Pros and cons of relying on parents for childcare

[slamskunk]

30 hours a week or there abouts.

We have two days off each, but will overlap a day for family time.

One day of nursery.

When they are sick/on holiday you have no childcare.

You don't get that much say in what they do with your child/how they do it as its free childcare.

Mixture of nursery/grandparents i think works well

We are grandparents and 100% reliable if that helps

When we had our children, mum died a few months after first born and dad remairried and in-laws lived far away so one of us left work, then went part-time eneving work as one arrived home other went as we do not trust carers.

These days grandparents want to see their grandchildren but not have the responsibility especailly if the children are taking the piss. Ours are not and I'm sure you are not but be prepared for parents to go on hols and take time off. You will saves tens of thousands of pounds in childcare costs and will be aware your children are as safe as they would be with you.

I insisted (OH disagreed) that children living nearest to us at least dropped off or picked up their children once in a due unless circumstances beyond control ie appointments, going away from work etc but all of our children work from home unless they want to go to the office so easier for all

Cons are they might do things you don’t agree with, like what they feed them or how they look after them.

Its a lot for them to take on.

What happens when they’re sick or decide they’re busy or go on holiday? As with nursery that isn’t an issue.

Pros I guess is the bonding with grandparents.

Our nursery and I know the same with some others won’t allow one day as they’re not there long enough to settle. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So you both have (say) Sunday off and you work Mon - Fri and your Dh will work Tuesday- Sat? So you need 4 days of childcare? 1 day in nursery and then 3 days with parents?

Ok - pros -
Save a fortune
Kids are with someone who loves them
More flexibility of hours (no “shit - it is 5:47pm and I am 7 minutes away from nursery at a minimum and the traffic light has just gone red”.)
More flexibility if kids are ill (eg chicken pox - as long as granny has had it!)
Builds a lovely relationship between kids and grandparents

Cons
Huge commitment for parents - may exhaust them
Will leave you highly indebted to them
1 is not a lot of days to get used to nursery
What if they are ill?
What if they want to go on holiday?
Will they do as you ask or think that they can do things their way?
Do you have siblings who may also want childcare in the future?

Personally I would go for 2 days with parents and 2 days in nursery.

30 hours is a lot but if they are happy to do then that's fine. Pros builds a good relationship with grandparents.

Cons might not stick to your routine. Also unexpected illness. Mine did 1 day a week but my DF needed major surgery unexpectedly so they couldn't help for about 3 months.

So you both have (say) Sunday off and you work Mon - Fri and your Dh will work Tuesday- Sat? So you need 4 days of childcare? 1 day in nursery and then 3 days with parents?

Yes essentially

I'm a childminder and often share care with grandparents. Very quickly GPs become unreliable and/or its much harder than they imagine and the children come to me more instead.

What are the reasons?

We use grandparents twice a week, they offered and are thrilled about it, had a really honest chat with them before about everyone’s expectations and discussed different scenarios like them going on hols etc no surprises.

PROS -Child is in a loving environment and days out/ schedule is more flexible than nursery as just catering for one child.

You have more control over child’s diet - we send packed food for the whole day at GPs.

Sometimes child is too ill for nursery but not too ill for GPs as can just chill there like a home from home.

Child can take all own toys with them which they love.

CONS:
We have to book the same Annual leave as parents holidays from being the childcare so that we make the most of our A/L.

GPS could get ill and not be able to do childcare whereas nursery have many staff.

GPS may not be the type to follow your wishes regarding diet, discipline, screen time.

All in all I think GPs need to be the next best thing to you to be able to provide decent childcare, i fully trust my mum is that person, hence why our agreement works and no one falls out.

Pros

• free (usually)
• convenient, flexible if you need an extra hour, will look after your kid if they’re unwell
• great inter generational relationship, this is priceless
• individual attention and can keep to your routine (or lack of)

cons

• what will happen if grandparent is unwell or on holiday?
• are they well enough to be catching all the toddler bugs
• tendency to go heavy on sweets and gifts
• can come with strings attached. My mum wanted endless gratitude. We were grateful. We thanked her. But it was never quite enough.
• couldn’t ask for extra babysitting if we wanted an eve out as they were already helping so much

I’d recommend a mixture. 30 hours a week is a lot. And 1 day at nursery will make it hard for your kid to settle.

We do a mix. Very lucky with grandparents on both sides. I do think it helps that I am a teacher so its only for 39 weeks a year.

Pros:
Free or cheaper (we pay expenses)
Lovely bond with DC and grandparents and mine really want to be involved
More flexibility

Cons:
Less reliable (often out of their control bit still difficult to manage sometines)
You can feel less able to ask them to help with evening babysitting/ sickness/ emergencies
Can be a bit much especially if getting older

I do think maybe one nursery day is too little to settle?

I wrote the reasons in my post.

Pros:
Free!
They love their GC to bits
DC get full attention
Park time
Taking them to see relatives

Cons:
Not feeding them as healthily as they do at nursery (lots of frozen food) and not being able to say anything about it!
DC hungry when I pick them up - nursery meals and snacks are regular as clockwork!
Cancelling when on holiday
Cancelling when sick
TV time
More stressful to organise than nursery

I'm also of the opinion it would be better for DC to do 2 nursery days.

couldn’t ask for extra babysitting if we wanted an eve out as they were already helping so much

This is a biggie.

People end up using childminders more for all the reasons above.

Also, they might not want to take on additional siblings and may find if difficult to have the conversation with you when they’ve changed their minds.

The big problem is that grandparents often agree to do childcare when the child is a lovely little baby that lies still and looks cute.

And then they blink and find themselves looking after a toddler who likes to climb the bookcases, shouts “CHARGE!” every 8 minutes, likes to switch on the washing machine when they aren’t looking, doesn’t understand the word “no” and most definitely does not lie still and look cute.

Having seen this in my own family - I’d go for two days at nursery and two with GPs, personally. Partly because if your child is only in nursery one day a week, it will take ages for them to settle as it’s always the outlier. That’s assuming the nursery would offer a place for fewer than two days, which many (most?) won’t.

Also bear in mind that however reliable GPs are, or like to think they are, things can and do change. Or they have quirks which can grate when balanced against st a working diary. Mine had form for booking very last-minute holidays, which you couldn’t possibly be annoyed about as they’re doing you a favour - but equally, you then have to take time off work or beg your nursery/childminder for extra hours.

And then things can change - if one of the GPs is diagnosed with something serious or experiences other changes in their health, you can find yourself with no childcare, permanently, at very short notice. That happened to us. Fortunately our setting could accommodate an increase in hours. Plus they may not realise how tiring it is looking after very young children all day. Only you know their age and fitness levels but are you confident they know what they’re letting themselves in for? (Sorry if this sounds patronising - mine have been surprised at how tiring it is.)

So I would say the advantages, when this works, are huge, for everyone - but it’s worth also using a paid setting for resilience and, as they get towards 2.5/3, the experience of mixing more with other children.

Unless your child is very sociable and laid back one day of nursery a week is unlikely to be enough for your child to settle, to build relationships with nursery staff or to get used to the routine. I would prepare for weeks or months of that nursery day being very stressful for your child, it would probably better to start with them doing 2 or even 3 days a week and then reduce this once your child has settled and is used to the routine. This would also give time for grandparents to get used to doing childcare and for both sides to be happy with the arrangement and that it’s doable.

My MIL was SUPER reliable until she was called for jury duty and ended up on a case for 8 weeks. As I wasn't paying her, she couldn't claim any money back and although I managed to get enough childminder hours, the cost crippled us as it was unexpected and we were only just making ends meet as it was.

Can you even find a nursery that will do 1 day a week? I’ve never come across one that will and usually they say it’s because attending so infrequently means they don’t settle properly as they never get chance to become familiar with the staff or setting.
Then GPs going on holiday, being ill, you can’t dictate your wishes as effectively as you can when you’re paying. Will the GPs get them out socialising to groups and playgrounds when older? Whilst it’s lovely for a baby to be with GPs, I personally wouldn’t have any pros on the list for a 2+ YO except for saving money (I respect that that’s a biggie though!). Rather, I’d prefer to have occasional help there when I need it- if DC is sick on a nursery day and we’re both slammed at work, for evening babysitting, maybe even the odd child free weekend away! So I’d probably go 3 days nursery, 1 day GP as the best compromise.

Thirty hours a week is a lot of hours. The most obvious drawback is that the grandparents may very quickly realise they have bitten off more than they can chew.

30 hours is a lot!
The cons for me are that my parents don't really understand fresh air and exercise - would push the kids round in a buggy but not let them walk. Take them to activities that involves hours in the car for one hour of fun etc.
Now they are older they don't take them out anywhere or really engage with them. We'll do holiday clubs in future.
They also quite rightly wanted to go away during term time which fucked up arrangements and would blithely tell me I should just take annual leave etc but it really annoyed me as leave was for family holidays etc.
I also never ask for babysitting so never spend any time with DP.

It is hard though and sometimes you just have to take what's on offer.

30 hours is a lot. I'd rather have had less childcare during the week and the occasional evening care for when dh and I wanted to go out. Easier to get daytime care than an evening/ overnight baby sitter.

I would have thought parents holidays would be an issue, how willing it work if they see a late deal for a holiday and want to book it?

Same if they get an invite out on one of their childcare days.

30 hours is a lot, my friends that do less than that are knackered when they have their DC.

Despite having family willing to watch my children while we work, we opt for nursery. Lots of reasons but family can be unreliable (sickness, holidays etc.) and we wouldn't get a say in their care. This is a bit of a sticking point for me as I know they'd be fed lots of sugar/sweets (from a very young age) and wouldn't necessarily be getting the developmental stimulation needed. I do use family for illness/emergency care.

Been doing this for the last year and a half - here are my pros and cons - some of these won’t be relevant possibly just listing what I’ve encountered

pros
Obviously much cheaper
If child is sick, can still have childcare (depending of course on situation/illness/parents feelings etc
Familiar environment for child
Lots of time outside and parents love taking dd out
Great bonding for child and grandparents
I feel comfortable calling/messaging to check on her, don’t feel I can pester nursery all day long 😂

cons (none of these are criticisms, it’s just part of it, I’m very grateful to my parents)
Even very reliable grandparents will have moments they can’t look after child, including last minute - illness/emergencies/holidays etc. we’ve struggled to get dd childcare when parents on Holiday
We originally had dd with Gran on a Tuesday and Gran and Grandad on a Friday. Gran soon found as dd got bigger and more mobile she couldn’t handle it solo. Had to adapt and put on nursery an additional day
Weve found a huge change for the better in dd doing more days in nursery, socialises better, more adaptable and freaks out less in new situations.
Rainy days often mean dd gets A LOT of tv as parents less prepared with activities than nursery (it’s free childcare, I’m not gonna fuss over this but some parents might not be happy)

again this is all just what I’ve encountered. We’ve definitely changed things up as times gone on and have found what works for us and that’s all you can do :)