Pros and cons of relying on parents for childcare

[slamskunk]

30 hours a week or there abouts.

We have two days off each, but will overlap a day for family time.

One day of nursery.

To add to things said above.

When kids are aged around 1-2.5, some days and stages you just barely sit down and need to be watching child attentively all the time. They'll be tottering around and need to be walked, or pulling at plants on a shelf, trying to climb on work surfaces etc. It's exhausting. Are your DP retired and usually rest when they want? They can tag team a bit but it's still a lot.

Would they care for DC at your house or their house? If theirs, probably there's a bit of childproofing to be done - do they have pale carpets, china ornaments, nice furniture? If they watch child at your house, prepare to find it a bit weird that they're using your stuff, putting things in wrong place, seeing things you might prefer they didn't etc.

A big one - attitudes to discipline have changed a lot, even in a few decades. Now there's lots of emphasis on emotional and mental health and wellbeing, helping children express themselves, validating their anger and trying to help them with it etc - previous generations are way less sensitive to this stuff and often think it's namby pamby nonsense, think best way to deal with tantrums is laughing or ignoring them and so on.

The likely thing is that the nursery would have a very gentle and sensitive, conflict-resolution based approach to discipline, you'll mimic this a bit but wing it and lose patience sometimes because you're only human, your parents will not bother with the softly-softly stuff and resolve situations with chocolate biscuits. Probably also way more TV and maybe phone or tablet time than you would ideally like.

What do you actually want your DC's relationship with DP to be like, and what do they want? The more hours they do, the more they will be hands-on with things like discipline, potty training, shaping behaviours etc. I think being a GP is much nicer when it's about a short burst of full attention, being taken somewhere nice and doing something nice, a bit away from the everyday routine.

It would also interfere with your DP routine - say they get invited to lunch with friends, or want to go to an event - do they say no as they have your DC?

If you rely on DP and then one gets ill/injured etc it's extra bad as you have the stress of the health aspect plus stress of trying to find childcare at short notice.

Personally we had childminder from 12 months for 2 days, GP for one day, I did two days. It worked fine. Then 4.5 days at nursery from age 3 and GP started doing overnight babysitting sometimes or taking them for days out here and there. Now DC are primary school age and will go for the odd overnight or stay with DP a couple of days in school holidays.

This is spot on. My DM is now in the habit of canceling at the last minute due to "headache, diarrhea, stars were not lined up properly in last night's sky, etc" She loved watching ds when he was small, but once he hit 4 she was over it. Too much running after him I suppose. And as pps have said DG feed them junk(even if you pack healthy food), they let them have too much screen time etc. I will say that DS is never sick since he's not in group childcare which is a big plus

@Whoknowsohyoudo the lack of sickness bugs is a big plus now, but you have to go through it at some point - they can miss a lot of reception if that's the first time they're exposed to the filth pond!

We use a childminder, nursery and my parents.
The GP generally don't have them for long or many days of the week, it's more to plug gaps in other childcare as both me and my partner work shifts, days/nights.

It's obviously great as they can provide childcare outside of normal working hours.
My children are spending time with their GP and building relationships.
And we are massively appreciative that it helps us save some money.

Luckily I haven't had any cons. The only thing I would suggest you think about is do they have other dependables? My nan is very unwell ATM so things have had to (rightly) change so my mum can be there for her. But luckily we can fall back on other relatives and childcare.

Pros, best case scenario:
Huge savings in cost
GP’s love DGC with all their hearts and children need love to flourish.
Opportunity to build strong, lasting relationships

Cons, best case scenario:
Everyone has to agree the same holiday schedule
Differences in care style can be more tricky to negotiate
Children are exhausting and GP’s may not keep up

For the worst case scenarios you can read the rest of mumsnet…30 hours pwk is a huge commitment and I’d have been skeptical if my own fit, caring, competent parents would have managed it.

Excellent post @NoCloudsAllowed

I will say that DS is never sick since he's not in group childcare which is a big plus

But doesn't that mean he'll just get sick and miss loads of school in reception instead?

Pros : you know your children are as well looked after and as loved as if they were with you.

cons: you will feel less able to ask for baby sitting favours when you and dh want a date night as your parents will have already had them all week!

Very true. He's a healthy big lad so I'm not so much worried for him as what he'd traffic back home to the baby. I've read plenty of horror stories on here about how often people's dc get ill from school and nursery and it does make you worry a bit😩

My DS was looked after by grandparents from around 10 months until 3 when he got a place in the nursery of the primary school that he now goes to. My Mum took him to loads of toddler groups so he was exposed to other DC but when he went to nursery he was ill constantly for two years until he started P1.

On the other hand my DD had the exact same circumstances and hardly caught anything (still hardly does) so I think it’s more individual child than whether they go to nurseries as babies but probably on balance it helps to expose them younger.

Pros - cost.
Building a great bond

Cons - changing it is hard and it is hard to think of all the situations that might cause change, and they tend to sneak up on you gradually.
Biggest change is if you have a second child, particularly if the gap means there will be significant time when they look after 2, that is much more challenging.
Can bring challenge to your sibling relationship. A a sibling has similar age children they may get jealous/envious of the help/relationship your children have, even if it is not possible due to distance etc if they live far away. If they have children later your parents may not be able to look after their children in the same way now they are older, which can also lead to resentment.

I would also do a minimum of 2 days nursery for all reasons above, plus adding extra days at nursery to over grandparents holiday would be easier in that situation.