Friend won't accept no for an answer

[CrDrFr]

Friend told me she's going on an activity holiday with about ten others, most of whom I know but would consider acquaintances more than friends, then said "I'll send you the details", but didn't actually ask me!

I replied saying, "if you're asking me, I'm not interested, I'm planning on taking a short break at home this year", which is true, but also, lovely as my friend is, I'm not interested in holidaying with most of the others.

She then said "do both, you only live once, I'll change your mind yet", etc.

I'm not great with being firm with people, so any advice appreciated.

She's also been encouraging me to join a running club she's in... I prefer to run alone!

How to be firm?

Why not say "fine, yeah okay!" Then don't show up. If you need to pay I advance, say you'll get round to it, she will get the message when the deadline is nigh and you're still not paying.

"Oh well guess you'll have to uninvite me!"

This would likely cause the OP more anxiety.

Ouch. Reading all these replies makes me realise how unbearableI must seem to some of my friends!

Is she just an enthusiast? I’m forever trying to persuade people I love to do things that I love with me - and I’ll usually ask a couple of times before I drop it - otherwise English people do that ‘oh, she can’t possibly mean it’ thing.

Why do you find it so difficult, can you just roll you eyes at her and lovingly tell her to leave you alone about it?

Don't make excuses because she'll come up with a solution and then you have to think of another excuse.
You said "I'm not interested, I'm planning on taking a short break at home this year".
So she comes back with "do both, you only live once".
Now you are in the position of having to find another excuse for not doing both.
So you might say "I can't afford to do both".
She comes back with "It doesn't have to cost much. The activity holiday is shared between 10 people so it's really cheap". Or "There's plenty of time to save"
Then you have to think of another excuse as to why you can't save that amount of money and the cycle continues.

If you don't want to do something like that because it's not your thing then that is what you need to say, from the very beginning, with no excuse attached. And then keep repeating it.
The first reply to it should have been something like "That sounds great but it's not my thing so I'm not interested".
And then follow any more replies from her with "As I said, it's not my thing" and variations on that. If she keeps at it just ignore any conversation about it. She can't exactly force you to pay and bundle you in the car and take you on the holiday against your will.

I'm not great with being firm with people, so any advice appreciated.

Your friend thinks you are a pushover, so stop being a pushover.

It’s not like she can book for your on your card.

just remind her that you’re not going

I am quite sarcastic so I imagine saying this in a tone of voice to suit, but it could also be said in a softer or even concerned way:
”Gosh Brenda that’s the sixth time you’ve asked me, I thought I had been really clear that it’s a no from me. Perhaps you hadn’t realised that you had asked me several times before?”

Come on OP you're a grown woman! Surely you don't need advice on how to say no and stick to it? Just say I'm not doing it, end of! Stop asking me, you're annoying me now! Then ignore any subsequent messages 🤷‍♀️

Do you still like being friends with her? and do you have much in common?

I agree with the poster asking if you want to continue the friendship with this person, because if someone kept asking me those questions continually it would just cause anxiety...

"I don't want to join the running club, as I prefer to run alone." Then don't join the running club.

"Stop banging on about the holiday and running club! I am not interested in either."

Just send her a 🙄 emoji if she ever messages you about it again, and totally ignore her if she brings it up in spoken conversation.

Omg same! But since she got married, I got cut. Never mind. I’ve learnt to say no since then!

How funny! We were stand in until they found fellas obvs 😂

It just sounds like she's saying it in a jokey way. I don't think it's a case of needing to be firm to be honest.
Just say no and ignore some of the messages about it until she stops talking about it.

Tell her no.

I had a friend who was a narcissist and community narcissist and would promise stuff to others and expect me to deliver. I said no repeatedly. She didn't like it but stopped asking.

No to it all on repeat

Just keep saying no. I've had experiences like this with friends in the past. Sometimes ita just easier for me to make something up as I can't be bothered with the back and forth.

😂 clearly

Just send her a link to this song without a word. She might get the message.

This is pretty rude. I wish I had the confidence to say no when I was younger but I didn’t. Not everyone is the same, the OP is asking for advice so maybe stop with the patronising tone?

It's not rude. The OP has literally asked how to be firm, and that is the advice being given.

The first 2 sentences of the quoted post is rude. Plenty of others on this thread has responded much more kindly and with good advice. There was no need for it.

Keep repeating calmly.

No thank you, I run alone.
No thank you, I don't do group holidays.

And repeat.

She sounds really fucking annoying. No doesn't mean yes. Where have we heard that before?

I'd be considering phasing her out. She isn't lovely if she makes you feel uncomfortable and tries to talk you into things you have said no to!

How difficult is it to just say No thanks it's not for me?

I suspect the friend keeps asking because the OP doesn't sound firm enough when she says no.

I've read all the OPs posts. There's probably a room or bed that needs filling on the holiday @CrDrFr or else the cost per person will go up. Ignore her.