond as you wish

the lines between reality and virtual reality are blurring for some people and not helped by stuff irl seeming like it should be a film plot (Trump, pandemic et al)

what this means for the behaviour of individuals is already showing - rape/abuse in virtual worlds and a disconnect between the experience of a victim and the actions of the perpetrator in the real world

that last point is particularly troubling because as the age children are introduced to tech can be so young we need to be much much more careful about ensuring they clear that real life can’t be ‘reset’, and that real life people don’t have a ‘healing’ button or multiple lives

I agreed with most of your post but I find it odd that you've included in there people who are up at 5am walking the dog and taking care of themselves with a healthy diet... To me, those are choices you only make if you're very much interested in helping yourself live a good life and you're content.

So for those specific examples, I think maybe there's just been more of a diversification of what is 'acceptable' and people who like to get up at 5am and walk the dog by themselves no longer have to prefer to enjoy spending all their time around others. Which is a good thing, as people can be themselves.

But I agree with your other points. Things do feel a bit weird.

Same. I spent hours on Sat and Sun with my litter pickers and a bin bag by the beach. Next day it was all back again. I don't understand the mindset, really gets me down. For the sake of looking at, and living in, a clean environment, I'd pick litter every day if I could.
It's symptomatic of the attitude OP's describing I suppose. That's what I find really depressing - that something much more fundamental has been eroded, just as OP said. I think a lot of us are carrying that feeling around with us - an anxiety that things are unravelling.
I know the topic is a hard one, but thanks to all for your posts - this is such a calm and thoughtful thread that feels full of solidarity!

Exactly what i am seeing too - with WFH people are not as stressed out, people are getting to see their kids more, have more time at the weekend's. I live in a touristy area and recently had a little revamp with new foot paths etc around - you can see it now with evenings getting brighter and better weather , more people out and about in evenings and weekends - more so than you would have seen before- i for one without WFH wouldn't be bale to do some of what i do now, it has been a real eye opener - The less tired feeling aswell really helps

@Wictc Well he's a principal engineer with over 25 years of experience in his industry so he certainly knows what he is talking about. I also made clear in my post that regulations etc have changed which add extra time to projects. I have no idea who you are or what you actually do so I'll believe my DH if its all the same to you. If you are in the industry then you must see how projects are frequently mismanaged and how costs spiral.

Smart phones and social media are one of the biggest problems facing Western civilisation. We just do not realise it yet or understand the magnitude of the issue we are all guilty of perpetuating.

I am truly scared for our future generations and not because of war or climate change or any of the other ills of the world. It's phones, devices and SM that are terrifying.

You might have cracked on when the lockdowns lifted, many students university couldn't go back Many older people, vulnerable people scared witless or with health issues couldn't or wouldn't. My four year old grandson and others got eczema from all the antibac gel they had to use time and again all day at school. They froze with open windows and fire doors all winter. My grandson became germ phobic which didn't come from his parents. Kids at secondary school wearing masks all day.

Masks still in restaurant, supermarket, shops . Two in two out at the pharmacy. Standing in the rain outside the GP surgery to speak into a machine. following lines /footprints on the floor.

It wasn't just a few bloody months!!

I felt this yesterday OP, can't put my finger on anything specific,and would feel silly articulating it , but it's that feeling of everything feels 'off'. I've been likening things to the film idiocracy for a while but it feels like we really are nearly there, I went to the clothing bank in the local supermarket,and because there is ' rubbish there , albeit in a supposedly organised way ie you put your stuff in the requisite containers people had just fly tipped bags of shite there, there is a municipal tip less than ten minutes drive away, so what the fuck? Can't decide whether it's stupidity, apathy, entitlement or a combination. Casual drug use is also endemic amongst a lot of young people where I live, wonder if that's messing with their brain.

Soma is the drug that is used to control the population in Huxley's Brave New World. People talk about how Orwell was prescient with 1984, but I personally think that Huxley was nearer the mark.

@surprisehail

Not sure why you are being so defensive. You are attributing the failures to technology and I am saying that is not the case.

I did write down exactly what I did and who I was, so not sure why you are confused, maybe you are also confused as to exactly what your husband told you. I have over 20yrs experience, I am a fellow of the ICE, I have managed large infrastructure projects as a project director. I don’t know who your husband is or what he does, so if it’s all the same to you I’ll trust my personal experience and not the secondhand words of someone on the internet.

Too people in the world, we're all on edge and crammed in like sardines. For women, there's too many crazy men to feel safe. Easier to stay isolated these days.

Not everyone has these opportunities though. There is no local community where I live, no shops and no-one walking around to socialise with.

You are assuming everyone lives somewhere like you do.

Could you move to a more sociable place?

NW also and I agree. Restaurants were busy on Valentine's day, cities are bustling on weekends. There are definitely people with money out enjoying themselves - they all seem to be happy and having fun. The people I encounter are pleasant and friendly and are often happy to chat.

I wasn't - and am still not 'anti-tech' but we cannot deny the detrimental effect that over-use is having on a whole generation of people. Covid was the compounder - it waved a white-flag to everyone saying "it's ok to only socialise and everything else, through a screen".

We have a whole tranche of people now who don't 'use' their phones but are 'used by' their phones. Just scrolling though shite instead of engaging with the world around them. Who can't write, who can't problem solve and who can't interact with people normally.

Previously people lacking social skills/confidence would have been 'forced' to interact just to survive, and would eventually build up resilience/confidence/friendship groups. Now there are online 'solutions' for everything:

Go to work - don't have to go you can find a WFH/online job
Buy Food - order deliveries
Go to the doctor - online
Get out to meet people - join forums

And so there are people who just don't.

My DS are late teens. Many of their friends just ask Siri everything they want to know. Quick sums/information etc. Curiosity is being stunted because answers are readily available so there are no rabbit holes and tangents to explore.

It's shit

Of course something feels off. There is genocide happening and the majority of the developed world is either assisting or standing back and letting it happen.
There is a Russian Despot undertaking “special military operations” and shamelessly murdering people who dare to speak against him.
The USA has a population of 330 million, yet the best it can pick to lead them is the choice between an octogenarian with dementia, or a psychopathic narcissist.
Fuck knows what’s going on in China.
Our NHS has all but collapsed.
We are in recession, and despite being a first world country we have people existing in Third world conditions.
Brexit has fucked up the country even further.
Influencers are the new religious leaders.
need I go on ?

It can almost feel dystopian at times. Like we're teetering on the breakdown of society or something. I'm on a fb group that post photos of the tourist town i live near. I burst into tears at a recent photos from the early 90s. A bustling clean street with bright hanging baskets, and floral displays, vibrant shop fronts and groups of happy smiley people.

If you wander through now it isn't as horrendous as some town centres but a few boarded up shops, litter, beggars in door ways and everyone looking like they're on red alert definitely gives a different vibe. Increases in crime and anti social behaviour have lead to people feeling safer indoors along with Covid and col crisis.

What is there to look forward to?
COL means we are just working to pay bills
World is burning with climate change and war
We know politics is a joke - money is found for MP's pals but not to fix services.
My GP told me "the NHS is broken, I'm afraid"
People are mean/angry and no sense of community in most places
I haven't seen my friends in months. What would we talk about?
^ I don’t think I’ve read a more depressing post on here recently. I find it really sad that you don’t have anything to look forward to - Seeing friends? Nights out? Visiting family?

Why would we bother to put the glad rags on, a bit of slap when we can sit in our warm comfortable homes and scroll away.
^ You bother because it’s good fun! We can sit in our comfortable homes day in, day out but there’s nothing better than looking forward to a night out and planning what to wear!

I also hear the Uni isn't the same as it once was with online lessons still and students suffering from loneliness more than Pre pandemic. It's a shame.
^ I don’t know where this is? I work at a Uni and we haven’t had online lessons for 3 years now. My son is at Uni and for him (and the kids of our friends) the experience is still very much like mine was although more expensive!

I get that not everyone is like me but come on, there must be more half a dozen of us who can't relate to most of the comments on this thread.

Covid was years ago now - life is for living and you make the best of what you have.

No, for two reasons. I don't have the money to move and my kids are settled in school. It would be very disruptive for them to move at this stage.

As I say, not everyone has the same opportunities.

Soma is the drug that is used to control the population in Huxley's Brave New World. People talk about how Orwell was prescient with 1984, but I personally think that Huxley was nearer the mark.

Well now I know. What you posted makes even less sense tbh but hey.

I see more people litter picking.

On the one hand there is more litter. Austerity has meant there are less bins emptied less frequently in my area. And it's beginning to show.

But on the other hand I applaud the people putting the time, energy and community into getting together and picking up.

Expecting the ‘ODFOD’ responses but I think we as adults need to get a grip. The majority of us didn’t lose anybody to COVID, nothing ‘traumatic’ happened bar having to stay at home and that was for a few months at a time. With the technology to keep in touch with others and have whatever we wanted ordered to our houses. For those who worked, bar frontline medical staff, little changed on a day to day basis. I get it was boring, I get the news was a bit worrying, it’s something I look back on with a shudder, but you’re acting like we went through the Blitz or something.